I squatted on the mast observation deck of the Santa Maria, watching Columbus aim his sun-protective compass at the sun, and his golden-edged captain's uniform was smeared with sun-protective fingerprints.
"Northwest by North!"
He shouted at the nautical chart covered with fluorescent lipstick, "There are indigenous people with gold facial masks over there!"
The sailors are shaving their faces with sunscreen as shaving cream, and their faces are red, swollen and blisters.
The system hamster screamed in my ear:
A historical deviation value of 300% has been detected! Please immediately:
1. Teach Indigenous people to use sunscreen correctly (0/1)
2. Retrieve Napoleon's Scattered Mutant Apples (0/3)
3. Do anti-rust nail art for the ship anchor (Urgent!) "
Suddenly, the lookout let out a distorted scream:
"Land!" Luminous land!
On the horizon, the entire beach was emitting a strange blue light - sunscreen was leaking from the parts of Napoleon's guillotine, polluting the Caribbean coast.
"Prepare glass beads and sunscreen!"
Columbus took out a telescope studded with rhinestones and said, "Exchange these for gold with savages..."
Before he could finish speaking, a feather arrow flew past the sunscreen bottle beside his ear, with a sunscreen pad decorated at the tail.
Twenty canoes braved the waves. The indigenous priests had crocodile oil sunscreen paint on their faces and parrot feathers on their heads filled with sunscreen tubes. They held up megaphones made of turtle shells and shouted in Taino, a language mixed with Spanish:
"Hand over SPF50+! Otherwise, release sun-protective zombies!"
"The host triggers cross-cultural negotiations!"
The hamster system popped up a diplomatic manual, "It is suggested to exchange protein powder for sun protection knowledge."
I threw Hercules' dumbbell as a greeting gift. As soon as the warrior on the canoe caught it, his biceps swelled and burst through the painting. The priest suddenly knelt down.
"Divine ironware!" It can make us more fit and healthy than the Spaniards!
The negotiating table was laid on the parts of Napoleon's guillotine, and Columbus wrote the agreement with sunscreen lipstick:
A barrel of sunscreen is exchanged for ten pounds of gold...
The priest, however, took out the core of the sun-protective apple:
"We are going to plant ageless fruits!"
Suddenly, mutant apple trees emerged from the sandy beach, and sunscreen and sea salt gave birth to fluorescent coconuts. The indigenous girls screamed as they collected coconut juice to apply to their faces, and their skin began to glow with a pearly luster.
Napoleon's mechanical arm stretched out from behind the tree: "The foundation of the beautiful New World..."
"Be careful of his sunscreen guillotine!"
Leonardo Da Vinci piloted an improved aircraft and dived, sprinkling Egyptian scarab paint.
The blade of the guillotine suddenly softened, and the sunscreen lubricant turned into honey and stuck to Napoleon's boots.
The philosophy cat leaps onto the agreement scroll, and its paw prints form the new terms:
The indigenous people have the patent for sun protection, and Columbus has to pay the beauty tax.
The system suddenly activated the "Spice Beauty Technique", mixing sunscreen with chili powder to form a bronze contouring cream. In an instant, the sailors turned into fitness savages.
"Deal!" Columbus used guillotine parts as seals and pressed his blood handprint on the agreement.
The priests danced the sun-protective sacrificial dance, the guillotine was modified into a mask distiller, and the mechanical arm of Polon was stuck in a coconut shell to emit an electronic wail.
At the bonfire dinner that night, an indigenous girl put sun protection makeup on Columbus, and his mustache was braided with an SPF index. I was gnawing on a fluorescent coconut, watching the philosophical cat write a new prophecy on the beach:
When gold turns to a pink base color, the New World will be plunged into a beautiful civil war...
Suddenly, the Caribbean Sea was flooded with colorful oil stains - Hercules' protein powder contaminated the coral reefs.
The mermaid emerged from the sea, her long hair dyed blue with sunscreen, and sang a sun protection requim to tempt sailors.
"Task upgrade!"
The hamster system was blown up into a lifebuoy. "The purifying agent was made with Da Vinci aircraft + sun-protective apple core + mermaid tears!"
When Columbus collected mermaid tears with a golden mask bowl, Napoleon broke free from the coconut shell and stole half of a mutated apple tree.
"Paris needs eternal fruity fragrance!"
His guillotine design was blown away by the wind, with a new design of a sunscreen perfume nozzle added on it.
