Why did I trust Lute so quickly? Why did I tell her so directly about the "memory loss"? It's very simple: I'd ALREADY blown my cover on the very first day I arrived in Heaven. In the event of Adam's death, she was supposed to take my place, so she should have plenty of skills to detect oddities.
Her crush also played a significant role, but still, the main factor was that she felt I was that Adam. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time Browse forums, looking for various information, and found out that all Exorcists feel their "Daddy" Adam.
And since I wasn't chopped into little pieces, Lute and those two Exorcists at the entrance still felt I was Adam. Apparently, it's tied to the body? Or perhaps, a part of Adam's soul is enough?
Not the point. The main thing is they didn't notice the switch, and in such a case, Lute herself would come up with a plausible enough explanation. That's just how human logic works, even if she retains some doubts. And perhaps she'll even run to report to the Seraphim, but I have plenty of time to convince her that "everything is normal."
We continued to sit in my kitchen. Lute demonstratively poured the slop I had managed to make down the sink and then brewed herself some tea.
"You select the Exorcists yourself; there are several requirements, like gender and beliefs, but the main thing is some kind of spark. You said you feel a spark within us, 'one that can grow into a sacred flame of hatred.' I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I've learned to identify this 'spark,' not as well as you, but not bad either," Lute explained, washing down her explanation with tea.
So it turns out I just need to pick feisty girls who have it in for "evil." But how does this process actually happen? Abracadabra – and the girl's an Exorcist? I'll ask.
"Actually, it's a rather complex process," Lute began to answer. "First, you need to fill the body of the one being converted with Light, in such a concentration that all Darkness begins to burn out from within. At the same time, everything 'superfluous' burns away, and the subject experiences incredible pain, as if molten steel were poured in instead of blood," the lieutenant shuddered.
"So, you just need to pour a bunch of Light into an angel? What's so complicated about that? And why only girls?" I started asking questions, realizing by the third one that I should probably ask them one at a time.
"Not just 'pour Light'; it's a rather complex process. You had a book somewhere that you wrote. Everything is described in detail there; it should be in your study," Lute said, taking another sip of tea. "As I said, 'everything superfluous' burns away. As you can see, some pigments also suffer, so 'superfluous' is clearly defined somewhat crookedly. For men, for example, their members burn off."
Fuck.
"Understood. You don't happen to remember the title of the book?" I try not to show emotion, but the thought of what men would experience awakened my male solidarity... And phantom pains in my "nether regions."
"'Structure of Exterminators and Acceptance of Light.' You didn't like calling us Exorcists; you more often called us Exterminators…" she said a little sadly, finishing her tea.
Does she miss the old Adam?
"Got it, I'll have to take a look. And what's the deal with Lilith? I remember we agreed on something with her, but I don't remember the details at all," I changed the subject so as not to look at a sad Lute. She's cute in moments like these, of course, but my heart skips a beat for some reason.
"Lilith was preparing to rebel," Lute sighed. "Seven years ago, she gathered an army of sinners, empowered them with her fucking songs, and riled them up for war with Heaven. Thanks to her empowerment, they could harm us. We killed most of them, the remnants managed to escape, and Lilith, after a fight with you, managed to bargain for permission to live in Heaven. The deal is: as long as Hell doesn't threaten Heaven's safety, she can relax on one of the islands without meddling in Heaven's affairs. Just so you know, I was against it," Lute bristled at the end of her speech.
She acts all "strong and independent," but even a blind man would notice her true feelings. Cute.
By the way, does this mean Adam managed to screw Lilith over? I mean, "As long as Hell doesn't threaten Heaven." It literally threatens the entire universe by its very existence, so, purely theoretically, I could kick her back to Hell right now…
But I won't do that. Firstly, I haven't recovered Adam's skills, and she should be no weaker than him. Secondly, I just don't want to ruin my relationship with her. She managed to power up sinners with her songs so much that they could kill Exorcists. In the first war, she was on Adam and Lucifer's side, but what if she had powered up all the sinners like that back then? All hundreds of millions? Especially when we hadn't yet received angelic weapons? Immortal sinners, who revive and charge at a squad of angels. Just imagining it is terrifying.
Stop! Angelic weapons! How could I forget? No one here knows they can harm an angel (which once again speaks to the stupidity of the locals; Vaggie had her eye gouged out and wings cut off with an angelic weapon a year ago, and no one could draw any conclusions... Idiots!), and it's highly undesirable for me to give sinners the ability to harm me and my girls.
