He stared at the photo of his face on the passport. Even though he was younger in the old, mediocre-quality photograph, Kim Dokja didn't think there was a lot of difference. He still looked just as gloomy.
Looking at it, he sort of understood why they called him ugly. He wasn't exactly photogenic. What was with that dead-inside face of his?
Well, maybe he was dead inside when that photo was snapped.
Whatever, he put those useless thoughts aside and focused on the next issue at hand.
What was he supposed to tell his friends?
Telling them that he was going on a trip to Jeju was going to ruffle quite some feathers. Lee Hyunsung had brought it up first a couple of years back and it just caught on. They had kept it in the back of their heads, often speaking and fantasising about going on a group trip to Jeju Island, with everyone, including the kids.
They were going to be super disappointed if he said he was dipping somewhere with his other friend group.
Kim Dokja immediately turned to Yoo Joonghyuk and Uriel for help.
'What do I tell my friends?'
'Do you have to tell them?' Yoo Joonghyuk sent.
'Yes
They might turn up at my house on the weekend and panic
Might even call the police if something happens and think I'm missing'
'Oh no
That's no good' Uriel texted.
'Tell them you're off on a business trip' Yoo Joonghyuk suggested.
'On a weekend?' Kim Dokja pointed out.
'No weekeday
We'll be leaving on Thursday
Say you're staying back for the weekend'
Oh, that should work. If he was going to be back and head to work on Monday, it should do just fine as an excuse.
Ah, but he would be lying to his friends again?
. . .Well, he'd been lying to them about tons of stuff. What was one more? Besides, if he started feeling horribly guilty, he would cook up some story to tell them later, ease them into it and all.
Kim Dokja sat on the edge of his bed, passport in one hand and his phone in the other.
He took a deep inhale, held his breath for a few seconds, then exhaled slowly.
A trip. A vacation.
It sounded strange for some reason. He had associated holidays and breaks as something for kids and not adults for some reason. The last time he'd taken a break was back was some five years ago, before he had to leave for his mandatory military service. He'd gone with Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung.
It had been the sea too, they'd gone to the place where Yoo Joonghyuk's master had decided to live. And Kim Dokja vaguely remembered going to a shaman who said he was essentially doomed.
He had considered that his first and last trip, to be honest. He'd gone on that trip too because of Han Sooyoung's insistence and because Yoo Joonghyuk was finally opening up about some tiny aspect of his life, taking them to his master and his hometown by association; though it wasn't actually his hometown, they had all collectively dubbed it so since his master was from there and he didn't show any resistance to it.
Kim Dokja didn't get a lot of chances to go on trips like that. He had work and he couldn't afford to skip too many days, he might end up getting fired.
Funny, he thought dully. He got to do that now.
How did it even come to this?
Should he say that he would pay for his flight ticket? How much did it even cost, a two-way flight, from Seoul to Jeju and back? He could actually pay for a flight ticket with the salary he had now.
Huh. . .It felt weird. It felt so weird, Kim Dokja half expected to wake up and find out that it was all just a dream his brain had cooked up.
A part of him wished it were a dream. He would have found it easier to come to terms with it then.
Things that he had thought would never change were changing and his mind was still struggling to catch up to the speed at which the change was occurring.
Was this the 'catching up' that he had given up on years ago?
It was strange. Too strange. He didn't quite understand it. Were things supposed to be this easy? No, things were never this easy. If good things were happening to him repeatedly, it meant something horrible was on its way.
He knew this from experience.
So, if the worst was inevitably approaching him, what should he do to lessen the effect? Should he push everything away and go back to being cooped up in that miserable bubble of his? So that he wouldn't be devastated in the end?
He didn't want to. But he didn't want to face a worse fate in the future either.
Kim Dokja didn't know what to do, so he got up from his bed and decided to put his documents back into their hiding place and then take a nap. Not like things were going to change just because he burst his head overthinking about it.
Whatever comes will come and he'll face it when it gets to it.
Kim Dokja had been doing that for all these years. He always went with the tide, hanging in there, his head above the water.
"You don't need a lot of things," Uriel told him on a phone call that had originally been with Yoo Joonghyuk until she came in and hijacked it.
"Actually, you don't need to carry anything but your identification card."
Kim Dokja didn't even want to process that.
"You shouldn't worry about things, Dokja-yah," Uriel said sweetly. "We have a rich old Ahjussi with us, we'll just spend his money like water."
Kim Dokja opened his mouth, then closed it, reconsidering his words.
"Well," he said slowly. "I'm all up for spending someone else's money, but you guys are not telling me anything. You're leaving me out of a lot of things."