The tail of the philosophical cat swept across the starry sky, and the Milky Way emerged with new Rune characters:
When the guillotine blossoms with roses, freedom will be born in sunscreen... At this moment in the Royal Palace of Madrid, Queen Isabella is worrying about the sun protection map:
Why do Indian spices smell like sunscreen lotion?
Queen Isabella's golden nails streaked across the nautical chart, and the strange scent of sunscreen lotion made the cardinal sneeze repeatedly.
"Your Majesty," Columbus presented the sun-protective coconut as a treasure, "This is the sacred fruit that can keep you young forever, a hundred times more precious than spices!"
Suddenly, the colorful Windows of the palace shattered, and sun-protective zombies descended from the sky - precisely the mutated monks being hunted down by the Inquisition.
They were all glowing with a strange blue light, and the crevices of their nails were embedded with parchment from "The Ten Commandments of Sun Protection".
"SPF is justice!"
"Heresy!"
The presiding judge, Tokma, waved the gilded cross, but was instead corroded by the sun-protective saliva of the zombies.
I took the opportunity to throw out the sun mask designed by Leonardo Da Vinci:
"Sir, this is a new type of exorcist!"
The masks refracted the totem of the Egyptian scarab beetle in the sunlight, and the zombies suddenly knelt down to recite the calculus formula. The system hamster pops up prompt:
"Sunscreen activates the mathematical potential of medieval monks - Host, preach with geometry quickly!"
Listen up!
I jumped onto the throne and drew a cube in the air with sunscreen." The kingdom of God exists in the multi-dimensional sun protection space..."
The zombies were frantically copying formulas, and the chief judge's iron virgin torture device was modified into a sunscreen distiller.
The philosophical cat leapt onto the Queen's shoulder, its tail sweeping across the golden map. The Caribbean coastline was suddenly reorganized into an SPF index map, and the floor tiles of the Royal Palace in Madrid revealed Luhn's prophecy:
"When the rose kisses the guillotine, Newton will bleed under the apple tree..."
Suddenly, a strange pink light appeared in the sky in the direction of Paris. Napoleon's sun-protective guillotine has officially started operation, and nobles are queuing up to experience the "decapitated without removing makeup" service.
In the basket of the guillotine, the fallen head still wore exquisite lip gloss.
"The host triggers a chain mission!"
The hamster system is flashing with garbled characters. "Please also:"
Prevent Newton from being killed by a sun-protective apple (0/1)
2. Install a sun protection flight recorder for Leonardo Da Vinci (0/1)
3. Recall Poseidon's Trident Sunscreen (Urgent!) "
Suddenly, a hundred-meter-high wave rose on the sea surface, and Poseidon's trident carried the entire Santa Maria.
"Mortal!" Who allowed you to pollute my sea area with sunscreen?
His blue beard was dripping with sunscreen, and most of the scales on his dolphin mount had fallen off.
I took out Hercules' dumbbells as bait: "This can strengthen the biceps..."
Before the words could be finished, Poseidon's muscles swelled and burst the coral armor. The out-of-control trident fired sun-protective water cannons, and the Royal Palace of Madrid instantly turned into a water park.
"Use Newton's laws quickly!"
Leonardo Da Vinci threw the manuscript with an apple core. I calculated the parabola against the waves and precisely dropped the sunscreen coconut into the crevices of the trident.
Poseidon trembled like an electric shock, and the huge waves turned into a fine drizzle of sunscreen spray.
"This touch..."
The sea God stroked his electrostatically charged beard, "Smoother than Amphitrite's hair!" He suddenly turned the trident around and charged towards Paris.
"I'm going to give the guillotine a sea salt sun protection SPA!"
The philosophical Cat seized the opportunity to carve a new prophecy at the crest of the waves:
When the trident meets the guillotine, freedom will be reborn wearing a sun-protective crown...
Napoleon's mechanical arm suddenly broke through the waves and stole the sample of the sun protection coating of the trident.
That night, the underground wine cellar in Madrid. Columbus cured ham with sunscreen, and Leonardo Da Vinci modified religious torture devices into beauty equipment.
The system suddenly issued an alarm: "Poseidon is holding a sun protection surfing competition in the Strait of Gibraltar, causing abnormal tides!"
I chewed the glowing sun-protective olive and watched the philosophical cat reassemble the star map with its tail.
The Orion belt in the galaxy shows sun protection factor, while Newton's apple tree is emitting dangerous blue light on the Cambridge campus...