It was bustling with pots and pans going around, smoke everywhere and the smell of delicious chicken and pasta, their hands were rough and calloused but when Mirren looked at them she was filled with wonder and admiration, for their hard work had been seen by a naive girl who would soon enter the world of adulthood. The women scurried from place to place with smiles on their faces despite the sweat and laughter from the silly mistakes they made, I wish I could be like that too...Mirren thought as she quickly took her brother by the hand and brought him inside where the rest of the people sat and prepared for the first prayer in the mornings.
To Mirren this place was full of comfort, she walked in and always felt a wave of relief, it washed over her in such a gentle manner she couldn't understand what type of magic this was or if it even was magic. She held her brother's hand gently, the walls seemed to vibrate in colors galore, her eyes could pick up even the smallest of pigments found in them, she could see life itself even in the lifeless. The events that were posted on the wooden board in the hallways with petitions for prayer and volunteers for work in smaller villages.
As much as she loved this place she could not stay forever, she would be considered a coward and have her reputation tarnished simply for running away and making a living for herself. Ellen was the only one who knew of her secret business, but it would prove difficult to keep her mouth shut if she maintained her at a distance, the only thing is to tell Giovanna this. Whether she could be trusted or not Mirren was not about to find out nor would she mention any of this. Though is it suspicious that Giovanna seems to always know my next move, she also seems eerily happy about doing my every will. I can only hope that she truly has no bad intentions but if she does I cannot hesitate. Mirren finally sat herself down along with her family inside, as she looked around her her gaze met her friend's gaze that seemed to call out her attention desperately, but from a distance she could feel her cousin's gaze burning holes through her head.
She cleared her throat, turning her eyes towards anything in front of her to avoid the burning gazes on her, but without realizing, she'd been staring at a pair of hazel eyes brimming with life. She blinked back in surprise and pretended to be staring at the person behind him, an old man with many stories of wisdom to tell children as bedtime stories and jokes that made even the usually serious Mirren laugh. Out of sheer embarassment she quickly turned to look elsewhere, I did not realize Isaac was sitting there. Mirren fumbled around with her fingers and then cleared her throat to wash away the embarassment, the old man realizes this and chuckled lightly, his wrinkles forming around his lips.
Isaac stared behind him, taking in all of Mirren's features, almost as if engraving them to memory, down to her wrinkles formed near her knitted eyebrows in frustration, she quickly turned to him and raised an eyebrow. He blinked back and waved at her as she just nodded back, he slowly lowered his hand and turned back to the front, staring at his hands and playing around with his fingers that intertwined with each other. That was embarassing. She is almost like a doll. He pondered as the old man behind him chuckled and began to walk to the front.
"Ren. Parate, ya llego el pastor," Regina told her as the Pastor had gotten up and cleared his throat, everyone had risen from their seats out of respect for both the Pastor and God himself. Mirren dusted her dress off calmly and put her hands on the seat in front, she put a smile on her face as everyone began greeting one another, "Buenas tardes Hermana! It is quite a pleasure to see you again! God bless you and your lovely family!" A lady with long dark hair that descended all the way to her knees grinned from ear to ear, brimming with life and joy. Mirren also extended her hand to greet her which also resulted in a bright smile from her, it was so wide that she could even see her eyes smiling. Why is she so happy? Mirren flushed as she pondered on about something so simple and humane, how could it be that she doesn't know?
Happiness is shown through a smile and laughter, She knows that but what else is there?
It feels like an empty feeling now. Something so vast and different, so far away from her that she doesn't comprehend its complexity and depth. If Happiness is so easy to attain why couldn't she feel it? Now that I think about it...What does Happiness feel like? Why am I acting like such a child.... I probably woke up on the wrong side of bed today. Mirren's small eyes gazed into nothingness for a while as she let go of the woman's hand and smiled, there was that fake doll-like smile that she presented to everyone. Sometimes Mirren truly felt like plastic, like her cheeks could rust out and turn ugly one day like those on little girl's doll's faces. It horrified her to the very bone, she would only need to try harder, by then no one would realize how imperfect she was.
But she desperately wanted somebody to see what she could see.
