Chapter 4: The Distance Between Us
The next morning, everything felt… wrong.
Katsumi sat in his chair, hands in his pockets, eyes on his handheld console—but he wasn't playing.
He couldn't.
Not with that diary replay still burned into his mind.
Every page. Every word.
The blood-colored stain.
He tried to brush it off. Tried to stay calm. Told himself it was just a joke, or maybe he misunderstood. Utsuro was just intense. That's all. Just… passionate.
But no matter how many excuses he made, the chill never left his spine.
So he did the only thing he could think of.
He avoided her.
---
Three days passed.
Three long, slow, suffocating days.
Every time Utsuro approached him in the hallway with her usual bright smile, he turned the other way.
Every time she greeted him with her cheery "Good morning!", he pretended not to hear.
And every time she reached out—just to touch his sleeve, or whisper a small question—he stepped away like her presence burned.
It was cruel.
He knew it was cruel.
But he couldn't help it.
He was scared.
---
Then came the fourth day.
After school.
Katsumi grabbed his bag the moment the bell rang, shooting up from his chair as if escaping a fire. He stormed down the hallway, ignoring the calls of his classmates, his only goal being the school gate.
Freedom.
Distance.
Escape.
But—
"KATSUMI!"
He froze.
His name, sharp and breathless, echoed behind him.
He turned.
Utsuro stood there.
Panting. Her hair slightly messy. A few strands stuck to her cheek with sweat. She looked like she had sprinted across the entire school just to catch him.
"…You've been running away," she said between breaths, forcing a smile.
Katsumi didn't answer.
Just stood there.
Quiet.
Still.
"…You're avoiding me," she said, softer now. "Why?"
Again, he said nothing.
"…I chased you. All the way here. My legs hurt, you know," she laughed weakly. "You're fast when you're scared. Like a little rabbit."
Still nothing.
She stepped closer. Not too close. Just near enough for her voice to carry clearly.
"…You read my diary, didn't you?"
Katsumi flinched.
"I worked hard on that one," she said, her tone strangely calm. "I even stayed up all night thinking of how to express everything properly. Did you… hate it?"
His throat felt dry. His heart was loud. Too loud.
"…Let's do another diary exchange, okay?" she asked, holding out her pink notebook. "And this time, tell me the truth. Why are you avoiding me?"
A long silence followed.
Katsumi didn't take the book.
He just stared at her.
In his mind, something cracked open.
A memory.
Back then…
He had chosen Utsuro because she seemed quiet. Alone. Easy to talk to. Easy to approach. Not surrounded by a wall of admirers like other girls.
He thought she'd be grateful if someone confessed.
And maybe she was.
But he hadn't done it out of love.
He did it because he was afraid of being the only one without someone during high school.
Because he didn't want to be alone.
Because he thought… she was an easy target.
And now…
He was terrified of her.
Of the intensity in her heart.
Of the obsession hidden behind her smile.
"I want to break up," he said quietly.
Utsuro's eyes widened.
Her smile faltered.
"…What?" she whispered.
"That's why I've been avoiding you," he continued, looking away. "I don't want to be with you anymore."
Her expression dropped.
That smile—always so cheerful, always so bright—was gone.
And in its place was the face she wore before they ever spoke.
Empty.
Blank.
Lonely.
"…I see," she said after a moment. "Okay."
She turned.
And walked away.
Katsumi didn't follow.
He couldn't.
His legs wouldn't move.
Only after she disappeared around the corner did he finally exhale.
Relief.
A dull, guilty kind.
But relief all the same.
He was free now.
Wasn't he?