It was true, whenever he asked about the details, Uriel and Yoo Joonghyuk brushed it off saying that they had it all handled and everything was perfectly arranged already.
Great. Excellent news. But if he was going somewhere, shouldn't he at least have a basic idea of what was supposed to happen? He would be of the same view, even if he was going with the people he trusted the most.
He was an adult, with his own concerns and questions. Treating him like a child who was strapped onto a baby stroller and pushed around was just not something he liked.
"It's nothing much, Dokja-ssi," Yoo Joonghyuk's voice said, shushing whatever Uriel had started to say.
"We'll be there to pick you up in the morning, the day after tomorrow and from there we'll head to the airport.
"When are you picking me up?" Kim Dokja asked.
"We're not sure yet. We'll finalize it tomorrow and let you know."
What kind of answer was that?
"Alright," Kim Dokja sighed. "Then when's the flight? And what about the flight details?"
"We plan on landing in the morning, around ten o'clock. Before lunch for sure," Yoo Joonghyuk said. "However, if any sort of emergency pops up, we can always adjust."
"Okay, that's cool. But still, what's the exact time for the flight?"
"Whenever we are ready."
Kim Dokja sat on his bed, staring blankly at the wall, his phone pressed to his ear. Was that supposed to make sense to people? Did he hear that right?
"Oh, I see," Yoo Joonghyuk said suddenly. "I'm sorry, I forgot to mention. It's my private jet. We don't have to worry too much about making it there right on the dot. We can follow a lenient schedule."
Kim Dokja blinked.
Huh?
"Joonghyuk-ssi, give me a second to process this, yeah?"
"...Certainly," Yoo Joonghyuk said, slightly confused.
But, hey, Kim Dokja needed some time. A private jet—What?!
Oh, for fuck's sake.
No, no, was this really that much of a surprise? Yoo Joonghyuk, CEO of a gigantic corporation, super rich, threw around a black card at karaoke rooms when he was drunk, had like seven luxury cars and a personal parking lot. A private jet was acceptable. Of course, of course.
He'd just forgotten about the implications of all that because Yoo Joonghyuk and Uriel acted so normal around him.
What kind of people had Kim Dokja even made friends with? Holy fuck.
Kim Dokja's shock lingered for the next couple of days.
At seven o'clock on the designated Thursday morning, Kim Dokja sent in a sick leave request and by seven fifteen, Yoo Joonghyuk's familiar car was waiting outside.
Uriel was sitting in the passenger's seat, waving at him brightly as Kim Dokja hurried down with all his things stashed into his shoulder bag. If he was going to the beach, he didn't think he needed any heavy clothing and it was just four days, three nights.
Kim Dokja had gone on the internet and asked around on travel forums for advice. And he'd packed adequately.
The door to the backseat flew open even as he was a few feet away from the car and he saw Yoo Joonghyuk raise a hand in greeting. Kim Dokja waved back.
See. Normal.
Maybe it was Kim Dokja's views that were screwed. His imagination about the rich was greatly inspired by what he'd read in novels and heard about in TV dramas and there, the rich were usually antagonistic. For sensible reasons, really, like acting on self-interest, having little to no empathy towards the poor, callous and rude.
Yeah, he could see why it was making him unsettled. What he had imagined in his head wasn't matching up with what was actually happening and his stubborn mind was having a little trouble accepting that.
He knew an easy way to fix it. He just had to give it a new story. With characters who behaved differently.
"Good morning," Kim Dokja said brightly as he got into the car when Yoo Joonghyuk moved over to make space for him.
He heard three different greetings at once.
"Good morning, Mr Kim."
"Good morning."
"Good morning, Dokja-yah!"
Kim Dokja closed the door and Yoo Joonghyuk cleared his throat.
"Good morning, Dokja-ssi," he repeated.
"Good morning to you too, Joonghyuk-ssi. Did you have a good rest last night?" Kim Dokja humoured the man.
Uriel calling him a toddler made sense at times like this. Yoo Joonghyuk could really act like a kid sometimes. Luckily, Kim Dokja had enough experience babysitting.
"Yes," Yoo Joonghyuk said, relaxing. "What about you?"
"I got little sleep, actually. I was excited," Kim Dokja said sheepishly. "I'm taking a few days off for a trip for the first time in years."
"It's a good thing we're going then," Uriel said from the front.
Kim Dokja had actually gotten no sleep last night. He lay awake thinking about all sorts of situations that could go wrong. He did it often though, nothing out of the ordinary.
"Did you have breakfast yet, Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
"Ah, no. Not yet."
Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes narrowed at him.
Yoo Joonghyuk and Uriel said they should stop by some restaurant and have some breakfast. Kim Dokja, who wasn't sure what restaurant those two would break in and enter this early for breakfast refused and was adamant about stopping by at the convenience store at best.
Yoo Joonghyuk clearly disapproved of his behaviour, but, "It's alright, Joonghyuk-ssi," Kim Dokja waved it away.
Kim Dokja bought a few packs of flavoured milk and handed them out. Uriel enjoyed the banana milk happily, Yoo Joonghyuk caved in under Kim Dokja's insistence and he didn't look like he liked it very much.
"Not to your taste?" Kim Dokja said curiously, sipping on his own canned coffee that he'd got. He'd probably have to go to the washroom the first thing when he arrived at the airport.
"No, not exactly," Yoo Joonghyuk admitted.
"Too sweet?"
"Too...artificial."
Kim Dokja blinked.
"I can taste the artificial flavouring," Yoo Joonghyuk added and Kim Dokja couldn't help but laugh.
"I suppose that makes sense," he chuckled. "After your cooking, I'm sure that doesn't taste as good. You don't have to force yourself to drink it, Joonghyuk-ssi. Give it here, I'll finish it."
"You don't have to force yourself either," Yoo Joonghyuk seemed to consider making Kim Dokja drink that banana milk a great sin.
"I sort of like banana milk as snacks sometimes," Kim Dokja said. He wasn't lying, it was a nice drink.
"Do you?" Yoo Joonghyuk sat straighter. Kim Dokja nodded.
Yoo Joonghyuk handed the thing to him reluctantly.
There arose a second problem, the issue with the straw. Kim Dokja's drink of choice for the drive to the airport was a can of coffee, he had popped open the metal tab and tipped the can, drinking directly from it.
The little banana milk, however, came with a single straw and the cover on top wasn't exactly easy to peel off. He could try, but in a moving car, he was more likely to cause a mess and he would rather not do anything that would have him end up in that situation.
Kim Dokja held his coffee can in his left hand and thought, fuck it.
He'd shared food with his friends plenty of times. Han Sooyoung had shoved a lollipop she had been eating into his mouth, the kids wanted him to taste their snacks, Yoo Joonghyuk force-fed him vegetables, he could handle something like this. Not a big deal.
Hopefully, Yoo Joonghyuk wouldn't find it gross.
And luckily, Yoo Joonghyuk didn't seem to find a problem with it either. He wasn't the kind to make a big fuss over these things, huh? That's good.
Kim Dokja had an ex of his who freaked out over little things like this. She wasn't a germaphobe or anything, she just found stuff like this extremely romantic. Kim Dokja didn't exactly understand why or how that worked, but it did help him get into a relationship with her so he supposed it was fine. It did teach him to pay particular attention to things like that though.
There had been an instance where Jung Heewon fed him a piece of tomato as revenge for something, and his ex-girlfriend who was having a meal with them went feral, demanding to know how he had the nerve to flirt with someone right in front of his girlfriend. That had led to a lot of confused screaming and fighting and Kim Dokja learnt to be more careful about his actions. They did break up a few weeks after that. Jung Heewon grumbled, saying that she knew she was a red flag when she got all fussy over something so trivial.
Kim Dokja didn't think it was trivial. He was at fault, he was the one who had been careless. He knew that his ex liked such silly gestures and considered them acts of love, he knew that and yet he didn't bother giving her as much attention and care as he had given his friend, Heewon.
He wouldn't have done that if it was Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa. He considered both of them important and he would never do something like that in front of Lee Seolhwa. He wouldn't touch Yoo Joonghyuk carelessly around his lover, he had stopped with the teasing comments, sticking with the generic ones that older family members might sometimes use, like cousins or older uncles and aunties.
Kim Dokja didn't particularly like it, it felt drab, but he didn't want them to catch on by shutting up, so he substituted his old habits with something else.
Staring out of the car window, looking at the buildings that zoomed across his eyes, Kim Dokja decided to think about something better.
He thought about the airport.
Kim Dokja had only been to the airport a few times, to see his best friend, Yoo Joonghyuk off when he went for his tournaments. He didn't always do it, but if Lee Seolhwa had a shift at the hospital, Kim Dokja would take Mia along and they would wave Yoo Joonghyuk off, watch him walk in through the gates and then Kim Dokja would take Mia back home.
Haaah. . .How did it always come back to this?
He knew the answer. It was a rhetorical question, really. Kim Dokja didn't have a very enthralling or memorable life. The most memorable things in his life were his friends and from all the people he knew and held dear, Yoo Joonghyuk had a special pedestal. Of course his thoughts would go to him.
