Stepping into the Knights of Favonius headquarters was like walking into one of those overpriced office buildings in Liyue, but with less paperwork and more capes.
Amber was leading the way, looking proud like a tour guide who just brought a bunch of VIPs to the holy land of coffee-stained documents and overworked grandmasters. Lumine was her usual calm self—stoic, poised, definitely not someone who crashed into a windmill an hour ago. And me? I was walking behind them with my hands in my pockets like a guy who just got dragged to a job interview he didn't apply for.
Kaeya was still with us for some reason. Probably just trying to rack up charisma points or something. Man's the type to bring wine to a meeting and pretend it's essential for diplomacy.
Anyway, we reached the office and there she was—Acting Grandmaster Jean herself. She had that aura. You know, the kind that says "I haven't slept in three days and I'm keeping this entire city from collapsing with nothing but grit, caffeine, and sheer willpower."
Kaeya smirked. Of course he did.
"Jean, I brought them just like you asked," he said, pretending he hadn't just flirted with Lumine through forty percent of the journey here.
Jean nodded. "Thank you, Kaeya."
"Welcome," Jean added in that professional, exhausted voice of hers. "Thank you for helping Amber and for defending Mondstadt."
Before any of us could answer, there came a voice smoother than butter left in the sun for too long.
"And I'm the Librarian, Lisa," she purred, leaning casually by Jean's desk.
Now, I pride myself in being a man of culture. A man of discipline. But Lisa? She was like walking ASMR. I swear the moment she spoke, my knees considered filing for early retirement.
Amber stepped up. "Master Jean, these are the heroes who helped drive off Stormterror! The Traveler and her companions."
Jean turned to Lumine, giving her a soft but appreciative look. "We'd like to formally recognize your efforts. From today forward, you'll be known as the Honorary Knight of Mondstadt."
Lumine gave her polite nod. You know, the kind that says, "Sure, I'll accept your prestigious honorary title in a foreign land I just crash-landed in."
Jean's eyes then drifted to me and Paimon.
"And as for you two..."
Here it comes.
"...you'll be given the title of Slightly Useful Sidekicks."
I blinked. "Slightly?"
Paimon floated beside me with her arms crossed, glaring. "Hey! Paimon is way more than just slightly useful! Paimon's a great—"
"Don't finish that," I muttered. "Please don't."
Jean smiled politely, clearly used to chaos.
"Now, onto more serious matters," she continued. "Mondstadt's weather has been growing more unstable due to Stormterror's influence. In order to stabilize the region, we must unseal the Four Temples of the Four Winds."
Oh boy. Here comes the lore dump.
"The Dragon of the East, the Lion of the South, the Wolf of the North, and the Falcon of the West... Each temple is tied to one of these elemental beings. If we can cleanse them, we may ease Stormterror's fury."
Lumine nodded like she understood all of that. Meanwhile, I was just wondering if this involved more gliding. My thighs were still sore from the last time.
"We will begin the mission immediately," Jean said.
"Hold up," I said. "Is there like, a... checklist or a buffet before we start running into ancient danger zones?"
Lisa giggled. Giggled. I almost melted on the spot.
"Don't worry, darling," she said, voice like velvet laced with electricity. "You'll be just fine."
Nope. Nope. Shigeru.exe has stopped working.
Lumine looked at me, concerned. "You okay?"
"Fine," I said, trying to reboot my soul. "Totally fine. Not dying inside or anything."
Jean passed out some maps and instructions like we were about to start a school project. Lumine took hers seriously, Paimon asked if there were snacks involved, and I... I just tried to pretend I wasn't falling for a librarian who could probably electrocute me with a smile.
Kaeya, of course, had to get the last word in.
"Well then, good luck, Honorary Knight... and friends."
"It's Lumine," I muttered, not that anyone ever listens to me.
And with that, our next grand adventure began. Great. More temples. More danger. More chances to die gloriously. Hopefully with style this time.
Also, still no popcorn.
Unbelievable.
***
Ah yes. Of course there's a high-stakes quest to cleanse ancient temples with possibly world-ending consequences. But first—preparation.
Because obviously, if you're gonna punch a wind god's leftover corruption in the face, you better have a proper stick.
And where do you get said stick? That's right. Blacksmith. Home of one quest you'll only ever do once and then forget it exists.
"Let's go see the blacksmith!" Paimon chirped.
I sighed, already seeing it play out like an old cutscene. "Ah yes, the ol' get-your-first-weapon tutorial. Classic."
Lumine just nodded, quiet as always. Mysterious. Deadly. Probably thinking about something profound like her missing twin or whether Hilichurls have feelings. Me? I was mentally writing a one-star Google Play review for the gods who designed my fate.
When we got to Wagner—the blacksmith who looks like he could bench press a ruin guard—we did the whole fetch-ore-for-some-dude-so-he-can-forge-something thing. I did the lifting. Lumine did the glowing. Paimon did the talking. Like always.
