The next thing I knew I was standing in a white void that seemed to be infinite in all directions. Before me stood a freakishly tall woman. She wore a long, pure white, priestess dress. A sword stuck out from the white sash tied around her waist.
Her sleek black hair hung well past her knees. Her bangs were parted into two tails that were wrapped with white ribbons. Her breasts were fairly large, but not outrageously so, which was good, because at this point I had enough outrage!
The faint glow emanating from her body, combined with her holier than thou expression, confirmed that I was dealing with an angel. The sworn enemies of all demon kind. She placed her hands on her hips, and looked down on me with a smug smile
"Hey there, 'Lord' Mozu I presume?" Her arrogance was immediately infuriating. This situation called for the official Demon Lord Bow Before Be Voice.
"How dare thee interrupt mine Ho time! Whom doth thou think thou art?!
"The names Jezerbel. I'm one of the guardian angels of Earth, and you're my prisoner, so you better watch what you do." Hmmmm she seems to be resisting the voice, a threat ought to do the trick.
"What insolence! I shall causeth thee to explodeth, and then thou shalt explodeth twain!"
Jezerbel's smug smile grew wider.
"Good luck with that. I turned your magic off."
"Ha! Thou shalt - wait, say what?"
"I said. Magic. Broke."
That can't possibly be true can it? Keep using the voice, its never failed!
"What doth thou stand to gain from this foolery, other than an early death!?"
"Good question. Heaven Realm has decided to run a little experiment to see if a demon can be reformed, and you're our first candidate, congratulations.
"Reformed?"
"It's when someone who's bad becomes good."
"What is this good of which thou speaketh?"
"It's when you do something nice without expecting anything in return."
"What?! That's a thing? People actually do that?"
"Ptttttt yes it's a thing Mozu. In fact it's normally the rule, not the exception."
"Gah! And why am I a 'candidate'" She shrugged.
"If we can reform a Demon Lord we can reform anyone. Also we know you're planning on invading earth Mozu. Did you think we wouldn't be watching someone with a Demon Gate?"
"Gah! I'm not going to go along with your lil' experiment. I don't care how powerful or how freakishly tall you are!"
She involuntarily snickered.
"What's so funny?"
"You! I'm not tall, you're short!" A mirror appeared in front of me. Before my eyes was a fuzzy creature with big ears and a bobbly snout. "I turned you into a rabbit!"
"You turned me into food! Why!"
"I can't have a Demon Lord running around earth so I transformed you into a harmless little bunny." I couldn't believe it. My beautiful horns. My tail! Gone. I called my magic. It fizzled. This is bad.
"I'm not gonna be a stupid rabbit!"
"Tough cookies! You're a bunny now. You'll be great at jumping, but you'll have brittle bones. You'll love being held, but you'll fear being off the ground, and just about everything can kill you!"
"!"
"But best of all is that the only thing you'll be able to eat is plants."
"You just said plants, but you mean meat right?"
"No I mean plants, as in grass n' weeds."
"What! I'm not eating grass!"
"Too bad. Not only can you only eat plants, the vast majority will be inedible or poisonous!" A scroll a mile long appeared before me with a list of all the plants I can't eat. "Better read up. If you eat the wrong thing you'll die!" I started scanning the list, but it almost immediately vaporized. "It's nothing but plants and water for you."
"Wait, no alcohol!? How do you live without alcohol!?"
"Yep, just water."
"Can't I have water with alcohol in it?"
"Whhh-No! That's the same thing as alcohol. You can't drink Mozu. Your liver is the size of an acorn."
This is bad! This is bad! Wait, i've survived a lot worse. I only have to live as a bunny until I figure out how to activate my magic.
"Okay I accept your challenge. I'll be a rabbit. Speeding through the woods, kicking predators ass with-"
"Oh I didn't say you'd be a wild bunny. You're gonna be a house bun."
"A house what now?"
"A house bun, as in a pet."
"W-w-w-what! The great Mozu will not be reduced to a pet!"
