The forest was bathed in twilight, the last rays of sun flickering through the trees like molten gold. I was stretched out by my fire, savoring the last of my victory feast, feeling more content than I had in both of my lives combined. Venison never tasted so good every bite a quiet declaration that I had finally stopped starving, finally become someone my old self would barely recognize.
I chewed slowly, eyes closed, letting the crackle of the fire soothe the tension from my shoulders. This , this was the life. No Riven, no mother's wig, no family inventing new ways to hide potatoes. Just me, my meal, and a system that, for once, wasn't being too sarcastic.
That peace shattered with a crash so loud it could have startled the moon. Somewhere deeper in the trees, a branch snapped, followed by desperate rustling and a high-pitched shriek that could only mean one thing: trouble.
I froze, piece of venison halfway to my mouth, listening. Another shriek, this time unmistakably a woman's. The kind of scream you only made if you were about to be eaten or had just seen your reflection in a really bad wig.
Sighing, I doused my fire with a bootful of dirt and stuffed the rest of the stag into my inventory with practiced speed. I slid into the underbrush, tense, magic humming beneath my skin.
The forest fell eerily silent, broken only by ragged breathing, crashing foliage, and a moment later the pounding of something heavy on four legs.
A figure burst through the bushes not ten meters away. Even in the fading light, she looked completely out of place. Dressed in a gown of scarlet silk with ruffles and lace, dripping in gold and jewels, and wearing more makeup than a carnival, she looked less like a survivor and more like a jewelry store had exploded on top of a rich chicken. Gold bracelets clinked on both wrists. Pearls swung from her neck like she was auditioning for the role of "Most Likely to Be Robbed."
Behind her thundered the largest bear I had ever seen.
I blinked, genuinely lost for a moment. What in the blazing hells was a noblewoman doing in this trash heap of a forest? The only outsiders who ever came to our village were peddlers, bandits, or the kind of people who thought shoes were a luxury.
She stumbled, her glittering shoes heels, no less catching on a root. As she went down, her bejeweled purse burst open, and a cascade of gold coins tumbled to the ground, glinting in the dim light.
I ducked further into the bushes, weighing my options.Let's see.Option one: Ignore her, slip away, finish dinner.Option two: Heroically intervene, risk my life, save a stranger, maybe make a new friend.
I was leaning hard toward option one.
The system chimed in, voice drier than burnt toast.
[Most protagonists would have jumped in already, Host. Just saying.]
"Yeah? Well, most protagonists are idiots," I whispered back, already turning to slip away. "This isn't my problem. I'm not some hero with a tragic backstory and a savior complex. She can deal with the bear herself. Maybe throw a gold coin at it."
As if hearing me, the universe decided to raise the stakes. The noblewoman fell flat on her face with a wail of despair, scattering more gold. The bear, delighted at the slow-moving snack, barreled closer. If she didn't die of bear attack, she'd drown in her own perfume.
I started to walk away.
One step, two.
My eyes caught the pile of gold coins, shining in the undergrowth. More money than I'd seen in two lifetimes. Enough, maybe, to get out of this hellhole for good, travel to the capital, start fresh.
I sighed. "Of course. Nothing's ever simple."
I squared my shoulders, called fire to my hands, and strode into the clearing like I was born for it.
The bear reared up, easily twice my height, jaws gleaming in the dusk. The noblewoman looked up from the dirt, covered in smudged lipstick and indignation.
"Oh, finally!" she screeched. "Someone to help! Stand aside, child, before you get eaten. I'm about to handle this beast myself!"
I stared at her, dumbfounded. "Are you seriously telling me to stand aside?"
She scrambled to her feet, jewelry clanking, smearing more makeup across her face. "I was trained by the best tutors in the kingdom! I'm more than capable of "
The bear lunged. She screamed again, flailing so hard she threw a shoe at it.
For a moment, I considered just watching. Maybe she would fight off the bear by screaming at it. But my desire for money, and perhaps a little pride, wouldn't let me leave her to certain death.
With a sigh, I stepped between them. The system crackled gleefully.
[Go get 'em, tiger. Or, well, bear-bane.]
I raised both hands, fire swirling in my palms.
The bear roared, towering over me. I flicked my wrist and sent a Flame Dart flying into its shoulder. It yelped, shook its head, and swatted at me. I ducked, rolling to the side, then summoned Fire Lash, cracking it across the bear's snout. It howled, pawing at its face.
"Go on!" I shouted, voice sharp. "Back to your den, you hairy idiot!"
It charged again. I threw up a Fire Shield, and the bear crashed into it with a spray of sparks and a howl. I let the flames surge brighter, dazzling it, then darted forward and cracked the whip again, this time wrapping it around the bear's leg.
The bear, tired of being burned and humiliated by a scrawny girl, turned tail and barreled off into the darkness, crashing through the trees and leaving a trail of broken branches.
I straightened, heart pounding, magic buzzing in my bones. I turned to the noblewoman, expecting at least some gratitude.
She dusted off her ruined gown and snapped, "That was completely unnecessary! I had the beast right where I wanted it. You could have gotten us both killed! Don't you know who I am?"
I blinked, struggling to process the sheer stupidity of the statement. "Yeah, I know exactly who you are," I said. "You're the biggest fool I've ever seen. You come into this forest dressed like a chandelier and get chased by a bear, and then you yell at your rescuer?"
She glared, huffing, "I would have managed! Now help me collect my gold before some thief comes along."
I stared at her. "Sure, let's do that. But first, you owe me. I saved your life. How about a little reward?"
Her eyes widened, full of noble indignation. "Reward? Absolutely not! I don't pay for help. Besides, I was never in real danger."
I smiled sweetly, then punched her in the shoulder gently, but with enough force to knock her off balance. She wobbled, teetered, then crumpled to the ground in a pile of ruffles and pearls, her eyes rolling up as she fainted.
The system let out a sound that was suspiciously close to a cackle.
[Host, you have just invented a new spell: 'Fist of Common Sense.']
Laughing, I knelt down and scooped up half the fallen gold leaving her enough to wake up with her pride intact, but not enough to hire someone to come after me. I tucked the coins into my inventory and admired my "good deed" for the day.
"Not all heroes wear capes," I whispered, grinning.
[No, some wear dirt and rabbit blood. Congratulations, you now have enough gold to start a new life. Or buy a year's worth of bread. Or, you know, really annoy your family.]
"Best day ever," I replied, stepping into the trees and whistling as I disappeared, the noblewoman still snoring in the ferns behind me.