Only, Adam, apparently wanting to further reduce the sinner population, ordered all weapons to be left in Hell after a purge, so they would kill each other. And he didn't bother to check if these weapons could kill an angel. And there are so many weapons there that you could arm all of humanity, several times over. The purges have been going on for millennia, after all.
Just fucking great.
Will I have to face the music with Sera? Definitely, even if it's risky, but it's better to risk it than to get a knife in the liver later from some loli-maid. Yes, Niffty, I'm preparing for our meeting; you won't fucking shut me up like in canon!
But first, I need to bring proof that an Exorcist can indeed be killed with an angelic weapon. Why? To shift the focus from my oddities to the evidence. Bring the head of that, what's-her-name? Harfy? I think so. Not enough. I could also grab Carmilla – let her explain herself to Sera. Well, that sounds fun.
But first, I need to train, recover my skills, and spend time with Lute, and after that, I can brazenly show up at a meeting of "overlords," relieve some stress, and capture Carmilla. And for not killing her after that, she'll owe me. After all, she's not just a sinner, but a sinner who killed my subordinate. I liked her in the cartoon, but I'm not going to let her off without any punishment for such an act. Killing two birds with one stone, so to speak.
"Lute, I'd like to train. Will you help me?" I look expectantly at a calmed-down Lute.
"Train? You want to recover your skills?" she understood immediately. "We can go to the training ground; there's enough space, and no one is there right now."
"Excellent idea, let's fly."
Fifteen minutes later, we arrived at an empty training ground. It was incredibly huge, significantly larger than any football field. It looked like a giant snow-white field – all leveled and covered with white concrete. No stands, no buildings – just you, concrete, and your complexes. Classic.
Nothing around, typical Heaven: clouds, clouds, clouds… and the sun.
We Landed on the site.
"So, will you help me remember how to fight? And I could use a refresher on my Light control skills, because besides this," – I shoot a laser into the air, as a diversion, then teleport behind Lute and place my hand on her startled shoulder – "I don't remember anything else."
"Adam, don't do that again, I almost took your head off!" hissed the "ferocious" Exorcist.
Unable to resist, I grinned. Considering I was wearing a mask, it looked quite creepy: a demon with huge sharp fangs smirking and looking straight into your soul. Demons would shit themselves from something like that. But Lute herself was wearing a mask, and, apparently, was used to this kind of circus, so she just rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.
"Alright, alright, baby, don't get worked up, better help your big boss." – I enjoyed trolling her; I understand why Adam had so much fun.
"Then let's start with the basics, and after that, we'll spar."
The training took several hours. First, they explained the specifics of angel combat to me, then they threw me from side to side, admitting that, apparently, my skills were returning quickly. Then we spent a lot of time studying Adam's "magical" abilities, recovering past skills. Funny how they call it "magic," when their whole system is built on clear Light energy and rather crude logic.
By the way, I learned to create that projection, improved my telekinesis, fully mastered the skill of creating portals, and even experimented a bit with the "laser," making it spiral in an attempt to hit a deftly circling Lute. She dodged with a face as if I were throwing trash at her, not a deadly laser of Light, and it actually moved at the speed of light. Get the joke?
In the end, it was definitely worth it. I managed to secure the support of Adam's deputy, whom he trusted and who knew a lot about him, sometimes even too much. The opportunity to restore my combat capability was pleasing – I wouldn't be able to fight off a Seraph, of course, but apart from Lucifer, there are no combat-ready Seraphim. The main thing is not to mess with him for now; let him stew in his own "grief," making ducks.
And just recently, he tried to break into Heaven again to get his wife back. Fucking romantic. And the funniest thing is, his beloved herself wanted to ditch for Heaven. Didn't warn him, and when he started calling – just turned off her phone. No "goodbye," no "sorry," not even "I'm at the store." Pure classic female logic. And then she even smirked when Adam confronted her about her hubby. Only the mention that "Lucifer's actions are a potential threat to Heaven" managed to cool her down a bit; that's what Lute told me, my-not-my memory still told me to get lost.
After training, we sat in a café, eating very decent strawberry ice cream. I got mine for free, by the way – status perks, you know. And then, after walking for another hour in the local park (where even the birds sing on schedule, at least, I'm pretty sure that damn thrush chirped exactly once a minute), we parted ways. I hope Lute didn't fly off to report to Sera? Although, even if she did, I have time – now I'm at least not helpless, and knowing the toothlessness of the local Seraphim, I think I don't even need to fear them, though I don't know them personally, and information on the internet can be... not very reliable…
By the way, about oddities: the money system here is some kind of surrealism. Yes, there's money, called the "Heavenly Dollar." Capitalists are indestructible, even in Heaven.
