I don't have any intentions to destroy my family. I don't have any intentions to humiliate them in front of people especially to our relatives. I don't really have intentions because I was just being.. me. I didn't know being me can destroy the image of my family? I didn't know that their point of views are way different compared to other family I've known? I didn't know that it was already wrong to become who I just want to be? What I want is to become the real.. me. Who's not pretending and who's not hiding.
I didn't know that it was already a sin to be the real me. It was really hard to understand them knowing we are already in the futuristic century. But looks like their minds were still stuck in the past histories that being a gay person is a sin. A curse. Black sheep. Hindrance.
"I told you not to show up yourself moving like a gay shit, Rico! It was a huge gathering for the Jimenez family but you just showed up being so soft?" My mother reprimanded me while I, bowing my head and preventing her angry eyes. This is not new to me. "Can you just be normal, huh?" She screamed out of her lungs while we are here inside her room. No one can hear us here because her room is soundproof so everything she will say to me, no one can hear.
"I-I wasn't being soft, Mom. I was just walking and greeting our relatives." I almost whispered but I stiffened when she suddenly slap my shoulder with such strength.
"Don't talk back! I don't need you words! What I need is you to be disciplined! Fix yourself! Don't be an abnormal to our family, Rico! It's disgusting! You must be thankful that your father is busy! For sure, if he find this out, he'll slap you hard on your face!" She shouted and that was the last hurtful words she uttered before leaving me pained. My tears fell while my heart is hurting. I didn't notice that I am already sobbing because of what transpired.
I don't know when this happened but when I am starting to show my true self, when I am starting to accept the real me, they distant themselves. It's like they were all disgusting when I move so soft. It's like I am a dust that they need to clean and throw in a trash.
I went out the room and then walked down the stairs again to see what's going on. I saw my parents happily having a conversation with my aunties and uncles and I saw my older brother laughing with my cousins in my father side. They were so happy, their eyes are sparkling and greeting each other nonstop like I was just invisible and not belong. Our maids are busy with the food, other stuffs from catering services are looking at me especially those men with malicious look. I want to reprimand them for staring at me like that but I don't want to make a scene. It would worst my situation.
I sighed and decided to go to restroom here in the living room. I didn't know why my parents decided to volunteer that their reunion should be here. Mostly, they are renting resorts or a restaurant for the event.
I stared at my reflection at the mirror and all I can see is my eyes that are starting to swell. The redness of my eyes are really visible and I can't help not to tear because of my mother's knife-like words... stabbing me multiple times for humiliating them. Like it wasn't my intention to embarrass them. I was just being.. me.
I am five-nine tall, no hard muscles like my brother's, with natural black hair and sky blue eyes. I got it from my mother who's pure american while my father is a half american, half filipino. My skin is white and I also have freckles on my cheeks that I also got from my mother. I am not overweight, I am not so thin as well, it's just a standard body of a twink person who doesn't love gyms.
I am already in my twenty-fourth but I feel like I was still manipulated by my parents. Well they have the right to because they were the one who raised me. Because of their money, they can manipulate having no difficulties... they became so wealthy because of their skills when it comes to businesses and lot of tycoon people already know them. In the business world, I think they are already in top ten who's popular by name and money. It's good.. for them.
But I chose not to work under our company it is not because they don't want me to, but it is because I don't like the employees there who treated me like I am higher than them. Well, yes, technically but I don't want them to treat me like I am a sort of a prince that they needed to bow their heads when I am walking right in their faces or when I am arriving.
"I am starting to hate this life," I whispered and sighed so deeply. I stopped when I heard the loud music starting to boom inside the living room so I guess the real party is happening. But I don't have the mood to interact with them because I know I will be judged by many if they saw me moving so soft. I don't even know that I am moving so soft! I don't have any idea that I am already showing my true self!
I decided to walked away from the house, went in my car and then I started the engine. The huge gate automatically opened and that's the signal for me to drive. I maneuvered the car carefully to avoid accident because I know to myself that I am already tipsy.
"Why would I stay there if I'll just pretend in front of them? That I am a damn straight guy?"