The air in the Royal Capital of Midgar crackled, not with the usual hum of arcane energies, but with a discordant, alien thrum. It was a subtle shift, one that only the most attuned senses would register. Deep beneath the city, within the labyrinthine headquarters of Shadow Garden, a figure cloaked in the deepest night stood before an obsidian throne.
Cid Kagenou, or rather, his meticulously crafted persona, Shadow, let a sliver of a smirk play on his lips, unseen beneath his hood. "Alpha," his voice was a low baritone, echoing with an authority that belied his true, chuunibyou-driven nature. "Report."
Before him knelt Alpha, the first of the Seven Shades, her silver hair cascading like a moonlit waterfall. Even in the oppressive darkness, her beauty was breathtaking. "Lord Shadow. The anomalous energy signature we detected three days prior has… intensified. It's causing localized distortions in the fabric of reality. Beta's reconnaissance indicates the epicenter is near the old Crimson Tower district."
Shadow nodded slowly, his gloved fingers steepled. Internally, Cid was buzzing. Distortions in reality! Perfect! This is exactly the kind of world-ending precursor event an Eminence in Shadow would foresee and manipulate from behind the scenes! Now, what cool, cryptic line can I drop?
"The threads of fate unravel," Shadow intoned, his voice laced with a chilling gravitas. "A tapestry woven with chaos is about to be unfurled upon this unsuspecting world. The Cult of Diablos? Mere puppets. This… this is a symphony orchestrated by a far grander, unseen hand." Or, you know, a random dimensional hiccup. But this sounds way cooler!
Alpha's golden eyes widened slightly, a mixture of awe and trepidation. "You foresaw this, Lord Shadow?"
"Everything," Shadow declared, sweeping a hand dramatically, "is proceeding according to a design far beyond mortal comprehension." My design! My awesome, made-up-on-the-spot design!
Gamma, ever the strategist, though prone to tripping over her own feet, chimed in via a communication crystal, "Lord Shadow, we've detected… entities. Not demonic beasts. Not Cult assassins. Their energy signatures are… bizarre. Unreadable by our conventional metrics."
"Excellent," Shadow purred. "New actors for our grand stage. Let us give them a… welcoming performance."
He rose, the oppressive aura around him intensifying, a physical weight that made even the elite Seven Shades hold their breath. "The world believes it knows true power. Tonight, they shall glimpse the shadow that eclipses all."
Meanwhile, in City Z, Saitama was having a crisis.
"Agh, damn it!" he grumbled, staring at his empty wallet. "The supermarket had a 70% off sale on king crab legs, and I'm broke till Genos gets his hero association paycheck."
Genos, his loyal cyborg disciple, meticulously polished his incineration cannon arm. "Sensei, financial woes are trivial. We should be focusing on the increasing number of mysterious disappearances and the strange atmospheric vibrations reported across multiple cities."
Saitama picked at a loose thread on his "OPPAI" hoodie. "Yeah, yeah, vibrations. But king crab, Genos. King. Crab. Seventy. Percent. Off."
Suddenly, the air before them didn't just vibrate; it tore. With a sound like a cosmic bedsheet ripping, a jagged, shimmering fissure materialized in the middle of Saitama's tiny apartment. It pulsed with an unhealthy purple-black light, throwing distorted shadows across the room.
Genos instantly adopted a combat stance, his optical sensors flaring. "Sensei! An interdimensional breach! The energy readings are off the charts! This could be the source of the recent anomalies!"
Saitama blinked. "Huh. So, no king crab then?" He peered into the swirling vortex. "Looks kinda… gooey. Think anything's gonna come out?"
As if on cue, something did.
With a guttural roar that rattled the cheap plaster of Saitama's walls, a creature of nightmare lurched through the portal. It was easily ten feet tall, with gnarled, bark-like skin, glowing crimson eyes, and a gaping maw filled with needle-sharp teeth. Tendrils of dark energy, reeking of decay and old magic, writhed around it.
"A Demon-level threat, at minimum!" Genos announced, his cannons whining as they charged. "Possibly Dragon! Its energy signature is unlike any kaijin I've encountered. It seems to be composed of… condensed malice?"
The creature spotted them. It let out another roar, this one filled with bloodlust, and lunged.
Saitama sighed, a profound, world-weary sound that seemed to carry the weight of a thousand missed grocery sales. "Can we make this quick? Maybe the sale's still on if I hurry."
He stepped forward. The monster, a being that would have sent entire armies of knights in another world into panicked retreat, swung a clawed arm capable of rending steel.
