Chapter Ten – [Memory, Freshman Year, December] – The Bitter Taste of Humiliation
The overcrowded burger joint buzzed with conversation as the last men and women standing – after their finals – were taking over the place to claim it as their own. The heat from the kitchen reached where they were sitting, making Lyn feel like his bones were melting. He had no plans for Christmas and New Year's yet, but he'd figure something out for sure. Maybe he'd sell the belt his mom had given him after all. Brad tended to forget details like that, and after the 'oohs' and 'ahs' had been said it was likely he wouldn't notice that Lyn wasn't wearing it anymore.
He longed to ask Brad if his family would mind having a visitor over Christmas. Although his best friend wasn't rich like Alexander, his family was comfortably middle-class, which meant an extra mouth at the table wouldn't impose much. Especially since Lyn wasn't that much of an eater.
At least, that was what he kept telling himself, trying to find an opening to bring up the subject.
Brad was at the counter, waiting for their order, while Alexander sat across from him carefully wiping the counter with a napkin as if he had doubts about the cleanliness of the place. That selective attention to neatness was getting on Lyn's nerves.
"What are your plans for winter break?" he asked, unnerved by the silence just as much as by Alexander's obsession with wiping the table.
The cold blue eyes fixed him in their death stare. That was what Brad called it. He doesn't do that to you, dude, but when I'm with him, sometimes, he just stares at me like he's a professor, always on the lookout for something I did wrong. Brad's complaints about Alexander all sounded the same, but when asked why he continued to hang out with the jerk, Brad offered only a shrug of the shoulders.
Brad was wrong, of course. Alexander did that to Lyn, too. The only difference was that Lyn didn't care what shit the posh asshole pulled on a daily basis. He stared back, waiting for a reply, without saying anything about how awkward it was to leave someone hanging like that after being asked a question.
"Will you join me?" Alexander asked.
Lyn frowned slightly. "Join you where?"
"In my plans for winter break."
What could those plans involve? Visiting the house with the painted ceilings? Holding marathon staring contests? Or maybe debating the moral implications of euthanasia until exhaustion? Brad called both of them creepy and weird for brangling over the strangest things. He still watched them avidly, his eyes moving from Lyn to Alexander and back again, as if he was sitting in the stands at a tennis match.
"Brad said something about inviting me over to his house for Christmas," he lied.
Alexander nodded. He showed no hint of being disappointed or relieved either. His face was the same impassive mask. Could he laugh? Brad said he could; he had even witnessed it. There were things going on between those two that Lyn wasn't included in. That stung – not because of Alexander, of course.
"That leaves New Year's Eve and New Year's Day," Alexander noted out loud, as if he was reciting the dates on a calendar.
Brad cut their conversation short by returning with a tray filled with burgers, milkshakes and what looked like a ton of fries. Lyn had his mom to blame for his finicky appetite that consisted of either eating almost nothing or partaking of food that wasn't in the junk category. But he would never say 'no' to Brad's offer to buy him dinner. Him and Alexander, of course. These days, it felt like he would never get the chance to be alone with Brad, because their notorious third wheel always had to be present.
There were many other things bugging him, of course. He could call Alexander the third wheel in his head all he wanted but, to any outsider, Lyn was as good as invisible while the two popular guys took the center stage. He'd barely qualify as a backup singer if they were a band.
"Lynton says you invited him to join you over Christmas at your parents'," Alexander said.
Brad threw Lyn a short, confused look, but then smiled. He grabbed Lyn's shoulder and shook him. "Yep, this guy's going to be my guest. I know how you, the rich, live. You never experience the warmth of Christmas because you're too busy acting posh and counting money or something. It's going to be different for my bud here this year." He winked at Lyn.
His chest filled with warmth. Of course, Brad wouldn't mind him visiting for Christmas. He had worried about nothing.
"But," Brad said, in his usual jovial manner, "since I'm always the one treating you, for tonight's later celebrations, you, my man, are going to get the booze."
Lyn kept his smile on, but his blood ran cold. Besides the logistic nightmare – like finding a senior and convincing him to buy the liquor for him – there was the matter of money. What the hell was he going to do? So far, he had escaped this sort of situation because Brad was too generous to care. However, his current demand was more than reasonable.
***
He was out in the street, his mind frantic. He had promised Brad he'd be back with alcohol, and he still had no idea how he was going to accomplish that feat. Because Brad had confirmed – when Alexander had disappeared for a few minutes to talk to an acquaintance a few tables away from theirs – that he was more than welcome to join him and his family for Christmas, Lyn knew that a few beers wouldn't cut it, either.
"You have no money."
The statement, spoken in that annoying posh accent Lyn abhorred, made him turn on his heel so quickly his left foot slid on a small patch of ice.