"I believe I said tough cookies." A display appeared depicting a teenage girl as well as some information. "Meet Kitsune Hitori. Age 16. Occupation: High school student. Hobby: Thinking about bunnies. Blood Type: Emotional wreck. You're looking at the loneliest human girl in all of the Earth nation of Japan, and from now on it will be your job to keep her happy."
"I'm not gonna baby sit some girl."
"Pfffffttttttt. You're the one who's gonna be baby sat. You're gonna be fed on a high chair, and pushed around in a stroller like, a, baby."
"Noooo! Mozu is not a baby!"
"Get used to it, Hitori is bursting with love for bunnies, and she's going to dump all that pent up love on you."
The insolence was too much. My heart bubbled over with rage.
"You think I will allow myself such humiliation!? I will find a way to destroy you for I am Mozufuntoroshinzafako, Demon Lord of House Anus!" Jezerbel was struck dumb by my almighty display of authority. She began to tremble, finally breaking out into uncontrollable laughter. Wait, that's not right! "What in the nine hells is so funny?
"Ha ha ha ha that name!"
"My name, or the name of my realm?"
"Both! What kinda name is House Anus!"
"Why are you saying it like that? It's pronounced Ah-noose."
"Ha ha ha surrrrre! And what was your long ass name again?"
"Mozufunt-"
"Yeah ain't nobody got time for that."
"Gah! You will learn to fear the sound of my name soon enough!"
"Surrre. Whatever you say." Jezerbel casually flipped through her hair and I swear I saw a faint glimpse of magic.
"What did you just do. . ."
"Oh nothing a guy with a stupid name has to worry about." Gah! I'm gonna strangle her to death with her own bang tails! "Ohhhh now would be a good time to tell you I can read your mind."
"!"
"Face it, I own you now. The only way out is to pass the test."
"Fine, I'm listening." A Black box with white characters appeared.
"This is your karma meter. It keeps track of everything you do and awards you karma points. Your current total is negative 274,069."
"Heh Heh sixty-nine."
"Pay attention! Every time you do something good it will go up, when you do something bad it will go down. For instance let's say that every time you slapped one of your hoes that's minus one thousand points."
"Well that math doesn't add up. I've slapped my hoes far more than 274 times."
"Ugh, it's just an example. I don't care how you got to this point. What matters is what you do from now on. If you can get the total into the positives, even by just one point, I break the curse and you go back to being your demon lordy self, but if you reach negative one million, you fail-" Jezerbel leaned forward, looking far more menacing than any supposed goody-goody has any right too. "-and I turn you into a frog."
I stared back at her blankly
"That's terrible."
"Hah hah I know! It took me a while to-"
"No, I mean terrible as in stupid. Transforming me from one hop based creature into another hop based creature isn't much of a punishment."
"Oh, I forgot to mention you'll be a flattened frog."
"A flattened fr-"
"Yes, a flattened frog. I'll turn you into an immortal frog and place you on Japan's busiest highway, where you'll immediately get squished! You'll be run over day in and day out, getting falter and falter and drier and drier. Until one day you'll be paved over by searing hot tar and have to endure the sensation of being buried alive for, all, time."
"Th-th-that's horrid!"
"Ha! I'm glad you finally understand your situation. Let's go over the rules. I turned your magic off, but just by some miracle you get it back I also made it impossible to use magic on animals, Hitori, or children."
"Wait, without my magic how am I supposed to gain karma?"
"Gee I don't know Mozu, you could try being a sweet innocent bunny. Anyway, no running away. If you break Hitori's heart I'll murder you. Speaking of violent death, I'd try not to die, because if you do while you're karma is like this you'll go to hell, and I'm not talking the hell hole you can the Demon Realm, I'm talking actual fire and brimstone, pitch fork up the butt, HELL. Well I think that's it. Time to go to Earth. I'll be keeping tabs on you with this."
Jezerbel held up an rectangular object.
"No, it can't be!
"Yes!"
"It's a baby monitor!"
"That's right! Although one that can see across space and time."
I looked behind me. That tear in reality was back. A tendril of energy grabbed me.
"You're not gonna get away with this!"
"Whatever. Oh and one more thing. If you EVER-"