The swamp woke up weird today.
I mean, weirder than usual.
The mud was bubbling extra aggressively.
Mudnut was wearing a leaf skirt for no reason.
Blib was still stuck in yesterday's hole.
Plop croaked ominously from my head.
System pinged.
[New Event: Annual Swamp Goblin Beauty Pageant]
[Prize: 500 EXP + The Golden Toenail Trophy]
Me: "A beauty pageant? In a swamp? Who the hell would—"
Skreeble flew by wearing a flower crown.
"Okay then."
The Contestants
Old Crank announced the lineup:
Ma Grugga (who threatened to stab anyone who laughed)
Slopina (my unwanted wife)
Mudnut (yes, he signed up too)
Blib's Mom
A log someone dressed up in a wig
Crowd cheered.
I wept.
The Pageant Events
Event One: Mud Wrestling Talent Showcase
Each contestant had to wrestle a random swamp creature.
Ma Grugga suplexed a mud crocodile.
Slopina uppercutted a swamp snake into orbit.
Mudnut fought a frog and lost.
Blib's Mom flexed her chin hair.
The log in a wig… won by default because a mosquito landed on it and it didn't move.
Me: "How is this my life?"
Event Two: Swamp Fashion Show
They strutted down a muddy runway in "stylish" swamp attire.
Ma Grugga wore a net full of bones.
Slopina wore my bedsheet. I wanted to die.
Mudnut wore two leaves and a dead fish.
Blib's Mom wore Blib.
The log wore a flower crown.
Crowd went nuts.
Skreeble divebombed the fish.
Event Three: Talent Act
Ma Grugga juggled knives and almost stabbed Old Crank.
Slopina headbutted a boulder in half.
Mudnut ate dirt.
Blib's Mom belched the alphabet.
The log stood there.
Crowd cried actual tears.
Me: "I'm losing my mind."
The Final Vote
Old Crank: "Alright ya filthy goblins, shout for your winner!"
Crowd:
"Grugga!"
"Slopina!"
"THE LOG!!"
"LOG! LOG! LOG!"
Me: "Wait what?!"
And the winner was… The log.
System pinged.
[New Quest: Steal the Golden Toenail Trophy]
[Reward: 500 EXP + Mystery Egg]
Me: "Why would I— you know what, fine."
The Heist
That night, I snuck into the mud hut where they kept the trophy.
Skreeble served as lookout.
Mudnut distracted guards by punching himself.
I grabbed the Golden Toenail Trophy — it was literally a big toenail on a stick.
System pinged.
[Quest Complete]
[+500 EXP]
[EXP: 4030/4000 — Level Up!]
[+5 Attribute Points]
[Obtained: Mystery Egg]
Back at My Mudhut
I plopped the egg next to Skreeble.
System:Incubation in progress.
Me: "If another mutant goblin-drake hybrid pops out, I swear."
System:High chance of worse.
Me: "Of course there is."
Plop croaked. Judging me as usual.