A young disciple stood there, eyes wide. "ELDER FENG?! SOMEONE'S KIDNAPPING....."
Before he could finish, Yue grabbed the cloth bag and flung it over his head. I blinked.
Yue turned to me. "See? This is why we needed the bag."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I hate that you're right." I Regret Everything...
We ran. Elder Feng was slung over my shoulder like a sack of rice. Yue had the muffled, flailing disciple in her bag.
"Why did you take him too?!" I hissed.
She shrugged. "He saw too much."
I groaned. "This is how missions turn into disasters!"
Yue just cackled. "Only if we get caught." And, right on cue... BOOM! The sky lit up with golden sigils.
"INTRUDERS! INTRUDERS IN THE SECT!" I shot Yue a look.
She grinned sheepishly. "Oops."
I took a deep breath. "Okay. We're still fine. We just need to..." WHOOSH!
A very angry elder landed in front of us. His eyes glowed with righteous fury. "WHO DARES...."
Before he could finish, Yue threw the bagged disciple at him. The elder caught the squirming bag in reflex. "Wha...."
Yue grabbed my arm. "RUN." And so, we ran. Behind us, the elder screamed in confusion. I really regretted my life choices.
I Kidnapped an Elder and All I Got Was This Bad Life Decision
We sprinted through the sect like lunatics, Elder Feng still slung over my shoulder like a sack of spirit stones. Behind us, the righteous sect elders were in complete chaos.
"Intruders! Seal the gates!" someone shouted.
I groaned. "Why do they always seal the gates? We're already inside! What good does that do?"
Yue laughed beside me. "Maybe they think we'll just give up if we can't leave?"
I shot her a glare. "You are enjoying this way too much."
"Of course! You're suffering, and that's my favorite thing to watch." I didn't have time to argue, because three golden-robed elders suddenly landed in front of us, their spiritual pressure slamming into me like a mountain.
"In the name of the Radiant Cloud Sect," one of them barked, "release Elder Feng, and surrender yourselves!"
I considered my options.
1. Fight them. (Horrible idea.)
2. Surrender. (Worse idea.)
3. Pretend to be a lost disciple looking for the bathroom. (Tempting, but no.)
4. Absolute nonsense.
I glanced at Yue. She already had that manic glint in her eyes. Yep. Absolute nonsense it is.
I cleared my throat and shouted, "WE'RE FROM THE HEAVENLY COURT! THIS MAN IS A TRAITOR! STEP ASIDE!" The elders hesitated.
Yue immediately pointed at Elder Feng, who was still unconscious. "See? He sold secret techniques to demon cultivators! We're taking him for judgment!"
The elders blinked. One of them looked at Elder Feng.
"…Elder Feng… did betray us?"
Another elder hesitated. "I always knew he was suspicious…" Yue and I shared a glance.
I whispered, "Did that actually just work?"
"Shut up, and keep walking," Yue whispered back. We took one step forward.
Then.... "WAIT A MINUTE!" a voice shouted.
A new elder landed in front of us, furious. "That's nonsense! I saw these two sneaking in earlier! They're demon cultivators!" The sect elders immediately switched gears.
"DEMON CULTIVATORS?!"
Yue sighed. "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
I cursed. "Plan B?"
"Plan B." We threw Elder Feng at them and ran.
I Didn't Want to Fly, But Here We Are
The entire sect was in an uproar now. Spiritual lights filled the sky. Alarm bells rang. Disciples and elders chased after us like a horde of angry chickens.
I gasped for breath as we sprinted toward the sect walls. "This… is… the worst idea… I've ever had."
"Oh, come on, you've definitely had worse," Yue said cheerfully.
"I was trying to be dramatic," I snapped. Ahead of us, a formation barrier shimmered over the sect's outer walls.
"We can't get through that!" I shouted.
Yue smirked. "Sure we can." Before I could stop her, she grabbed me by the waist.
I had just enough time to scream "WAIT, WAIT, WAIT..." before she leapt straight into the sky. The wind howled past my ears. The ground became a distant memory.
I clutched Yue's robes in pure terror. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WARN ME BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING INSANE!"
Yue laughed. "Where's the fun in that?"
We soared over the barrier...just as dozens of elders unleashed their spiritual techniques at us.
"Oh," Yue said. "That might be a problem."
I looked down. Swords, fire, and a literal lightning dragon were coming right at us.
I sighed. "I hate my life." Then everything exploded.
I Became a Meteor and I Don't Like It
The explosion sent us hurtling through the sky like a pair of useless ragdolls.
I flailed wildly. "I BLAME YOU FOR THIS, YUE!"
"FAIR, BUT SCREAM LATER...SURVIVE FIRST!" she yelled back. We crashed through two treetops, a small mountain, and what I think was someone's backyard.
I finally hit the ground face-first, my impact forming a crater. Dust and debris rained down around me.
I lay there for a long moment. Contemplating my choices. Then a familiar voice spoke.
"…You alive?"
I groaned. "Physically? Yes. Emotionally? No." Yue landed gracefully beside me, barely ruffled. Of course she looked fine.
I pulled myself up from the dirt, coughing up a leaf. "Where… where are we?"
She tilted her head. "About five miles away from the Radiant Cloud Sect."
"That's it?!" I snapped. "With the amount of suffering I just endured, I thought we'd be in the next province."
Yue shrugged. "You're dramatic."
I glared at her, brushing dirt off my robes. "And you're..." Before I could finish, I sensed multiple powerful auras approaching fast.
My brain screamed, "BAD. BAD. VERY BAD."
I turned to Yue. "We are NOT done discussing this, but right now...RUN
Hiding in a Demon Brothel is Not What I Expected
We sprinted through the forest, dodging trees and boulders like our lives depended on it...because they did. The Radiant Cloud Sect elders were relentless. They weren't letting us escape without a fight.
I saw a faint glow in the distance..a city. "We can lose them there!" I gasped.
Yue smirked. "Oh, I like where this is going." I didn't like that tone, but I had zero time to argue.
As we reached the city gates, I threw on a hooded cloak. Yue did the same. We slipped into the crowded streets, pushing through merchants, travelers, and rogue cultivators.
The sect elders wouldn't cause a scene in public. ....Or so I hoped.....