Chapter 9 - IX. Silent Heart

𝔗𝔬𝔡𝔞𝔶 was a rather chaotic day, more than most in fact and the whole house was turned upside down like every other week on a sunday morning. A pair of plump lips moistened at the touch of a glass of water and set it down, rosy cheeks were tainted with powder to enhance their hint of innocence, and a small thin black pen tracing the outside of her slanted eyes with a delicateness that you would only ever see at a salon. The female let out a sigh and remained stiff and tense as she felt thin warm fingers sift through her scalp and grasped her thin messy bed hair. She smiled at the woman in the mirror as she watched Giovanna fix her hair and cut the split ends.

All this for a sunday...how astonishing. The female thought as she caught Giovanna's staring gaze and smiled warmly in return, Giovanna grinned in return as she settled for a braided crown connecting to her half bun and beamed at her masterpiece. "I'm not known as the Master stylist for nothing! How they all long to have me work for them! You're one blessed maiden My lady! I shall enslave myself for you for the rest of my life if I can see something as beautiful as this for as long as I breathe!" Giovanna exaggeratedly expressed as she set down the brush and scissors along with the many other trinkets in her hands to perfect the hairdo. "You look beautiful My lady, but I hope you also feel beautiful in here," Giovanna placed her index finger on the female's chest where she breathed in and out in a tense manner. Giovanna smiled as she looked up to see her lady's face and comforted her by saying this.

Her lady's lips parted and she was shocked at the comment but quickly recovered by smiling warmly st Giovanna and placing a hand on her shoulder. Giovanna was surprised as her lady was very aversive when it came to physical touch. Giovanna nodded and smiled in return, quickly slipping away from her lady's warm touch and scurried to get her a lovely thin white ribbon made of silk. She tied it around her lady's hair and turned it into a loose bow, her lady turned around and saw herself in the mirror and frowned slightly.

Giovanna took notice and quickly moved in front of her, "My lady you look beautiful today! Obviously not as stunning as I! But you know, its decent enough." She raised an eyebrow as she posed stylishly lifting her dress slightly above her ankles, "The men go crazy over some sexy ankles like these!" Giovanna huffed proudly, as she pushed back her hair smirked. Her lady chuckled, her lips curving into a wide smile as she stared tenderly at Giovanna.

"They must, I can not fathom how they would not." The female chuckled lightly, her room was somewhat empty, barely any furniture inside but the nice windy breeze that scattered in like leaves in fall made her feel nostalgic. As a child she would play in the fall with anticipation of piles of leaves to jump in. Her church would host events at times and even let the children play while the adults remained inside for a bible study. The female stared out the window from a distance silently with a peaceful expression as Giovanna stared back in return and grinned at her lady lovingly.

"Welp, My lady, we should start preparing to head out! We wouldn't want the Pastor to scold us now would we?" Giovanna hushed as she cleaned up after her lady and handed the rest of the work over to Ellen who seemed to smile anxiously and watched. Giovanna turned to her lady and reached her hand out for her lady to hold because of her heels and her lady took it. Ellen stared sadly and longingly from a distance, she felt like she had been demoted from best friend to just an acquiantance.

Ellen's lips parted until she lost the will to speak her mind, "I have failed you, lady Mirren..." She mumbled as she watched her lady walk away until her shadow left the coldness of the hallways and there was no sound to affiliate with her presence. She had left her in that dark empty place called a room, and she finally understood.

"What have I done?" Ellen choked out, she never would have imagined that her lady would feel alone like this and isolated from the rest of the world on purpose. She made her lady feel like that. She brought this onto her. Helping the instigator and hurting the victim. Deluding herself with the idea her lady would never feel anything because she was benevolent and kind in her eyes. Ellen began to clean and pick up the lumps of dresses on the bed and found a book underneath the pillow while cleaning and opened it.

 Ellen let out a loud gasp as she read its contents and bit her lip, anxiously looking around hoping nobody was nearby to hear it. "This is all my fault...I am to blame for this. I should have trusted Lady Mirren..." She regretted as her calloused hands brushed past the book gently.

As the two ladies walked in the hallway that seemed to scream danger, they walked to the dining room where Mirren always met up with her family. This was necessary so that the Madam of the house could see what they were wearing before heading out, as to not tarnish the reputation of the Clemente house.

Soon they stood before the large doors Giovanna turned to Mirren whose gaze lingered on the looming doors before her that seemed to scream in desperation. Giovanna quickly took notice and beamed at her lady, "Lady, I will be right outside these doors, if you ever require my assistance I will gladly jump in and snatch you away like a runaway bride on her wedding day." Mirren rapidly turned to her and her lips slightly parted as she managed to form a smile that seemed to seek refuge and found one temporarily, like the shade underneath a tree in the hot summer. There was a gladness Mirren felt when Giovanna spoke, like she couldn't understand her lady but she still knew she was not a doll but a human.

