Chapter 4 — Of Buffaloes, Siopao, and Delusions
POV: Ryan Hawkins
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🛏️ Scene 1 — 3:08 AM | Ryan's Room — The Delulu Dream
> Me (mumbling, half-asleep):
"Yeah… I can join that damn department… I just need to study… focus… f—zzZz…"
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🎬 DREAM MODE: ON
Suddenly, I was back inside the Anti-Scammer Department.
Cold air. Cinematic lighting. Angelic background music. Felt like a K-drama intro.
Then she appeared.
Rachel.
Long black hair. Swinging ID badge. Eyes sparkling like they had their own Instagram filter.
> Rachel (softly):
"Sir Ryan… good morning."
(Slow motion. Sparkles. Wind from nowhere.)
I blushed. She stepped closer. Then closer…
Leaned in—
Her lips brushed mine.
I closed my eyes.
> Smooch.
Moooo.
…
> Me (eyes still closed):
"Wait… what?"
I opened my eyes.
Rachel was gone.
Standing in front of me now was—
A buff water buffalo. Wearing eyeliner. And a faint mustache.
> Kalabaw (seductively):
"Daddy… one more kiss~"
> Me (screaming in dream):
"WHAT THE ACTUAL—"
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😱 Scene 2 — 3:09 AM | Ryan's Room — Reality Hits
> Me (bolting upright):
"AHHH! BUFFALOOOO!!!"
I sat in bed, sweating, gasping, traumatized.
> Me (wide-eyed):
"Was that a nightmare… or emotional damage in disguise?"
My room was still messy. My textbook still unopened.
I reached for the one beside me.
> How to Not Be a Disappointment Vol. 2 — Wake the Hell Up
> Me (sighing):
"Alright. No more kissing livestock. Time to study."
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📚 Scene 3 — 8:12 AM | Luneta college
I arrived at school smiling like I got a scholarship from the University of Delusion.
> Me (thinking):
"This is it. My redemption arc begins… with a touch of insanity."
I entered like I was in a shampoo commercial.
Wind? Check.
Delulu? Maxed out.
> Me (to a guy):
"Good morning, Proof!"
> Random Guy (blinking):
"Uhh… my name's Paolo."
> Me (nodding seriously):
"Oh. Right. I meant your earrings."
(pause)
"Wait. Where is your hair?!"
> Paolo:
"You okay, bro?"
> Me (grinning):
"Nope. But I showed up anyway."
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📼 Flashback: Me as a Kid
Even as a kid, I was built different.
While the other kids ate crayons by accident…
I ate them on purpose.
To assert dominance.
Lost a jack-en-poy game once.
Challenged my classmate to a spelling bee.
We both cried.
> Me (thinking):
"I may be small… but my delulu is XXL."
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🧑🏫 Scene 4 — 8:30 AM | Room 203 — The Teacher with Aura
I took my seat at the back and watched as our teacher walked in like a K-drama second lead.
Glasses? Check.
Rolled sleeves? Danger.
Aura? Rachel-level.
> Me (blushing):
"Why does this man give off forbidden romance energy?!"
> Sir Teacher (writing on board):
"Open your books to page 42."
> Me (internally panicking):
"Yes, daddy—WAIT. NO. I mean sir. TEACHER. EDUCATOR."
Brain? Lagging like a cheap charger.
I looked down at my notebook. I had written only one line:
> He has veins.
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🛎️ Scene 5 — 4:00 PM | Outside School — Post-Class Delulu Drift
Bell rang. Class dismissed.
> Me (stretching):
"Finally. Time to go home and cry horizontally."
As I walked past traffic, I tried guessing car brands like a broke Top Gear host.
> Me:
"Honda. Mitsubishi. Is that a Tesla?—Nope. Jeepney with a spoiler and a rosary."
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🥟 Scene 6 — Siopao Stand
Then I smelled it.
Steam. Warm bread. Childhood.
Siopao.
I stopped.
> Me (soft):
"…Mama."
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🎞️ Flashback: 6 Years Ago — Our Kitchen
> Mama (smiling):
"Anak, when life gets hard… eat a siopao. It's soft. Warm. Like a hug."
> Me (tiny):
"But we don't have ulam."
> Mama:
"Then siopao is the ulam."
> Me:
"Siopao supremacy."
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🌀 Present Time
> Me (staring at siopao):
"Mama… your steamed hugs still haunt me."
I reached into my pocket.
Empty.
I walked away siopao-less.
But emotionally full.
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🏠 Scene 7 — 5:02 PM | My Apartment (a.k.a. Depression HQ)
Twelve thousand steps later, I was home.
> Me (sniffing the air):
"Yup. Smells like wet dog, failed dreams, and someone else's regret."
I collapsed on the floor dramatically like a telenovela lead discovering betrayal.
> Me (to ceiling):
"This is home. It stinks. I love it."
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To Be Continued…
Stay tuned for Chapter 5, godbless