Damn what was I thinking? Damn this guy and his petty mouth. Chris pulls my hand. "Let's go back, Saint. I don't want you to mess up with a guy like him. It's not worth it."
A guy like him? Does he know him then?
"Saint..hm?" The guy throws the can in the bin. "Interesting."
But Chris already drags me out of the arcade. What's with him all of a sudden? He didn't even let me give him a piece of my mind. "Hey! We're already out of that place. Stop dragging me," I retract my hand out of his grip. He doesn't listen to me. Instead he grabs my other hand and starts pulling me again.
"Chris stop it! We're near your house already." I yank my hand away. "Okay, let's go inside. Then you'll do the explaining."
He checks his phone. "My one hour with you today is over. Go home Saint...rest or study do whatever you want. I have to pick her up."
"Don't you bury the topic Chris."
"Bury the topic?" He grins finally. Up until now a frown has been taking space on his mostly composed and easy face. "Seriously Saint, only you can have such choice of words."
"What shall I say?" I make a clueless innocent face then couldn't help sticking out my tongue. "My mom's a polite lady. She belonged to a well cultured household."
He smacks me with his fist. "So basically your mom's responsible for the way you are."
If only...she didn't marry the wrong man. It feels weirder to think about it cause he's my father. Yet...
"What are you thinking again?" Chris asks looking annoyed.
"Cancel your plans or do it later. But you have to tell me about him, Chris."
He puts both of his hands close together. "I'll explain everything after I celebrate the evening with my girl, please?"
"Fine. But if it slips your forgetful head..." I raise my fist. Ugh...why do I have such choice of words? It always feels...polite.
"What will you do if I forget?" He squints.
"Scram you idiot."
I come back to my house. I find mom resting so I head upstairs with soundless steps.
It's been three years since we've moved here, in this house. It's still a bit inconceivable that Dad finally fulfilled mom's request. I remember asking her a year before-whether she loved him. The answer which she gave me still confuses me sometimes. She said, "Life is complex and it never gets easier. The feelings that you believe to never fade away, eventually dissipates." I wonder what she meant. If you love someone once and you know it's true, then can it really fade? Can it stop existing altogether years after? But I'm happy for her... If she's happy, that is. Dad bought this house few years back and finally he gave it to mom totally.
I open the book to scan through the recent topics. But I find my mind wandering off to various things- to mom's physical condition, to my future, to that cocky guy from earlier... I know mom always wanted me to study Music. She believes that I can be a singer cause I have the perfect low bass smooth voice. Her belief in me isn't entirely false. All the people I've ever talked to or somehow sang a line or two...they said the same thing. "Such a voice begs for more attention. More crowd."
It's not that I hate music. But is it really fair for me? For her? For me to live the wish that she dreamt once and for her to sacrifice her dreams so I could fly on unrestrained wings? What about my wishes? What do I want? Right...when I was a kid...when asked in school what I wanted to be, I said-Actor. But that seems really far now.
••••
I jolt awake after having a weird dream and realise I fell asleep on my desk last night. Why the heck did I just dream about that guy? He and I practicing together for the annual program. I don't even know his name let alone practicing songs in our academy. Ugh! Saint Saint...what's gotten into your head? I check my phone. Message from Chris-"I called you at 10.30pm last night after I was back. You didn't pick so I knew you slept. You coming today?"
I immediately call him back. "Hi Chris...I slept surprisingly early last night. Guess I was more tired than I thought." All these music stuff's taking a toll on me.
"That's what I guessed too. You should spend more of your time with me."
"What do you mean?" I cringe a little at his words.
"Meaning? Spend more time with me so I can kiss you every five seconds. Idiot! What do you think?" Chris mocks. "I'm an anti stress tonic. I meant you should enjoy more...having fun, drinking, eating out with friends and stuffs. You are like a caged bird Saint."
"I know."
"So you coming today?"
"Of course. Remember, I was absent for nearly three months earlier this year. I don't wanna do that again."
"Good realisation. So get ready fast and be there. I'm hanging up."
"Wait Chris. You owe me that explanation!" I remind him of that guy.
"I know I know. Besides you'll know about it sooner even if I don't explain."
The call ends. What's that supposed to mean?
I don't find Chris in the classroom. The class will begin in ten minutes. Where's he dying now? Since I have time still...why don't I write my diary?
Dear Diary: Mom kept the reports hidden somewhere. I haven't located them yet. She won't tell me even if I ask a thousand times. But she looks quite better than a month ago. I guess I'll have to watch over her more carefully from now on.