"Thank you, Giovanna, I will be quick then." Mirren patted her shoulder in reassurance and her heels began to clack against the emptiness of the manor, she took a deep breath before finally deciding to nod at the servants so as to open the doors. As the doors began to slowly open she caught her regina's glare from a distance and averted her gaze quickly. I do not think I have done anything wrong lately. I managed the kids' budget and made sure to assign each servant their chore, I also finished any work that was left on my Mother's desk. So then...it can only mean one thing. Mirren looked back at regina who seemed to stare her down, she finally walked in as if holding in her breath she let out a sigh

Regina simply looked her up and down and nodded, the large room made the atmosphere seem more dreary than usual but Mirren continued. For it was the norm for her, she could not fathom a place different from this one. Filled to the brim with anxiety and fear for rejection, that is what this house meant to her.

Mirren parted her lips and began to speak with an indifferent tone despite not wanting to, "Mother, may I bring Giovanna along? She can carry our bags as we go in our carriage." Tension filled the room as everyone, even the servants turned to look at her, as if they were predators eyeing its prey.

"What for? Do not tell me you have-"

"No Mother, I noticed your bag was rather heavy and Giovanna has a lot of strength due to her upbringing. I want to give her use, else she will laze around God knows where." Mirren replied quickly and quietly with a dry tone, Regina stared her down and thought about it, Mirren watched her reactions and began to gulp, her heart beat quickened as she watched with each second that flew by. I cut her off earlier. Maybe she noticed...I have to be more careful next time. 

"Alright. Order her to take our bags and ride on a horse with the rest of the servants." Regina turned to Mirren and then at the butler as he nodded, glancing back at Mirren who turned to the doors and waved at the servants to get Giovanna. Mirren felt queasy and a strange and warm emotion inside of her, her lips quivered at the thought of Giovanna accompanying her, but she quickly cleared her throat and her expression remained indifferent.

"My Lady, did you call for me?"

"Ahem. Yes I need you to carry our bags, you will be going with the other servants on a horse," Mirren pondered for a bit as Giovanna nodded and stared nervously, "You do know how to ride a horse, right?"

"Ah yes I do." Giovanna grinned from ear to ear realizing how much she'd been worrying about her servant and her struggles with riding. I didn't realize there was such a cute side to my lady. Giovanna chuckled as her heart warmed up, her usually cold lady had begun to care for others a bit more openly.

Mirren was confused by her reaction and cleared her throat as she turned, walking to regina and handing Giovanna her bags. Regina locked her arm around the marquess' and smiles as she lightly places her head on his shoulder. "Alright, then let us head out. We must move in haste so we are not late." Regina quickly lets go of her husband's arm and begins to push her children from behind, Mirren simply staring as she does so and shaking her head before following behind.

"Do not get left behind, Giovanna." Mirren keeps walking but takes a quick peek behind her shoulders as a small soft smile fades onto her face. Giovanna soon took notice of her staring and smiles back only for Mirren to glare back at her and keep walking at a faster pace.

Aww she's shy. Giovanna chirped as she took the heavy bags with her and trailed behind the butler and the Madam and Lord of the house. With each step she watched her lady that carefully and silently took a step forward, it reminded her of something her grandma had once said; "Fear the people who seem to have a light burden, for their footprints aren't seen on the sand. Those people leave no trace like dead people before they disappear without a trace." 

Giovanna stopped in her tracks, her gaze fixatedon the ground. What was she to do if what her grandma said is true? Her lady would eventually...

"Giovanna, Move in haste, we are about to be late," Mirren turns to glance at her, she gulps hesitantly and walks over to help with Giovanna's burdens. "Here I will give this to the butler, I need you to sit in the back seat of the carriage." There was a hint of care in her words but they quickly vanished as she looked away and put on a plastic smile on once more.

Mirren's long sky blue satin dress that faded into a dark purple dragged along the cement as they were already outside and set to go. All Mirren knew how to do was to keep going, there was nothing else to look back on. So why did she keep turning around to help?

It is all but foolery anyways. There is no point in pondering on about this, I just need to be more careful, I will set out later to get some errands done and in the meanwhile buy myself some canvas and paints. The moon was absolutely beautiful yesterday, I mustn't pass up this opportunity to test out new shades of blue and white. Mirren's eyes lit up, but her frown remained as she took her father's hand to get on the carriage and sat down.