WHUMP.
Saitama's fist connected with its torso. There was no shockwave, no dramatic explosion of energy. Just a dull, wet thud, like punching a waterlogged mattress.
The creature froze mid-lunge. Its crimson eyes widened in something that might have been surprise, if it had the cognitive capacity. Then, it simply… deflated. Like a punctured balloon, it collapsed in on itself, its dark energies dissipating with a disappointed hiss, leaving behind a rapidly fading scorch mark on the tatami floor.
Genos, cannons still primed, stared. "…Sensei. That was… efficient."
Saitama scratched his bald head. "Yeah, well. It was in the way. Now, about that portal…" He walked towards the shimmering tear, which was thankfully still open. "Wonder if there's a supermarket on the other side."
"Sensei, that is highly inadvisable!" Genos protested, rushing to his side. "We have no idea what dangers lie beyond that threshold! The atmospheric composition could be toxic! The inhabitants hostile!"
Saitama just shrugged, one hand already reaching towards the portal's edge. "Eh, can't be worse than missing out on that crab."
Back in Midgar, near the dilapidated Crimson Tower, Shadow stood upon a crumbling parapet, the wind whipping his cloak around him like living darkness. Below, the area was a chaotic mess. Strange, almost crystalline creatures, pulsing with an energy that felt both raw and artificial, were battling his Shades.
These were not the usual Cult lackeys. They were fast, strong, and some even fired concussive blasts of pure force.
Epsilon, her slime bodysuit enhancing her already perfect figure, moved like a phantom, her blade a silver blur as she bisected one of the crystalline entities. "Lord Shadow, these foes are… tenacious! Their power output is erratic but potent!"
Delta, a whirlwind of feral instinct and brute strength, was having the time of her life, tearing through the new enemies with savage glee. "More! Stronger! Delta wants to fight!"
Shadow watched, his expression unreadable. Okay, these guys are definitely not from around here. Their fighting style is… unrefined. All power, no technique. Almost like… like those generic monsters from those isekai light novels I used to read before… well, before I got isekai'd myself.
A larger crystalline being, vaguely humanoid and crackling with blue energy, slammed a fist into the ground, sending shockwaves that buckled the cobblestones. Alpha met its charge, her own blade wreathed in condensed magical darkness. Their clash sent sparks of violet and azure flying.
"They adapt quickly," Alpha grunted, parrying a swift jab. "Their power seems… technological, almost? Yet infused with something else."
Shadow raised a hand. "Enough."
His voice, though not loud, cut through the din of battle. The Shades immediately disengaged, their new opponents momentarily confused by the sudden lull.
Time for a cool entrance… or, well, a cool intervention. Shadow thought. Gotta show these newcomers who the real main character is.
He drew his ebony blade, so dark it seemed to swallow the surrounding light. "You have danced upon my stage uninvited," he declared, his voice resonating with an eerie calm. "Now, witness the true meaning of despair."
Darkness coalesced around him, swirling into an oppressive sphere. The air grew frigid. The remaining crystalline entities instinctively recoiled, a primal fear gripping their alien minds.
"I am…" Shadow began, savoring the moment, the build-up.
Suddenly, a section of the air beside the largest remaining crystalline entity shimmered, warped, and then bulged.
Everyone – Shadow, the Shades, even the crystalline monsters – paused.
With a wet, slurping sound, like someone pulling their boot out of thick mud, a figure in a bright yellow jumpsuit, red gloves, and a white cape unceremoniously stumbled out of thin air. He blinked, looking around with a profoundly bored expression.
It was Saitama.
"Whoa," he said, looking at the chaotic scene, the gothic architecture, the robed figures, and the giant crystal monster that was now staring at him. "Wrong turn, I guess. This ain't the supermarket."
Behind him, Genos emerged more gracefully from the now-stabilizing portal, his scanners already working overtime. "Sensei! The ambient energy here is… saturated with an unknown particle! It reacts strongly to what I can only identify as… 'magic'!"
Shadow froze. His perfectly crafted monologue, his dramatic power-up, all ruined by… this guy? A bald man in a cheap-looking hero costume?
Internally, Cid was reeling. What the—?! Who is this clown?! He just… appeared! No dramatic entrance, no cool pose, he just… plopped out! And what's with that outfit?! Is he mocking me?!
The largest crystalline entity, recovering from its surprise, turned its attention from Shadow to the newcomer. It perceived Saitama as a lesser, more immediate threat. It raised a crackling blue fist and charged.
