Good news, I was going to live. Better news, I didn't have a concussion.
Bad news, I'd be sore for weeks. Worse news, the Third Hokage was next to my bed.
"Mister Masanari. "
My name is, indeed, Masanari Hanzo. The irony is not lost on me.
"Lord Third. " There was silence.
It was awkward. For my uselessly laid out self, not him.
I think. "Since I'm not with T&I yet, I assume Naruto's fine.
" We'd been separated pretty much immediately on arrival.
"He is quite fine. " Puff puff went the pipe.
"I believe he will be delighted to know he was the first thing you asked about. "
"Please don't. " I pushed myself up with a groan.
I didn't feel dizzy, but I waited a bit just in case. Unfortunately, the man continued to not say I wouldn't be in T&I if Naruto was less than fine.
How nice to know guilty until proven innocent was still in vogue. For the victim too.
"He doesn't need any more-" provocation "-encouragement. "
"I assure you, he is quite distraught at the night's events. "
He must be if the Hokage is visiting a civilian's hospital bed at one past midnight to subtly hint that I'd better not question his word instead of literally anyone or anything else. "That makes two of us then.
"
"I know it will be no compensation for tonight's events, but I'd like to thank you for this thorough lesson in unintended consequences, however accidental. "
Awkwardness was back, but alas for it, I wasn't part of the ninja forces and it hadn't been that long since I was still suicidal. "… How honestly do you want me to reply to that?"
Sarutobi Hiruzen didn't laugh. Wonder of wonders, though, he didn't get angry either.
He just looked baffled. It was actually kind of funny, if it was real.
"I give you permission to surprise me. This once.
"
Which said nothing of how he'd react if the surprise was bad. "Uzumaki Naruto damaged my main means of transportation, desecrated my dead family's remains, broke into my home and then almost got me killed in my own home, all in the span of one evening.
" The smile was gone, but the anger still wasn't there. Visibly, anyway.
"I hope his watcher's been disciplined for that. " Surprise again, or at least that's how he wanted to appear.
I'll take it. "It's October 10th, I assume the kid would've been under surveillance even if he isn't under constant guard the rest of the year.
" Look at that, a civilian is lecturing the local military dictator on opsec while alluding to three different S-class secrets, one of which he might not even know. Hopefully the mortician will remember to cremate me too before-
"I was told you were unusually perceptive," the Hokage said 'casually,' now I know where Naruto gets it from.
"Hardly, it's just common sense what with the whole "–I waved vaguely- "rabbit of the moon thing he has going on. "
This time the look on his face had to be genuine, my pride as a fatalist demanded it. "Rabbit of the moon?"
"Wiggling snout, ridiculously long ears, even longer rear paws, able to leap tall mountains in a single bound, it was clearly a rabbit. "
The Third literally bit his pipe to contain his laughter before he mastered himself. "Perceptive and brazen, I see.
"
"Does that mean my articles have finally filtered up?" I didn't even try to moderate my exasperation. "I don't suppose the censor nin can be given a kick in the rear for taking so long?"
The Third blinked and slowly lowered his pipe. "Mister Masanari.
" Ah, so that's what will pressure feels like. "Are you admitting to being a spy?"
"Sorry to disappoint you, but no. " This should probably have been the point where I started sweating or lost my breath or my heart began to race or any number of fear reactions, but I just didn't care about my own life enough for that anymore.
My silver linings had the biggest clouds, in case it wasn't obvious. "Powerless civilian nobody unable to survive against a five year-old who isn't even trying to kill me, that's all I've got for you.
"
"Very humble too, it seems. " The pipe was back, though the Hokage seemed oddly pensive now.
"You should not be so quick to put yourself down, Mr. Masanari.
"
Oh. Well, that's a nice thought, but.
"Five years is hardly quick," I shrugged, though I didn't feel it. The Third was going way out of his way to let me lead the conversation.
And wasn't leaving. Or having me dragged into a dark hole.
Even if this was just the soft approach to interrogation meant to make me hang myself on my own rope, honestly, it was still better than anything I'd hoped. So.
"Besides, I've got less than a year to make myself heard before the real disaster. "
"And what disaster is that?"
"The complete and irreversible breakdown of Konoha-Uchiha relations. " And there's the killing intent.
My heart did skip a beat this time, but that was it. Huh.
The Third Hokage stared at me.
I stared right back.
The silence dragged on.
"… I don't really know how to proceed from here. " I admitted.
"There are laws that say I'll be executed if I bring certain things up, which is why I haven't submitted my research yet. While I'm not one to weigh one life against hundreds, I don't want to die either.
" Anymore. "Could I bother you for a spot of pre-emptive amnesty?"
The Third Hokage lowered his pipe and stared at me a long while. "Normally, I would disbelieve that a mere civilian would have any actionable intelligence, but the fact you are willing to make such a preposterous, borderline treasonous claim leaves me hesitant after tonight's events.
" The killing intent faded, but the pressure remained. "You will be contacted.
Very soon. I expect proof.
Verifiable proof. I trust I needn't explain what will happen if I do not find it to my satisfaction?"