"Alright, I need you three to behave today. There will be Santa Cena today, when you go back to your seats you must remained composed and well-mannered. Especially you David." Regina spoke harshly as she waved at the servant handling the horses, they began to set off, the road anything but bumpy ever since the treaty with a kingdom from the east accepted to create merchant routes and transport goods back and forth. Apparently one of the ministers had come here once to try a salsa that became widely known and scarce in the east, combined with many other spices the Minister was verily impressed and brought some over to the king in the east, which impressed him and decided to stop an almost war over something like spices.

Mirren had scoffed at the reaction of that king, but perhaps she was just as foolish as he. She looked out longingly at the outside world through a window quite often, it was her time to ponder and question the many things of life and the functions of high society. She wondered about a world where people would respect one another and love each other, where there was only peace for the soul and rest for the spirit.

"We have arrived, take your seats after your Mother, Children." Marquis de Clemente spoke softly, his appearance rather dashing for a man his age. He had that crinkle near his eyes when he smiled, just like Mirren, and always slicked back his hair in an attempt to have a cleaner look, though his beard always managed to ruin that. Mirren took her father's hand to get down the carriage and felt a rush of warmth envelop her the moment she walked through those large doors that seemed to protrude far more than the doors to her own manor.

"I do not want you sleeping inside, Mirrren de Clemente." She heard a harsh and cold tone from behind her and realized it was her mother who seemed to stare her down, her beautiful and long almond hair was neatly tied into a bun so tight you could see the shape of her scalp. Her mother had the habit of overdoing it sometimes, but who was Mirren to step in?

"I will try not to, mother."

"Do not try, DO."

Mirren began to slowly dissipate, she could not understand the feeling of wawnting to disappear but at the same time it's like she'd always known it. 

"Sorry..." He yelled, sweat ran down his somewhat child-like face, it reminded her of when they were children, they stared at each other ignoring the passerbys, until regina's chatter woke Mirren up from her daydream. The boy just looked away and nodded, "HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY TIE!" He replied as he quickly began to run past her, his scent mesmerizing her once again. She turned to look as he ran and realized his gaze had still remained on her, but why? Mirren felt frustrated and simply turned away and kept walking diligently inside the church, the large hallway simply decorated, there were no luxuries or gold plated walls. Just a common and simple church where she felt right at home.

Mirren felt herself at peace as she entered and softly smiled. The boy that greeted her earlier in the morning with a stare down soon after entered the church as well, walking past her, fixing his tie and his curls that cascaded against one another clumsily, and then stopped in his tracks. As he stood in his navy blue formal attire he slowly turned to look at her as if taking a peek, sating his own curiosity. 

Time stood still for a second as people walked past them, like there was something between them, interchangeable perhaps. Mirren broke out first and simply looked down to the floor averting his constant gaze on her, which he also then broke away from and began to chatter. "Mom! Are you not going to chastise him?! He brought this upon himself!! He took my tie!" He always seemed to yell like a child unlike the mature and calm Mirren.

The hallways were bustling with life as many brothers and sisters in christ chattered away about the food sale and their many concerns of work as they all gave each other advice and offered help. Mirren walked past them with a silent joy in her heart as she watched them converse. She thought it was humane. Imperfect yet beautiful. I should ask Mother if I can come earlier with Father next sunday. Mirren sighed with barely visible happiness.

Regina walked towards Mirren with a smile soon after, the world seemed to crumble within that small encounter with her. Her posture stiffened and then relaxed after she came to a realization, She cannot bear to ruin her reputation. She will not hurt me. Mirren thought as she replaced her stiff expression with a smiling one, She tapped her heels in anxiety and began, "Hello Mother,"

"Ren, where are your siblings?" Regina looked around, both left and right before deciding to turn her gaze to Mirren. "Ah..." Mirren glanced behind her and realized a child was holding onto her dress, clutching it with an almost visible anxiety. She could feel his fear like it was hers, it deepened by the second confusing Mirren. What had happened during the short span of time her Mother lost sight of him? Had she already tried to hit him while in the resting chambers?

Why...is he trembling like this? Mirren quickly adapted and replied with a smile, "Mother, perhaps he is hungry, can I take him to the dining hall? I will be sure to maintain his clothes clean." She held his trembling hands, patting them clumsily but with intention.

The boy she bumped into earlier stared at them, observing their behavior. His gaze focused on Mirren and the child, before finally deciding to step in like an actor on stage. "Ren you know-"

"Hermana Regina! It is such a pleasure to see you again! How have you been?"

