> The damp grass stung the soles of my bare feet with each step I took.
> No, not because I was weak.
> This garden, where I once ran and laughed with *her* for days, now seemed to turn against me.
> *"I'm scared... someone help me."*
Is that what she said?
Yes… yes, exactly that. And I had done nothing.
Maybe I really was weak.
The wound on my foot was deep enough to stop me, but in that moment, fear outpaced pain.
Searchlights combed the garden through the pitch-black night, ready to find me at any second.
Why did these people—people I had given years of my life to—now look so terrifying?
I knew the answer.
**Truth.**
The truths I had unearthed with my endless curiosity now wanted to take everything from me.
> I couldn't take it anymore.
> Not the pain, not the fear... I couldn't carry any of it any longer.
> Maybe I should just give up, I thought.
> Yes… maybe that was for the best.
> What could be worse anyway?
> At most... I'd die.
What pulled me from those dark thoughts… was the warmth of a hand clutching mine with all its might.
In this cold, lifeless night, it was the only thing that felt real.
"Are you scared?" they asked, their wide eyes fixed on mine.
There was no trace of the fear that gnawed at my soul in their gaze.
*Hold on,* I told myself. *Be brave.*
Just like the hero in that book...
If I can be brave, we can go on.
Maybe... maybe there is a home for us in this world.
But am I really a monster?
A freak?
Why did they say that?
After everything we went through—how could they?
"They're getting closer... do you want us to get caught?"
Their grip on my hand tightened.
I could hear the footsteps too.
But I just… couldn't move anymore.
And to be honest, I had no reason to.
Please… let go of my hand. I'm begging you.
I tried to say, "Let go," but my lips had lost both voice and strength.
I didn't even want to think about the state of my leg.
They let go—slowly.
Then… they made a strange sound.
I leaned in to see their face through the dark.
I didn't understand.
"What… is this?" I whispered.
Something like water was streaming down their cheeks.
I don't understand, I thought. And maybe I never will.
"Are you hurt? Your eye… what's in your eye?"
There was something in my chest I couldn't explain.
It resembled fear—but it wasn't.
It wasn't for me.
It was *for them.*
I gently wiped the liquid from their face.
We were never taught about this.
"…Crying," they said.
"What?"
The word echoed beneath the shadow of the tree we were crouched under.
It didn't sound unfamiliar.
It felt like I'd heard it before, but I couldn't remember where.
"It's called crying," they said. "Spica told me. When I saw her like this... she said, 'I'm crying.' But she told me not to tell anyone. Is it a bad thing? She also… she also called us monsters."
"We are *not* monsters!"
They looked at me in surprise.
I'd raised my voice.
If someone had heard it, this might've been the end.
But in that moment… that feeling…
It's something that's haunted me ever since.
Since the day they took her away, something inside me… has been growing.
Like I'm about to explode...
A thought that turns my whole body stiff and cold, whenever it rises.
> "We have to go… please… I'm scared."
They began tugging at my hand again.
"Why?" I said. "We shouldn't have tried this in the first place. Look at me. We could just stay here."
I lowered my gaze.
"Even if we escape them… do you really think we can pass through those doors? Let's just wait… The end will be the same anyway."
I pushed them gently to the side so they'd stop tugging at my clothes, then sat down on the grass.
As I watched the approaching lights...
I felt fear, calm, and a thousand nameless feelings swirl inside me all at once.
In the Garden of Velmorr… they had never been this overwhelming.
*This is it,* I thought, sighing.
And then—
A sudden blow struck my face, sending me crashing into the tree beside me.
It hurt!
It *hurt.*
It hurt so much...
Their hand was balled into a tight fist. They stood tall in front of me.
Yes...
They had punched me.
In Velmorr Gardens, that was absolutely forbidden.
And it truly *hurt.*
"Why… why did you do that? That hurt... and that behavior is forbidden, I'm sure of it."
Tears glistened in their eyes, but I heard a sound from their lips—
a giggle, maybe.
I didn't understand.
Was it from joy… or from fear?
"What forbidden rules?" they said, their voice shaking but determined.
"We're trying to escape. And if they catch us… they'll give *us* that shot too."
Their eyes locked with mine.
"And you know what happens after… don't you?"
> Despite their young age, they were acting far more rationally than me.
> But that was normal.
Right now, they were Velmorr's best.
They were the new **S-01**.
And I... I was **S-07**.
I hadn't had any major issues—yet. Maybe I wouldn't for a while.
But I still took this risk—and once again, ruined everything.
Just like in the tests…
I couldn't stay calm.
But what could I do?
I was just a child raised in a world of cold steel walls and uncertain tomorrows…
"S-01… you'll go on without me," I said quietly.
"And in the end… you'll be caught. I'm sure that hole in the wall you mentioned has already been sealed."
"Why…"
Their voice was barely a whisper, lingering between sound and silence.
"Why won't you come?
You say you regret not doing anything… yet you're still too scared to act.
You keep saying this wouldn't have happened if we'd never seen that cursed book.
Maybe you're right.
After all… the one who gave it to us was the Professor.
Of course, he had a reason.
But… even so…"
They looked into my eyes.
"Even so… didn't you call yourself *Sirius* after reading it?
Instead of just a letter and number…
You gave yourself a *name*."
That again…
I began grumbling inwardly.
I was about to say something selfish.
Wait...
Since when did I start thinking about things like *this*?
"S-01… you asked why I wouldn't come, didn't you?"
I took a deep breath.
"Because… I have no purpose anymore.
And just look at my disgusting leg."
"Your leg… it's not hurt enough to stop you from walking," they said.
Then their gaze pierced mine.
"And you say you have no purpose?
Then you're wrong about that too.
If you're *Sirius*—then you have to protect me."
They were right.
My leg wasn't as bad as I thought.
In fact… it had already started to heal.
Well… maybe that's just one of the perks of being a monster.
But why do I have to protect you?
"And why's that?" I asked.
Their reply came—soft, but shattering:
"Because… you have to protect your sister."
Those words—
The moment they left their lips, they lodged themselves in my brain like shards of ice.
Again…
Is it happening again? Again… again… always again.
I want to wake up.
I want to wake up.
**I WANT TO WAKE UP, DAMN IT!**
First came the darkness.
Then…
Through the pain, I forced my eyes open to a strange room I didn't recognize.
I tried to recall where I was, but my mind… was hazy.
The last thing I remembered—
My arm!
I threw off the blanket and checked.
It was there.
Perfectly intact.
Not even a scratch.
But I *remembered*—
The raw agony of it being torn off still echoed through my nerves.
I didn't think my body could heal something like that.
But even if it could…
This fast?
This *perfectly*?
No.
I had never experienced anything like this.
There *had* to be a limit to healing... right?
But what did it matter?
Where I was, what I had done—
Even who I was…
None of it mattered anymore.
All I had now were fragments of a night long gone.
And—
A dream I couldn't explain,
One that filled me with dread.
Wait… what's this now?
Something warm sliding down my cheek—
Am I sick?
Why is this happening… all of a sudden?
"Was that what she called crying?"
A bitter smile curved my lips.
"I'm crying… ha… hahaha…"
Funny.
Truly funny.
Because somewhere deep inside, a voice was still whispering:
You have a purpose.
Something you've forgotten.
A place you have to go.
Someone you have to find.
…
"Why… am I even alive?"
At that very moment, shouting erupted outside the room.
Harsh voices. Heated tones. People I didn't recognize.
And the dream…
Was already slipping away into the depths of my mind.
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