Perhaps it was too much to ask...
Mirren simply looked down and began to pray like she does every morning before the sermon starts, she remembered the silly prayers of her former younger self. She thought she was mature and wise and all-knowing but remembering those small silly moments with God made her chuckle to herself.
"Dear God, please make my hair as long as rapunzel's! And if you please pardon my rudeness I also ask that you please make my parents love me! I promise to love my parents- even though I already love them, I will dedicate myself to them and obey them AND I will also do good things! In Jesus' name Amen!" She would squeeze in, in wrinkled blankets that seemed to always curve around her body warmly keeping her snug on the small bed at midnight. She would look at the ceiling with high hopes and dreams of one day living happily ever after with her family. She squirmed like a normal child would underneath her blankets, filled to the brim with excitement for the next day. Hoping God would hear her and grant her wishes.
As Mirren remembered this short and pleasing memory she looked back up again, done with her prayers and turned to her family that still seemed to be praying. I pray that I have childlike faith someday and that I can love you the way you love me, Father. Mirren closed her eyes in high hopes of God hearing her voice, but now she was sure, He listens. Mirren slowly got back up and watched as people began to go towards the front, preparing their thin books with lyrics for worship music.
She didn't know what it was about this place, this church these people, but one thing she did know was that God was always here. She could not hear him when he called out to her due to her stubborness to live the way she wanted and go along with her own plans. Now this singing was music to her ears, it touched her very soul and made her feel like flowers were blooming in her heart, like a life had been regained for the one that was lost.
† "El cielo es tu trono, "The sky is your throne,
Las nubes son tu pintura, The clouds your painting,
yo tu gran creacion, I, your grand creation,
El mundo tu obra maestra, The world your masterpiece,
Alabado sea Dios~ Praised be God~
En tu presencia regocijare! In your presence I shall rejoice!
Amado es el verdadero Dios, Loved is the true and real God,
con canticos y pandero danzare~" † With hymns and tambourines I shall dance~"
The song began to make sense, her eyes had now seen the beautiful truth of the world, her ears began to hear what was said. Life had suddenly become simple and insignificant in comparison to the afterlife she was promised. How could she ever return to a life without Him?
Mirren's lips parted, unable to decide whether she is to sing or stare at the wonderous gifts God had given her people. Was there ever a time she felt at peace like this? Ever a time there was such warmth dancing inside her chest? Was there ever a time she ever wanted to dance in public as much as right now? She couldn't hesitate anymore, what more is there to say? Mirren smiled at the performance before her and began to sing, her voice being flooded by many others around her that sang the same song, a light began to shine on the choir as their voices rang like bells on a wedding day.
How can people not believe there is a God? It is akin to saying that a piece of bread was made but there is no baker to bake it. Is it hard to believe that there is actually someone out there who loves unconditionally and loves you? A God who has mercy on his people despite them wronging him and committing atrocities against him, one who was not attached to his crown nor his throne and descended upon his creations to clear their names and erase all blemishes, to be honest it does sound too good to be true. But would it not be better to have believed than to have never believed in lived in regret? Mirren clapped along with the other people within this grand room, not holding back her voice any longer.
I want to be here. Forever. Mirren wished, hoping for peace no longer in her home but rather in her heart. That she worry not, that she no longer has to be filled to the brim with anxiety for the next day and how it would play out. There was always longing in her heart and now it has vanished since someone grander than life itself became her object of affection.
As she immersed herself in the beautiful hymns the choir sang with all their hearts, she felt a stare, one that judged and ridiculed her with just their eyes. Mirren turned to see Flutura staring at her with a bright smile on her face, Mirren turned to her to give her a warm smile in return one that would only reflect her respect towards her. As the singing ended, Mirren sighed softly as she stared at the front stage where at the center these people would get together to sing praise, Does God care? A thought that caught her off guard as she pursed her lips and felt uneasy. She had her doubts, Mirren felt a tug at her heartstrings, one she could not understand.
