There are moments I was physically in… but emotionally absent.
Like when my friends were laughing around me, and I smiled, but I wasn't really there. My body was sitting on that bench, but my mind was five layers deep thinking about whether I was annoying them, whether I said too much, whether I even belonged in that moment at all.
That's the trap of overthinking.
It pulls you out of the now and drops you into the what if.
I've missed sunsets because I was thinking about what someone meant when they said, "You've changed."
I've ignored music playing in the background because I was stuck replaying something I said three weeks ago.
I've looked at a photo of a memory and realized I wasn't fully living it when it was happening. I was thinking through it.
The worst part? These moments some of them were good.
Really good.
But instead of soaking them in, I was stuck analyzing every facial expression, every sentence, every silence.
"I was so busy trying to understand the moment that I forgot to live it."
And it's not just the happy moments I lose it's the quiet ones too.
Like late-night drives when the road is empty and the air feels soft. That should be peace, right?
But my brain doesn't know how to sit still. It needs to process everything. Even silence. Especially silence.
I think that's why I'm always tired.
Not from life.
From the way I miss life by thinking too hard about it.
People talk about mindfulness like it's a switch you can flip.
But for me, it's like trying to stop a train that's been running all night with no brakes.
I want to be here. I really do.
But the thoughts… they don't wait. They never have.
Maybe one day, I'll learn how to breathe in a moment without needing to break it apart.
Maybe I'll learn that being present is worth more than being perfect.
And maybe just maybe I'll stop trading real life for the illusion of control.
Because I'm tired of living in my head while my life passes by without me.