Kim Dokja forced himself to think about the airport again.
It was his first time going inside.
That trick worked. He started imagining what the interior of the airport building would be like. He had seen it from outside, he had seen pictures of it online, he had read about things to do and not to do from the internet.
Even as their car stopped at the departure terminals, Kim Dokja had just a vague idea of what it was going to be like. It was still far from reality, there was a lot Kim Dokja couldn't imagine because of the lack of info he had, for example, he didn't know about the trolleys that were waiting outside, he had never seen pictures or read about it.
Mr Kang wasn't following them, so Kim Dokja supposed Yoo Joonghyuk or Uriel would be driving if the need arose. Kim Dokja did not trust his own driving skills, it had been years since he'd touched a steering wheel.
Kim Dokja was a little amused at the suitcases they had to remove from the trunk of the car. Two sleek black suitcases, of different brands he noticed. And different designs; Yoo Joonghyuk's had vertical ridges while Uriel's were horizontal.
...Suitcases? Sure, they were considerably small, but still, did they actually need suitcases for a short trip?
"You said pack light," Kim Dokja said watching Uriel pull up the handle of her suitcase.
"It's mostly all empty," Uriel pointed at Yoo Joonghyuk's suitcase. "He didn't have a smaller travel bag and found out late because he didn't start packing until this morning."
"It's all just her makeup and other useless things, like her favourite, so-called lucky hairdryer and things," Yoo Joonghyuk fired back, nodding at Uriel's suitcase. "A waste of space, if you will."
"Hey!"
"What?"
Kim Dokja thought they were quite funny. Then again, they might need more things than Kim Dokja found necessary. It was their luggage, up to them really. None of Kim Dokja's business.
"Is that all you need though, Dokja-yah?" Uriel asked.
"I'd say I'm actually more efficiently packed than you two are," Kim Dokja chuckled. "It's not a very long trip is it, I've got all that I might need in here." He proudly pointed a thumb at the bag slung over his shoulders.
"Even if you didn't, it's alright," said Yoo Joonghyuk. "We can get anything we're missing there."
True, they could do that. They were still going to use Korean Won for transactions. Sure, it would be super expensive because it is a famous tourist attraction, but it is what it is. They trudged on.
The airport was bright and shiny. It was way brighter inside than it was outside. And also colder for some reason.
Kim Dokja was glad he was wearing a jacket. He didn't want to stuff it into his shoulder bag and make it heavy, so he'd decided to wear it. But now it came in handy, so that was great.
"It's my first time flying," Kim Dokja said conversationally as Uriel took the lead and showed them their way through the airport. They were going in a completely different direction from the rest of the crowd.
"There's nothing to worry about," Yoo Joonghyuk assured him.
"Oh, I'm not worried. I'm just excited," Kim Dokja told him.
"That's good, then."
Kim Dokja thought he would like to travel by the normal route at least once. A private jet was mind-blowingly impressive and all, he was aware that he was extremely fortunate to even have the chance, but he wanted to give the simpler, economy-class travel experience a go. Just to appease the curious, energetic little child in his heart who was trembling because of the new experience.
He didn't need to use his passport after all.
And aeroplanes were much larger in person, he learnt. Well, yeah, that made sense, they were going to be flying at high speeds on a high altitude while carrying hundreds of passengers and their luggage. It's got to be big. . .It was just bigger than he'd imagined.
The stairs leading up to the aircraft were relatively small though. The entrance could let only one person in at a time, well, two if it was someone Uriel's size.
Kim Dokja followed after Uriel and Yoo Joonghyuk like a lost puppy. Not that there was a lot he could do at the moment anyway.
Private jets were drastically different from what he'd seen of commercial flights on the internet. It was even better than the ones he'd seen in foreign movies.
The interior wouldn't feel like a flight at all if not for the typical round windows across the aircraft.
"I need time to digest this," Kim Dokja said.
Yoo Joonghyuk turned around to look at him, concerned. "Do you feel fine? Was the banana milk rotten?"
"I meant digest this," he gestured a hand at the flight in general. "The banana milk was fine."
Yoo Joonghyuk looked more relieved than anything. Then again, Kim Dokja wouldn't want anyone to throw up on a private jet he owned either.
It seemed a little pointless to have so much space for just three people, but hey, again, none of his business. He wasn't the one paying to maintain this thing, so what if it had tons of extra space?