"I have been doing well, Thank the Lord." She replied with a sweetness that almost seemed to sour one's mouth. Like the sweets with lemon inside that they sold at the stalls outside the kingdom's castle. He nodded quite enthusiastically at Regina and then at David who seemed phased by the boy's sudden appearance. The boy suddenly leans down near Mirren and face to face with David, "Hi David! It has been quite a while! I did not get to give you a sweet last week! Here!" The boy handed David a small wrapped mint with a small imprinting of a child laughing on the wrapper. Mirren smiles at David with an overwhelming joy radiating off her and turns to the boy, "Thank you."

"Thank you!" David grins from ear to ear revealing his chipped tooth.

Her gaze remained on him, her mind overworking to try and comprehend his strange behavior, he was rather predictable all the time. Mirren knew why he would do things and she knew him so well like a book that she'd read more than millions of times, he wasn't complex to understand, rather she was confused why he would help her out?

He quickly got back up and met her brown eyes that seemed fixated on him, brimming with curiosity. She was strange. She was as complex as all those scholarly articles that went on about mathematics being applied to construction of gadgets, similar to a book that seemed to have a title but no words, yet was as thick as an instruction manual. The more he observed her, the more confused he was. Perplexed even. Always carrying that expression of indifference and coldness that would slowly break those around her, yet everytime he looked her way there was a pull that made him curious. She always stood out, yes, perhaps that was it. Maybe it was her looks. She was beautiful, who would not fathom of standing by her side? Perhaps they were his earthly desires that drove him like this. That had to be it.

He cleared his throat and smiled at her brightly, "I will escort you to the dining hall since my brother has asked me for some pudding, Allow me." He scratched his hair rapidly, exchanging glances with Mirren and holding out his arm behind her back yet not touching a single strand of hair on her head. "We will be back Hermana Regina!"

They walked to the Dining Hall with not a word spoken to one or the other, David still clutched onto Mirren's dress with fear in his heart yet she comforted him by looking at him lovingly. This left the boy completely puzzled as he had never seen her look at anyone that way.

"Uhm...by the way, Do you know what you will get for David?" The boy starts, leaning in to get a good view of her exprsesion.

"Mhmm." 

"So? What will you get him?" he decides to pry further into the conversation, hoping for just a peep out of her mouth. Desperation truly breaks a person, but Curiosity kills them.

"Food."

"Yes, I know that you will get him food but what food?"

She continued to walk without answering his simple yet nosy question, he simply scoffed and walked at a faster pace to catch up to her. It began to smell of baked goods and salads mixed with rice, which only meant they were doing experiments with food once again. "I was just trying to help y'know..."

"I know."

"Well, I will go in with you two! I wanna give David something!"

Mirren stopped in her tracks and the boy's eyes widened in shock as he saw her rather cautious yet frowning expression, it seems that these days that is all he ever saw from her.

"Why?"

"Because I like him..?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"It is simply an answer what-"

"Isaac, I do not know what it is that you seek from us, but please keep a distance. Remember that the walls have eyes and ears." Mirren bluffed, attempting to get him as far away from her as possible. She did not remember when this dislike towards him began but it stirred her heart like thick batter does beneath a wooden spoon.

He simply stared at her for a while and scoffed at the angry brunette before him, he leaned on the wall as he watched her leave with David. There remained his feelings of self-hatred and hurting, there was something he wasn't seeing and he didn't know what it was. Why couldn't she just say it? She has a mouth and two ears for god's sake!

As Mirren fed her brother with a bright smile, Isaac stared at her curiously and became entranced with her smiling dimples that only he would get to see. Before he knew it he was also beginning to smile like a fool. She always seemed so distant, so indifferent about the world and its troubles, but this gesture made him realize how human she was. How silly...

A shadow loomed over him that let out a chuckle, "She is such a wonderful young lady, with a very bright future, do you not believe, son?"

Isaac quickly turned to the man beside him who had grey hairs slicked back and glasses that hung loosely from the bridge of his nose, he had an amusing expression as he stared between the two. "Sure, if she stops being so mean." Isaac scoffed, his eyes mesmerized and remaining on the smiling woman before him, smiling like her life was finally worth living for.

"Y'know son, Sometimes the things you think you know about the most, Are the things you know about the least," His grandfather told him as he stared knowingly, "Do not regret your words later then boy." He chuckled straightening his glasses, leaving Isaac alone in the hall filled with intricate paintings of a cross and its owner.

"I doubt I ever would. I have never been one to regret..." He trailed off as Mirren picked David up and spun him around in her long satin gown that twirled like night lilies. He would never regret anything. Not even the quickened beat of his heart and his staring at a star that simply refused to shine any brighter for anyone. He couldn't help but let out a chuckle, pushing back his hair, not knowing what to do with his hands that seemed lost.

"Never."

_____________________________________________

"A new command I give you:

Love one another.

As I have loved you,

so you must love one another"

John 13:34-35