Alexander caught his arm and steadied him. His eyes bore into Lyn's, letting him know that his carefully crafted façade had as many cracks as a dried-up riverbed at the height of summer. How could he think of such a comparison when his feet were freezing, especially with those cold eyes fixed on him?
It wasn't only his feet that were freezing. He knew very well what Alexander meant.
"Yeah, I kind of spent it all on books," he said, trying to sound confident.
Alexander was still holding his elbow. "You're poor." The words were said matter-of-factly, carrying no pity, no disdain, not even a modicum of interest.
"What the fuck?" Lyn shook Alexander's hand off. "What shit are you talking about right now?"
"Bradley misses clues as completely as if he's legally blind. Strange, since he doesn't even wear glasses. I suppose his blindness is rooted somewhere else, not in physical causes."
"Is that your diagnosis?" Lyn bristled. Alexander was right, as he usually was, because anyone else would've been able to realize that Lyn was suspiciously frugal. Anyone but Brad, who did choose to close both eyes to all the clues pointing to that conclusion because he was kind and generous with his friend.
"Come. Let's solve this."
Alexander grabbed him again and started pulling him along. Lyn was forced to walk fast to match Alexander's longer stride and it annoyed the hell out of him.
"You don't know anything. I just don't have money right now. I wear more expensive clothes than you." It was a lie. Lyn knew it, Alexander knew it. This whole thing was a bad charade.
"You don't. You're only better organized and neater than me."
Was that a compliment?
"You won't tell Brad, I hope," Lyn said through his teeth. He had no idea how much Alexander knew, if he knew anything, but going head-to-head with the stubborn asshole was bound to leave him the loser in this confrontation.
"No."
"Will you buy the booze?"
"Yes."
"I'll give you the money back."
"No."
"No?" Lyn sputtered.
His shoes had bad grip, so he slipped on another patch of ice. Alexander wrapped one hand around his waist, pulling him close.
"Are you going to blackmail me with this?" Lyn gave up the struggle, stealing nervous glances left and right. The students hurrying to their dorm rooms didn't even look at them. Alexander's arm around him was bothersome, but reassuring.
"No, I just want something in return."
"Okay, now we're finally getting somewhere." It was hard to keep walking fast and deal with the seething anger inside him bubbling right under the surface at the same time. Alexander had no idea how humiliating this situation was. He was lost in his own world, where he was always right and other people's feelings meant nothing. "What do you want?"
"When you leave Bradley's house, come to mine. You will spend New Year's Eve and New Year's Day with me. If you would like, you will remain at my house until winter break ends."
That killed a lot of birds with one stone. But Lyn couldn't help feeling overwhelmed and in a bad way. Alexander knew his secret, and no matter what he was saying, he would use it to get what he wanted.
"Why?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
"Why do I want you at my house over winter break?" Alexander asked, enunciating every word as if it was worth an ounce of gold.
"Yes. Do you like me or something?" Lyn broke out in a short, nervous laugh. Alexander was straight and popular with girls. Just like Brad.
"No. I don't like you," Alexander replied. "I find you insufferable on most days, and if it weren't for Bradley, we wouldn't be close at all."
"Well, I find you arrogant and annoying," Lyn shot back. It was strange how they continued to walk so closely to one another, Alexander's arm still firmly wrapped around him, while continuing to hurl insults. "So, why are you inviting me over to your house?"
"You have nowhere to go," Alexander said bluntly. "You have no money, and for reasons only you know, you can't – or won't – go home to your mother."
Lyn set his jaw hard. "Ah, I see. And beggars can't be choosers, right?"
He might be imagining things, but he thought he heard a note of satisfaction in Alexander's – usually unemotional – voice as he spoke the next word.
"Precisely."
***
Brad welcomed him back with open arms. He grabbed the bottle of expensive liquor from Lyn's hand. "Wow, dude, you went all the way," he said with admiration. Then he hooked one arm around Lyn's shoulders and kissed him loudly on the cheek, leaving a wet trail where his lips had pressed.
Lyn felt his cheek twitch. Too bad he had to react as he was supposed to, given the circumstances. "Ew, dude, what the hell?" he said, wiping his cheek hard with the back of his sleeve.
Brad guffawed and began rummaging around the room for plastic cups. "Bros can kiss, my dude," he said as an afterthought as he let out a moan of contentment upon finding what he was looking for. "For real, between you and Alexander, I was expecting His Majesty to be more of a stick in the mud than you."
"What do you mean?" Lyn mumbled, while taking his coat off.
Brad shrugged and handed Lyn a half-full cup. "I kiss him all the time, and he doesn't act like you just did. You must be like one of those superstraight dudes, right?"
Lyn said nothing, too shocked to utter a single word. Since when was Brad kissing Alexander? Even if it was a thing between bros, that left him with two takeaways.
One, Alexander didn't mind it.
Two, he, Lyn, was definitely the third wheel.
TBC