Uriel caught his hand and pulled him towards what she said was the best spot and Kim Dokja got pushed into a seat, which might as well have been an armchair, right next to a window. Yoo Joonghyuk and Uriel had a little glare-off and eventually, Yoo Joonghyuk sat down on the seat next to Kim Dokja, while Uriel, scoffing lightly, sat down across him, separated by a marble-topped table.
"Do you fly often?" Kim Dokja asked.
"In a way, yes," Yoo Joonghyuk nodded. "My travels have reduced a lot compared to the past."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, I barely had any time to rest back then. Now, I only have to head somewhere in case of certain, sensitive issues and for other events and gatherings."
Kim Dokja hummed as he clicked on the seatbelt the way Uriel had done.
"Not that I would know a lot about it, but it's a really nice jet," Kim Dokja said.
"Thanks!" Uriel said, speaking over Yoo Joonghyuk who had just opened his mouth.
"I picked the designs."
"For this too?" Kim Dokja was intrigued.
"For most things," Uriel said casting a dry look at her boss beside Kim Dokja. "He has no taste and doesn't care much about it. It's all up to me, to maintain his image. Honestly, he would sit on a pile of vines and call it a throne."
Strange description, but alright.
"Secretaries sure have it hard," Kim Dokja said bracingly.
"They don't, only I have to suffer," Uriel sulked. "It's not even in my job description. This guy's such a jerk, all he does is overwork me."
"I don't," Yoo Joonghyuk sighed when Kim Dokja glanced at him. "She insisted saying that she did not prefer my choices."
"They were lame," Uriel snapped. "That's why I had to take over. Dumb fucker."
Oh, wow. Okay.
"Noona," Kim Dokja called and Uriel stopped glaring daggers at Yoo Joonghyuk. "You did all of that? You're awesome."
Yoo Joonghyuk scoffed lightly.
"Aww, thanks," Uriel cooed reaching a hand out across the table. Kim Dokja, tentatively moved his own hand forward. What was he supposed to do? Hold her hand? Hand shake? Fist bump? What?
He settled on a high-five and Uriel giggled a little but slapped her palm onto his happily.
The take-off was strange, like many other things. Kim Dokja kept his gaze out of the window next to him, seeing the runway getting smaller and smaller as the gigantic metal bird rose to the skies.
"Is this normal?" he asked when he felt his ears ache.
"My ears," he answered the questioning look he got from his travel companions.
"The ear pains?" Uriel said and Kim Dokja nodded.
"Yeah, it's normal," Uriel assured him. "It's because of the pressure change. It should go away soon. It's not too painful is it?"
Kim Dokja shook his head.
It just took him aback, the sudden pain. It was manageable.
Yoo Joonghyuk unbuttoned his coat and put slipped a hand into the inner breast pocket.
"Here," he said, holding something out for Kim Dokja. "Keep it in your mouth, swallowing might help."
"Thank you," Kim Dokja took the hard candy from Yoo Joonghyuk's hand.
"Are you two alright?" he said, ripping the plastic wrapper.
The other two seemed used to it and told him they were just fine.
Kim Dokja popped the white candy into his mouth. At first, it was sweet and then the cool menthol spread upon his tongue and he realised that it was mint-flavoured.
He swallowed, keeping the candy pressed up to the roof of his mouth with his tongue. It wasn't instant relief, that's a shame and his ear pain only seemed to increase.
Pressure, Uriel had said. That made sense, they were only climbing higher. Kim Dokja swallowed again, rolling the candy over in his mouth, the sweet aftertaste strong on the roof of his mouth.
He decided to distract himself from his throbbing eardrums.
"Do you carry candy around with you often, Joonghyuk-ssi?" Kim Dokja said.
"No," Yoo Joonghyuk answered.
The sounds had dimmed, or rather, he couldn't hear it well, both the others' and his own voice. But he could still make out what was being said, so he supposed it was fine. Uriel said the ear pain would go away soon anyway.
"I thought you might need it. Just in case."
...oh.
"Thanks," Kim Dokja said.
"It's a method I used in the past," Yoo Joonghyuk told him. "And it worked for me...I have more." His hand went back to his breast pocket. "You can ask me if you need another one."
Yoo Joonghyuk dropped a handful of candies onto the table before Kim Dokja. How did all of that fit into his pocket in the first place? If he'd stuffed so many into his pockets, shouldn't the plastic have made noises every time he moved?
"Thanks, Joonghyuk-ssi," Kim Dokja said again.
"Don't mention it. . .Is there any flavour you like? Peppermint was the only ones I had."
"I like mint," Kim Dokja blurted out. "I don't really have a preference, but mint is good. It's nice."
"Good," Yoo Joonghyuk said, relieved.