"You may all sit down now," The Pastor spoke, he was older than most old wrinkly men who laid 6 feet under, usually they all rolled around their graves at 65, he seemed to have too much energy for someone of his age. Mirren quickly swept both her hands under her gown and ironed it out before deciding to take a seat. He had very intricate wrinkles, ones that made his whole face glow as he slowly walked to the front where there was a stand, thus his large tired hands slowly placed a water underneath a small shelf inside the stand and the bible on top.
"Buenos Dias brothers and sisters in christ, today our topic is "A king who serves his people," Now I am sure many of you know who I speak of do you not?" the man chuckled as he noticed all the head nods amongst the audience, he continued, "Some of you here come to learn I am sure, but many of you come because you want to seem good. You all fail to realize that no matter how much you may come to this place and try to learn, you will never be good. Good people do not lie, Good people do not gossip behind others backs nor steal what is not theirs, neither do they hurt those they do not like. I am not good, and I am the Pastor, what makes you think you are?" he asked, his eyes filled with sincerity and an unrelenting joy that danced in those old eyes of his that seem to have seen the whole world.
"If you turn to Luke chapter 18 verse 19 and Mark 10:18, Jesus replies with God being the only one who is good. Now you may question the title of today's topic, demanding an explanation, questioning why I dare say that king serves his subjects, but alas I tell you, Why is it hard for you all to imagine that an all powerful God such as himself, who has let us live tainted lives, would not come down from his throne out of love for his people to allow you to be cleansed and leave such an untainted state? Have you all never stopped to think that perhaps he lived on the earth to be human experiencing our pains and gave up his life on a cross, while still being afraid of death itself, in hopes that perhaps you would return that love someday? Hoping that perhaps you would look his way and desire out of your own free will to love him and get to know him on a deeper level rather than simply following his rules like a mindless fool?" Mirren looked up from her seat as she heard this man's words, she did not understand. Is following the rules not a way of showing her love to him..? What is it that she wanted from her?
Her eyes were fixated on the book before her as she read the words in her mind: "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone."
wait- perhaps is it because he becomes human that he says this..? Rather than referring to himself as only good he says that God is good...So is he God or not? Mirren squinted as she stared at these words, what on earth was she meant to think? This all began to sound mediocre. Dear Heavenly Father, now I must research this. I despise being lied to. Mirren pursed her lips as her face wrinkled with her frustrated expression. As she did this Isaac got up to take a break and let out a loud sigh that caught the attention of many listening to the pastor preach, everyone turned to him except a select few, including Mirren de Clemente.
Whenever he looked at her, he was reminded of a black cat, she always minded her own business in silence and rarely spoke if not spoken to. She was strange in his eyes but nevertheless he was not planning on getting involved, he simply began to walk stiffly to the doors that led outside until he noticed himself staring at her, her expression making her face all wrinkly and concerned, he was surprised. He was overcome with curiosity, what made her make that expression? Was it the sermon? Was it a fleeting memory of broccoli in her mind playing through on repeat? He rolled his eyes, perhaps he was thinking about this a little too much.
The old man that stood at the front let out a chuckle as he watched his grandson pay interest to the Clemente family's daughter. "Love is something that fills your heart and yet fails to let you go when you run from it." A voice that was heard between the silence he shared with someone who relished in its beauty brought him back as he kept walking nonchanantly to the doors that led to the resting room and he covered his mouth with his hands, trembling with confusion, anxiety and excitement flooding him entirely.
"For God's sake! I have spoken not a word!" He concluded as he gulped and headed what he was there for. He didn't understand the feeling, but he understood what it was. I do not even know her! I have only glimpsed at her from a distance for years, let alone spoken! No, no, no, no, no this CANNOT be happening. Perhaps it is just a temporary infatuation. Nothing more, nothing less. It was a mere coincidence Grandfather said that. He does not know the language well to begin with so perhaps he confused the words with hatred. He rambled on and on in his head as he walked back and forth, he finally slumped down on a comfortable linen arm chair and let out a heavy loud sigh, walking back out only to see that the sermon had ended, just as his internal rambling did.
