"...Grandfather has something changed? The village seems strange, something's off." I didn't want to direct my questioning to his behaviour itself, for some reason even asking felt like taboo, a topic that shouldn't be breached without consequences. The world, my world which should be constant. Seemed to have changed and become alien in but a few rotations.
"That... Well, we'll come to that soon enough. Would you like to hear about your fellow students?" He continued as we walked, slowly, ever so slowly out of the town proper and into the surround woodlands. My Grandfather presented his arm with the cane held, we both resorted to using it as a crutch.
Again...
His balance was fine, he was clearly presenting it more for my own use... That's fine and somewhat expected. My Grandfather had always been like this... But if my presence caused him even more troubles, I wouldn't like that.
The memory of his cold voice echoed in my mind.
Stop thinking about it. Just a simple misunderstanding, that's all it'll be. He was probably just protecting me, especially whilst I'm in such a frail state. If any passersby had chosen to target us, well we could do very little to retaliate.
Heaving a sigh, I'm reminded of the current surroundings.
Strange... The temperature, the look, the feel. Even the smell. Everything is different after I've awakened. Am I misattributing all of them, a simple problem with memory? Is that how much damage those three days were to me? To affect me so much that I cannot even remember the world around me... Cultivating in that case can be no more than a sin.
"I guess." I wasn't close with any of them. I could guess Yana and Chen probably attuned in record time and began their formal training a long time ago. The others were probably all close behind, I was usually the slowest when it came to things like this. That meant I was likely the last to join the class again after attuning.
"Yana finished her attunement eagerly. She's been attending training ever since. Four others have joined the ranks at different times and are undergoing their own training as we speak. Soon enough you'll do the same." That's... five total? That would make me sixth out of the lot of them... Is it alright to feel good about that? This was the first time I had better results than dead last. Even if this wasn't something other people felt proud of, I couldn't help embracing this warm fuzzy feeling inside.
The only issue is... what about Chen? Did he take longer and need to recuperate to an even greater extent than me?
...That didn't sound like him.
"I should've expected that of Yana." Even amongst the earlier years she's been touted as one of the greatest seeds the academy has tutored in generations.
I could only ask, I suppose... "I suppose Chen is the same, that'd sound about right..." I needed to hear that these facets of my life were constant. We weren't close outside of training, us students were brought together by circumstance rather than any inherent interest in each other. Still, with this I felt a sense of closeness that I hadn't perceived earlier. If they experienced that same inexplicable suffering, perhaps we could become closer and stronger because of it. That was my hope...
"Chen died, along with three other students." My Grandfather said it curtly, as if he were talking about the weather.
"...Eh?"
...What?
"Two didn't even attune. They all died during the recovery period. It seems their willpower wasn't strong enough to survive. A tragedy to be sure. We held their memorials a few weeks ago." B- But that isn't even possible! I'm the weakest out of all of them, if I'm still here... How couldn't they be the same?
"T- That's impossible! Just the other day I was..." In class with them, in that elemental hall...
"It's been a month in that bed... And two weeks in the cave. Yana and those other kids, they... Not really the time for that, I guess..."
"No, even then..."
"..."
"...Wait."
"..."
"What did you... just say, Grandfather?"
Please...
Don't say it's true...
I needed to hear those words.
For it to be proven once and for all...
But, I'm frightened...
Because, this man... He doesn't look like my Grandfather at all. He was never this... cold.
"Two weeks had passed whilst you were attuning. That's the reason your recovery period had taken this long. But that's all fine, you're slowly building your strength back up. Yu, soon you'll be a proper cultivator."
My world stopped.
Two weeks.
In that cave?
But...
Didn't you promise? What happened to three days? Did you really betray me, did you leave me in that cave hoping I would die only to be disappointed I survived? Forced to aid me in the recovery phase?
My vision was swimming. I couldn't prevent my voice from raising, the effort strained my throat. A scratchy, whimpering tone was all that I could muster.
"W-Why? You said that you'd be there. You promised... 'I'll be back in three days'; that's what you said, isn't it? ISN'T IT?! Why was I left in that place all alone? For so long..."
"Because I willed it. You can hate me. That's entirely fair, I failed you as a guardian." Again, that cold voice... I don't care if it's all a lie. Just tell me it isn't true, even if it means lying to my face... I'd still accept it.
"..."
"I could've moved that boulder at any time... but I didn't. That's an unavoidable reality of the world. The truth is... even if the result was that it hurt you; I'd make the same choice again."
"...Was I useless? Is this why I'm being punished? I promise I'll be better, I'll change. Just don't get rid of me... please..."
"This isn't punishment."
"...How can this be anything but that? Do you know how long I starved in there? Do you know how lonely I was? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAD THOUGHT I WAS ALREADY DEAD?! WELL, DO YOU?!"
"Yu. This is nothing more than the reality of cultivation."
"I-... I didn't ask for this."
"You don't have to. All the same you'll do it. Because you have what it takes to change this world."
Change this world? Even if I did...
Does this world even deserve it? The same one that deprived me of my family, the same world that warped my Grandfather into this wicked monster. The same world that reaps lives like its the next harvest season... A voice was whispering in my ear; let it burn to the ground and implode.