"Still no word from him?"
Isshin Kurosaki looks up from his cup of tea and at the stripped hat of Kisuke Urahara. He lets out a heavy sigh before answering the mad scientist. "No…It's been roughly three months since I last spoke with him."
Urahara broke open that damnable fan of his and hid half his face behind it. "At this rate I don't think he'll ever come back."
"It's for his own good Kisuke," Isshin sighed again. "It's best for Ichigo to move on from all this."
As Isshin returned his attention to his tea, he heard Urahara hum in thought.
"You know," the former captain of squad twelve said slowly, "I'm the very last person who should hand out advice on parenting but, it seems to me the Ichigo is well on his way to 'moving on' on a permanent basis."
Isshin's grip on his cup tightened.
"What are you going to do if Ichigo decides to leave it all behind?" Urahara said grimly. "If you keep pushing him away, he may decide that he's a burden to his family and friends…or even worse, that they are a burden to him."
"Ichigo won't do that Kisuke," Isshin said firmly. "He's incredibly understanding and mature for his age."
"Yes, yes, I completely agree," Urahara said cheerily. "So mature in fact, that the best way to handle him is to drive him into exile and pretend he doesn't even exist."
"That's not true and you know it, Kisuke!" Isshin rumbled.
"Do you think me stupid? Wait, don't answer that!" Urahara said quickly. "I know that the only reason that you came up with this rotten plan is on the hope that Ichigo won't question your origins. So much easier to avoid the awkward 'I've been deceiving you all your life' conversation by disposing of him like common trash."
Isshin looked at Urahara with a blank expression.
"Fuck you Kisuke," he said flatly.
"Hmm," the deceptively cheerful man said while waving his fan. "And then there are his friends who think him so weak of heart that they believe he will give into depression and petty jealousy. I mean, it's not as if he willingly gave up everything for all our sakes."
The former shinigami dropped his head onto the table.
Several moments of silence passed between the two. Isshin continued to wallow in his numerous regrets while Urahara simply fanned himself. After a few moments, Isshin heard a soft thud on the table and groaned as he heard a strong masculine voice. "What's going on here?"
"Ah, Yoruichi-san!" The 'humble;' shop owner said good naturedly. "Kurosaki-san and I were lost on the road of life together."
An awkward silence fell into the room and Isshin felt that something horribly wrong about to occur across the universe. When nothing happened, he glanced up to see a black cat staring down at him condescendingly. "In other words," The cat said. "You were telling this waste of space what a crap assed father he is, right?"
Isshin dropped his back on the table with force.
Urahara laughed heartily. "Nothing that intense Yoruichi-san. We were just reflecting on some past choices on Kurosaki-san's part."
"Hmph,"Yoruichi huffed. "So how is my favorite strawberry doing?"
"Oh don't ask Kurosaki-san," Urahara laughed. "He hasn't spoken to his son in over three months. Oh! Don't worry though! It's all part of his master plan!"
Isshin could actually feel Yoruichi's glare on his skull. No doubt the former assassin princess of Soul Society was seething in indignation on behalf of her student. "You know," her voice came acerbically. "If you don't want him, I'll gladly take him off your hands. We could even formalize an adoption and everything. The Shihōin family would be ecstatic to know that Ichigo's potentially powerhouse kids would fall under their jurisdiction."
"You expect me to hand him over to those sharks?" Isshin mumbled against the wood of the table in quiet outrage.
"At least they would want him around," she said, the anger and resentment in her tone all too apparent.
He slowly raised his head to meet her golden eyes shining with censor. "It's for his own good. It's best for him to no longer be involved with our world. He can't be involved with our world."
"Yes," she spat. "And I suppose it's also for Yuzu's and Karin's sake that they worry themselves sick for the big brother they haven't seen or heard from in months. All for their own good."
Yoruichi's word were like a knife twisting in his gut. He was a prideful and stubborn man, Isshin knew this. However, he honestly thought that the best thing for Ichigo would be to get as far way from the machinations of Soul Society as possible. He knew how those old farts in Central 46 thought. Someone like his son, a wild card, would be perceived as a major threat to their power. Especially since Isshin had gone and revealed himself in the conflict with Aizen.
If Ichigo ended up regaining his powers and with the added knowledge of his lineage, Soul Society law mandated that his son take up the mantle of Clan Head. Never mind that the Shiba were considered outcasts now. Isshin himself was ineligible due to him having abandoning his previous post.
The old bastards would never let go of the opportunity to get their hands on the secrets of the Shiba family and they would manipulate Ichigo all the way to hell and back to get them. No, it was for the best that Ichigo be driven far away. Even if it tore the boy to shreds on the inside.
As for Yuzu and Karin…
Isshin slammed his head against the table once more. They'd understand once they were older…hopefully.
"You know," Urahara said. "Ichigo is a surprisingly resourceful and dedicated young man. What will you do if he decides to leave the country?"
"Eh?" Yuroichi tilted her head. "What a dumb question Kisuke. We drag him back and kick his ass. Screw Soul Society and their 'Ichigo Kurosaki is to not be approached' laws."
"Why on Earth would Ichigo leave the country Kisuke?" Isshin asked.
"Hmm, perhaps to start a new life away from his neglecting family? Or maybe he decides to become an internationally acclaimed model? Who knows, really?"
Isshin looked up and stared dumbly at Urahara.
'Ichigo?…As a model?…Pfft…not a snowball's chance in hell.'
Yoruichi purred. "Mmm, I wouldn't mind if Ichigo went and did a catwalk in nothing but his underwear. Say what you will about that kid, but he knows how to rock his bod."
Isshin gagged as bile rose within his mouth. The images were only made worse by Yoruichi's all too masculine voice. 'There goes any thoughts of dinner tonight…or sleep for that matter.'