Suddenly whispers rise from around me. "I've seen him today."-"Really? Where?" The other guy asks the previous girl. "He was buying a lemon soda in this store. A motorbike was about to hit a kid but he dashed in the nick of time."
Her mentioning of the lemon soda takes me back to yesterday. That guy also threw a lemon soda can in the trash bin.
"Shh... he's almost here. He's here." The group of girls whisper loudly in delirium. "He's still so hot!" Another girl squeals behind me. Who are they talking about?
I shut my diary and lift my head just when the classroom door slides open. I see a pair of Amber brown eyes surrounded by thick dark lashes. It's him! The guy blocking the entrance is the one I saw yesterday for the first time. The pen drops from my hand.
He tilts his head at his right with a smug look as if he's seizing everyone up. The girls' group encircle him. "He's back!" - "He's still the same oh my gawd!" - "How have you been?"
What I don't understand is that he's a student here! A music student just like me. And I've never met him before once. Where was he? So he's the one who was absent for three months-precisely the same time when I used to be absent too. Although I attended one or two classes in a month or so. But still I never saw him before. Have I been too ignorant for my own good? But wait... Where was he in that time? Don't tell me he was in jail for being a delinquent.
When I'm thinking all these he already has pushed the crowd. Few hands away behind him stands Chris. I curse him in my head for coming late today. Well the teacher's not here yet, so I can't say he's too late. Nevertheless he's late cause I'm already here, sitting.
"Hey, Frost. How have you been? We missed you." Zeb slaps him on the back. The other two guys standing beside him pull him in a hug.
So these guys are close friends of him. No wonder they look all rowdy and savage. Their leader is that guy huh... Thankfully he still hasn't noticed me. I bet even if he notices, he won't care much. After all I get good grades and they seem bad news. Even though I don't like coming here and I lag behind quite often cause I miss lectures on purpose... Because of things-going on in my life. Sometimes I get the highest of points and sometimes I can't focus on my studies at all.
Chris heads towards the seat that I've reserved for him, next to me. But at that very moment that Frost guy looks at me straight. The smirk on his lips stretches to the sides of his cheeks. "Saint." My name tumbles down his mouth.
In a few long strides he's here, standing right in front of me. "Alright, I'm taking this seat." He pulls the chair to sit.
Chris furrows his eyebrows behind me. I won't grimace and give him what he wants. I smile at Chris ignoring Frost. Is that his name? No, it's probably surname?
"You were late. I couldn't do anything," I mutter to Chris. "Meet me at the library after class ends."
He knew my name yesterday and yet I haven't come to know his. But I will not ask him. Never.
Few girls blow whistles. "Woo...two most handsome guys side by side!"
Prof. Adrian enters the classroom shoving a handful of still loitering girls and boys. His eyes are instantly on the Mr. Popular Guy right next to me. "Damien is back I see," Prof. fixes his glasses. "The past couple of months were tough for him as well. Students, don't give him extra suffocating attention. Now let's begin, shall we?"
As well? What did professor mean? Damien huh? Damien Frost.
Some nerdy guys sitting far in the back talks, "We never give him extra attention. He is the all natural extra attention."
So Damien is bad news alright. Damien peers at me as if silently saying-'See, we meet again Saint the angelic face.'
I should focus on Mr. Adrian.
"I shoulda given you my name yesterday, since I got to know yours," Damien speaks.
"I was never impatient about something as trivial as this."
I expected a glare or grimace from him but he smirks. Seriously this guy! Can he smirk all the time?
"Don't worry. Soon you'll be," he asserts.
"For what?" I ask but he doesn't answer.
"Something the matter there?" Prof. Adrian addresses us. "What's with you two?"
I stand up. "He was just apologizing to me for not giving me a proper introduction yesterday when we met for the first time. That's all professor."
Damien's eyes flare this time. "You..."
I return him an all knowing smirk.
"Alright. Sit down. No more talking." Professor goes back to his lecturing.
Somehow I get a feeling that we'd be sharing opposite roles for a long time. As the class ends I gather my belongings to go to the library when Damien pushes his chair to get up. He's blocking my way.
"Boys," he addresses his friends, "Leave me alone for a while, will ya? I need to think about something."
There are three guys in his group apart from Damien himself. Zeb, Todd, Mika. They nod leaving him.
"I think the library is the best place to get some peace," Damien talks to himself.
Chris and I glance at each other with a slight annoyance and confusion. What does he want? I hurriedly drag Chris out of the hallway.
"What's with you?"
"We need to talk." He lets him being dragged and I feel funny. Last night it was exactly the opposite.
When we settle in a corner of the library Chris nudges me in my elbow. "Saint... I know what you want to talk about. That's Damien Frost, the guy who's been absent for some months."