I pushed away from my Grandfather's embrace, I couldn't stomach being so close to the unknown. It reminded me of that place... I never wanted to go back, never wanted to experience that again.
My Grandfather...
He didn't appear as the same kind and friendly man he had always been in the past. Now a much more weathered, crass and uncaring old man had taken his place. The type that could list off the deaths of children without a change in expression. One that could tell me he had failed me, caused me pain and look me in the eye, unapologetically. I didn't want to be thrown away, or cast aside...
But isn't this basically the same...?
It's the same as not even knowing my own family. That was a given for my Mother and Father, I had little to no memory of them. But that wasn't the case for Grandfather. He was a constant, like the North Star of the highest mountain in this world. A landmark that never moved. As sure as the Baron's Bloody Goblet would continue to exist, so would the man I called Grandfather.
Today, that facade had finally crumbled. The unmovable object, the landmark, the lighthouse that was my guiding force in life... had shifted, cracked and gone out. Without me even realizing.
I pushed off of trees wearily as I ran through the forest towards the Baron's wastelands. A land of decay and death, one that was obstructed by a great sea greenery. Our village sat atop a dam that hoped to block the red waves before they arrived, so the lands wouldn't be washed away by the red death.
I don't know why I wanted to see it...
Perhaps the dead, decaying lands might mirror my own insides. I just wanted something familiar. This place was too different...
I'm getting close, I can tell. The last bushel.
I rammed through the vegetation to reach the spot I would usually look down on the Baron's favourite sight. One I hated with every fiber of my being... I just needed to see something I was used to.
But...
Even this had changed.
Slowly, I glanced down towards the ground a sheer distance away. A red sea. But it didn't move... No waves to speak of. The fact that the sea, that deep dark abyss of red was unmoving, filled me with more fear than ever. It felt like something dangerous was lurking within...
"Yu."
"...Grandfather."
"..."
"W-What exactly is going on? Why are we so... high up? Why were the townspeople acting so strange? What is going on?! Nothing makes sense!" Why is everything different? Why did the world always leave me behind? It was only a month and a half... But the world might as well have shifted and turned upside down, that was how it felt.
"Tell me, Yu. What do you see when you look out from here?" The familiar clack of his cane punctuated his words. Compelling me to answer.
"What do I see...? It's the world."
"And, does that spark anything within you?"
"...Fear."
"..."
"And wonder." This world was scary, disgusting, horrible. But looking back on memories with Grandfather and that single vision of my parents. It was also boundlessly beautiful.
"Is that so? I suppose that's fine for now. Then my next question; what do you think cultivators exist in this world for?"
"...What's their purpose? Is that what you're asking me?""
"Yes."
"...I don't know."
"Think back to history."
"I don't know."
"What has every single cultivator done with their power?"
"I told you, I don't know!" He was so insistent... I don't like it. It's so different from how he used to gently guide me to an answer.
"Rule. That is the answer. Without exception. Every single notable cultivator tramples upon human lives to make their ideals into reality."
"..."
"To gain power one must eat. To gain those resources one must compete with others. To stay at the top one must make every other competitor subservient. That is how one rules. With an iron fist."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
"You are now a cultivator. This is the reality of the world, better to accept that fact sooner rather than later."
"...What about the Lotus King?"
"...Dead and buried, even his name no longer exists. He challenged the state of the world and lost. That's reality. That's the truth."
"What are you expecting of me...? Seriously, I barely even survived attunement. I don't even know if I managed to merge with the element properly... As far as I know, I've been dead this entire time! ...What the hell are you expecting from a failure like me?"
"What do I expect? You are my kin... I expect nothing less than excellence."
"You're asking too much..." It hurts.
"I ask not for what is possible or plausible, but what is necessary. You must become stronger. That is non negotiable."
"Why? To rule over others... To tread on them; for some goal I'm not even interested in? I don't understand, why do we all have to fight for that? This world is so lonely because of it..."
"YOU MUST!" His tone raised something fierce. I had never heard my Grandfather sound like that, not even once before in my life.
"Because... That is the only way I can hold my own promises. That is why."
"..." I wanted to ask... But I couldn't. I didn't have the strength to accept reality. I just wanted to return to that middling every day. Even if it was uneventful... No, precisely because it was so uneventful. I yearned for those days to return.
"Yu. I know my body. My time is coming short. Before then, I need to make sure that you can protect yourself. In this den of snakes you can only rely on your own abilities to survive."
Again...
Why does everyone I love decide to leave?
What do I have when Grandfather finally leaves me behind?
Was there even a point in carrying on?
Memories and the feelings that accompanied those visions. That was what anchored me to the physical plane. I couldn't have survived in that cave without them... Was that the essence of the human condition? We relied on the love from those that have passed to get through the present. If I always have to rely on that, if I must experience the heartbreak of losing everyone around me to continue living this useless existence...
I'd rather just end it now.
I looked down once more...
The unmoving sea of red glass far below peered into my heart. As if it were swallowing me whole.