Actually, money here is mostly decorative. It was introduced at the request of the residents themselves. Like, they want motivation to work. So it's normal here to get a job, say, as a waiter once every hundred years, work for a year or two, and then laze around in the clouds for another century. Because utilities are free, apartments are free, food is free. If you want – you go to a supermarket, grab everything, scan it at the checkout, and leave without paying. Nobody cares. Cafes and restaurants operate on the same principles. Barter? No. Everyone just has everything. And money – that's just for showing off.
In short, Heaven is a kind of social experiment mixed with some kind of stoned utopia. Though, to be honest, it works in places. Not without its craziness, but it works.
Returning to the topic, I'd like to gain influence in Hell – this will not only help with the rehabilitation of sinners but also strengthen my position in general. And, let's be honest, it's nice to be famous, even in Hell. Influence is a currency that's worth much more in such places than heavenly dollars. If only because in Hell, no one will listen to you just like that if you haven't earned the right to a voice. The cult of strength, power, and fear reigns here.
Of course, I don't have access to Hell's equivalent of Google (or to hellish internet at all, if it exists here), but I think I can guess without racking my brains: my reputation among sinners is so-so. To them, I'm literally the final boss, the personification of catastrophe and heavenly punishment. An ancient archangel who has slaughtered them by the tens, hundreds, thousands over millennia. They should be scared of me to the point of hiccuping, but knowing the local penchant for strength, most likely – they also respect me. Fear and respect – a very solid foundation for authority.
So those jokes of mine about "showing up at a meeting of overlords"… maybe they're not such jokes after all. On the contrary, if everything is set up correctly – it could be the beginning of an interesting game.
I sent Lute a message: "Watch Alastor. When he goes somewhere with a bunch of sentient eggs, let me know." Short, clear, without details. Lute already has too many reasons to worry – I don't want to burden her prematurely.
To be honest, the further this goes, the less I understand what's happening to me. One moment I'm telling myself not to risk anything, that I need to think everything through, verify… and a couple of hours later I'm already making plans to intimidate the entire top brass of Hell. I definitely have some suicidal tendencies. Or maybe it's just that Adam's nature awakening in me? In any case, I need to think everything through properly. Think it through very well.
I wanted a distraction. Lute showed me an app – something like a local equivalent of Telegram. The Exorcists have their own private chat there, where all active "exterminatresses" are added. Naturally, I immediately became interested in what they write about me. Maybe something useful will surface… some dirt, memories, gossip, inside jokes that could reveal personal connections. Any information is worth its weight in gold, especially now.
Though, on second thought, I decided to leave it for the evening. Let it be a little entertainment before bed. And now I need to do something else – regain my guitar skills. That dreary video should be in my watch history, right?
Found it. Play. Five minutes later, I'm already starting to regret it. The guy in the video speaks as if his only goal is to lull the listener to sleep. A monotonous, viscous, dull voice. Like a dreary tomato started giving music lectures. I had already forgotten it was THAT bad. But I'm stubborn. So I'm sitting in the music room trying to squeeze something out of myself. My fingers remember, my head doesn't. Funny how the body suggests movements that the mind doesn't understand. Muscle memory, you're truly a miracle.
I sat, strummed, tortured the strings. And myself. At one point, it even seemed like I caught the rhythm. Or did it just seem so out of boredom?
Later, towards nightfall, I decided to check out that chat with the beautiful exterminatresses after all. Read a bit, laughed, even commented on something. The joke landed; someone reacted with a winged emoji. Cozy. Warm. A little strange to realize that most of these sweet (and deadly dangerous) girls once chose the path of an Exorcist, going through pain and purification by Light. And now they're in a chat joking about kittens and discussing new wings like a fashion accessory.
Wished Lute goodnight. Surprisingly, she replied almost immediately. "You too. We'll continue training tomorrow, boss." No emojis, but I could detect warm irony in those lines.
Yes, I know, I'm raising more and more suspicions. Lots of oddities, changed too drastically, behaving too atypically. But, damn it, I'm tired of being afraid. Really. Sometimes I just want to live. Even if it's life in someone else's body, in someone else's role, and in a completely alien, fucked-up world.
So – time to sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day. And with it – new problems, new plans… and, perhaps, even more headaches. But that's tomorrow.