Saitama glanced at it. "Oh, hey. Another one."
Before Genos could shout a warning, before Shadow could even process the sheer audacity of the interruption, Saitama's fist shot out.
BOOM.
This time, there was a shockwave. A colossal one. The crystalline monster, which had given even Alpha a moment's trouble, simply disintegrated. Not just shattered, but atomized into glittering dust that was instantly dispersed by the concussive force of the punch. The shockwave continued, ripping through the already crumbling Crimson Tower, sending debris flying. Several nearby buildings groaned and collapsed.
The Shades stared, mouths agape. Even Delta paused her enthusiastic tail-wagging.
Shadow's hidden eyes were wide. Wha… What was THAT?! That punch… There was no magic! No aura! No technique! It was just… a punch! But the destructive power… it's… it's utterly absurd!
Saitama dusted off his glove. "Oops. Did I break something?" He looked around at the devastation, then back at the portal, then at Shadow and his entourage. "So, uh… any of you guys know if there's a sale on king crab around here?"
Genos, ever diligent, was already analyzing. "Lord Shadow," he began, addressing the cloaked figure with surprising formality, having detected the immense, albeit controlled, power radiating from him. "My apologies for our sudden intrusion. My Master and I seem to have taken a wrong turn through a dimensional gateway. That creature was hostile. My Master merely acted in self-defense."
Shadow slowly lowered his hand, the sphere of darkness around him dissipating, though the oppressive aura remained. He stared at Saitama, a maelstrom of confusion, irritation, and a strange, new kind of excitement churning within Cid.
This… this changes everything! Cid thought, his chuuni heart pounding. This bald guy… he's an unknown variable! A force of nature! He's not part of the Cult, he's not part of any organization I know! He's… he's perfect! A new, unpredictable element to make my role as the Eminence in Shadow even MORE dramatic and mysterious!
Externally, Shadow maintained his cool. "A dimensional gateway, you say?" His voice was a low rumble. He glanced at the still-open portal, then back at Saitama, whose gaze was now idly drifting towards a pigeon pecking at the cobblestones. "Interesting. It seems the stage has unexpectedly gained… new performers."
Alpha stepped forward, her hand on her sword hilt, her golden eyes narrowed at Saitama and Genos. "Lord Shadow, who are these individuals? Their power… the bald one, especially… it's…"
"Unconventional," Shadow finished for her, a hint of something unreadable in his tone. He focused on Saitama. "You. Bald one in the ridiculous attire."
Saitama looked up from the pigeon. "Huh? Me? Name's Saitama. Just a hero for fun."
Shadow's lips curved into a hidden, dangerous smile. A hero for fun? Oh, the glorious, beautiful irony! This is better than anything I could have written myself!
"Saitama," Shadow savored the name. "You have stumbled into a game far deadlier than you can imagine. A world teetering on the brink, manipulated by unseen forces." He gestured grandly. "And I… am the one who moves within the shadows to hunt them down."
Saitama blinked. "Oh. Cool. So… no crab sale, then?"
A vein throbbed in Cid's temple, but Shadow's voice remained impeccably calm. "The trivialities of sustenance pale in comparison to the encroaching darkness."
Genos, however, was intrigued. "Unseen forces? Encroaching darkness? Sir Shadow, if there is a threat to this world, perhaps we can offer our assistance. My Master, Saitama, is the strongest hero in existence."
Shadow let out a soft, almost inaudible chuckle. Strongest? This plain-looking man? Against the Eldritch horrors I've (theoretically) battled? Against the Diablos Cult? Against… me? This will be… amusing.
"Your 'strength'," Shadow said, his gaze piercing, "will be tested soon enough. For the tear you emerged from… is not the only one. The walls between worlds are bleeding."
As if on cue, another section of the sky above Midgar ripped open with a violent screech, and through it, something vast and terrible, with far too many eyes and tentacles, began to emerge, its psychic scream echoing in their minds. Simultaneously, back in Saitama's apartment in City Z, the portal flickered, and the faint outline of a shadowy figure surrounded by seven beautiful, deadly women became visible for a fleeting second on the other side, just as a new, monstrous roar echoed from their city streets.
The game had just begun. And two overwhelmingly powerful, utterly clueless protagonists had just crashed each other's parties. The thrill was palpable. Goosebumps rose not from fear, but from the sheer, mind-boggling potential for chaos and badassery.
Shadow felt a genuine, exhilarating shiver. This… this is the ultimate stage!
Saitama just sighed. "Man, all I wanted was some crab."