Whereas Mirren remained focused on her thoughts as Flutura walked towards his cheerfully, there was a jump of joy in every one of her steps. Flutura who gazed at her beloved cousin gleefully smiled brightly as she began, "Ren! I was astonished when I saw you sing for the first time in a while today. Usually when I ask you refuse, fret not though! No one will know about your inexperience, especially since no one will pay you mind during worship!" Mirren turned to flutura to give her a bright smile, and nodded, "Right. Usually I would prefer a battle of the wits but you appear to be rather unarmed, Please do excuse me." Mirren politely bowed her head and headed towards the exit where her family awaited. Flutura stood there in silence, her mind pleading to understand her words only to further realize it was a snide remark. No. More of an underhanded insult, one she never dared to expect from her people-pleasing cousin who only sought out peace amongst them.
Her peers began to chuckle as they had heard their rather loud conversation and whispered, Flutura sighed and began to weep. "I was honestly just concerned...I am nothing but a fool..." Suddenly the ladies all began to look at each other and rushed over to her, "Lady Flutura, we understnad but please do not degrade yourself as such!"
She isn't who she wants to be, but somehow she's everything she wishes she were...or so she thought. She had once desired to have the life Flutura had. Her parents had looked at her adoringly with eyes full of affection and tender care, something her parents rarely ever did. When they did though, it would only be to ask something of her only to further rip her apart. Mirren quickly walked through the halls delicately yet aversively to maintain decorum and avoid speaking to anyone. As she rushed, she momentarily turned her head to see a fuming yet smiling Flutura who sobbed as she walked towards her, "Ren! Please I only want to apologize for my foolishness!"
Mirren quickly kept walking as if she had not heard her and clacked her heels harshly against the floor, there was no way she was only coming back for an apology. Just how stupid did she think she was? Mirren's eyes quickly turned and became fixated on what was in front of her, a dark navy blue sleeveless vest with a white polo undershirt and a pair of bright hazel eyes looked at her in bewilderment. She tried to quickly stop herself as she began to speed-walk only to have her heel stuck on a broken tile and trip before him.
Dear Lord! I hope no one looks at me- Mother will be furious! Mirren thought as she tried to quickly get her heel unstuck, everyone began to murmur amongst themselves and wore masks of worried faces. Then she felt a warm light over her body, "Lady Mirren, Please take my hand if it is of help." She heard a voice tremble as she looked up and her lips parted slightly in shock, it was a beautiful man with sun-kissed blonde hair, it seemed like tangible rays of light.
Yes.
This was the color that she wanted to paint the most, the color she could never get right when she tried to paint the sky. She could never perfectly capture its beauty and now she can.
"Lady Mirren?"
Mirren snapped out of it and took a hold of his hand that pulled her back up and held her steady as she stood, she could feel his hands overwhelm her own and even sweat. Sweat??? What-
"I will help you with the broken tile. Perhaps I can loosen it."
Mirren turned to look directly at his face that struggled to remove her heel from the tile and realized there were drops of literal sweat going down his face. She held in the urge to want to laugh in his face, he always seemed so confident and boisterous she could not fathom him seeming otherwise.
"Ren! Please be merciful unto me!" Flutura began to trip as she quickly tried to catch up to Mirren
"Alright I have managed to losen it..!-" Isaac was suddenly pulled by the hand by Mirren who seemed anxious in escaping from her cousin's venomous clutches. "There is no time." She replied sternly as she began to run, lifting her dress slightly as she turned to give him an insincere apologetic smile. She seemed to be having more fun rather than not.
He could see light brimming from herself, as if she became the embodiment of the sun itself, he could finally see why all the gentlemen lined up to even greet her in the mornings at the School even when she paid them no mind. Her beautiful brown eyes resembled brigtht little stars that he would be willing to pluck from the sky to make into a crown for her.
"Sorry Isaac! I know I warned you the walls have eyes and ears, I will take responsibility!"
"Yes, Please do. I am willing to be a part of your responsibility, till death comes to claim my weary tainted soul and God takes me in his embrace." He grinned from ear to ear as he realized that she perhaps didn't hear him, she kept running and running even past her parents and siblings who seemed to be in utter shock and disgust, but it would not make his vow any lesser.
"Hm? Did you...mention something?!"
From now on, I am yours.
______________________________________
Love must be sincere.
Hate what is evil;
cling to what is good.
Romans 12:9