"Here you go, your sword," Wagner finally said, handing it over like he was passing down a legendary artifact.
My hands shook.
Finally. A weapon.
A blade.
A glimmer of hope.
And then my smile cracked.
A sword.
"Fuck," I whispered.
I HATE close-quarter combat. I was a bow main in every game I played. Magic, sniping, keeping my distance while the others get hit? That's my vibe. This? This was not the vibe. I mean, my main is Ayato but still! If I'm going to use a weapon, I prefer a long range one, you know?
I looked like a knockoff anime protagonist. "Thanks, I guess."
Wagner grunted. "Don't poke yourself."
Thanks, man.
Time to Get Real
Now that we were armed and barely dangerous, Amber met up with us again. She was all sunshine and pep as usual.
"Ready to clear the Temple of the Falcon?" she asked.
"Born ready," Lumine said, probably.
"Let's get this over with," I muttered, dragging my sword like it offended me in a past life.
And off we went.
The Temple of the Falcon wasn't too far, and by Mondstadt standards, it was practically tourist-friendly. Except for the monsters. And spikes. And the floor that tried to eat me.
First Hilichurl popped up and I was ready.
I dodged left. Slashed right. Screamed a little.
But I did not get knocked out on the first hit.
Growth.
I even took down two of them like a pro. Okay, like a slightly competent amateur. Paimon cheered. Lumine looked mildly impressed. I felt like a goddamn hero.
Then came the traps. You know, in-game they're like, "Press F to interact." In real life? Try not dying while spinning blades whisper threats at your ankles.
Amber glided across lava like she was born in it. Me? I forgot I had a glider. Almost faceplanted into a chasm. Paimon yelled. Lumine dove to grab me. I felt alive.
We pushed through. Fought off another wave. Amber did her thing with fire. Lumine wrecked everything with grace. I screamed inspirational quotes while button-mashing real life.
One mechanism required us to shoot flaming flowers into a torch sequence. Amber nailed it. I tried and almost lit my pants on fire.
"You're doing great," Amber said with the tone of a kindergarten teacher.
"I'm trying," I muttered, singed and offended.
Finally, we reached the core.
"One down," I panted. "Three to go."
Kaeya Time. Kill Me.
Next up, Kaeya.
The man, the myth, the eye-patch-wearing drama prince.
He greeted us with his usual smirk. "Shall we head to the Temple of the Wolf?"
I wanted to say no. I wanted to say, "Go solo it yourself, sparkle pirate." But I didn't. Because plot won't allow me to.
The domain was cold. Like emotionally. Like Kaeya.
Inside, there were more traps, more monsters, and more weird mechanisms that clearly weren't tested for user experience. At one point, I accidentally launched myself into a pit.
"I'm okay!" I yelled. "Only my pride is broken."
Kaeya chuckled. I mentally added him to my enemies list.
Mid-fight, I swung my sword and actually parried a Mitachurl's club.
Paimon gasped. Lumine gasped. I gasped.
"I am inevitable," I whispered dramatically. Like Thanos.
And then I tripped.
Still, we cleared the domain.
At one point Kaeya froze a floor and I slid across it like I was auditioning for Disney on Ice. Lumine laughed. Paimon laughed. Kaeya gave me a thumbs up.
I considered quitting life.
"I'll take care of the rest," Kaeya said, staying behind.
Good. Stay there.
Wait... WAIT—
As we walked out, a chill hit my spine. Not from the domain. From realization.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKK—"
Lumine and Paimon turned.
"What's wrong?!"
I dropped to my knees like a character in a soap opera.
"We missed him..."
Paimon tilted her head. "Missed who?"
"Diluc..." I whispered. "The man. The myth. My flaming wine daddy."
"What?"
"This was supposed to be his debut! But noooo, I was too busy surviving Kaeya's Frozen Fanclub."
They stared.
"You wouldn't understand," I said, brushing imaginary tears from my cheeks. "Some losses are eternal."
But time waits for no simp.
Next up—Lisa.
Jean told us to help the library's one-woman ASMR service with her temple.
"She's smart, strong, and sexy," I said aloud.
Paimon coughed. Lumine slapped my shoulder.
Lisa was waiting by the Temple of the Lion, looking like a Pinterest board in human form. She gave us her sultry "Oh my~" and I blacked out for a second.
"We'll be fine," Lisa said, walking in with literal electric confidence.
Inside? More traps. More slimes. More opportunities to embarrass myself.
One Electro slime tried to zap me. Lisa deleted it from existence with a wink.
"I volunteer as tribute," I whispered.
We solved some weird puzzles. I may or may not have accidentally shocked myself. Twice. It's fine.
Lisa flirted with Lumine and me like she was casually sipping wine on a date. I tripped over my sword trying to act cool.
At one point, we triggered a floor trap and I fell onto Lisa.
"Oh my, how forward~"
I died.
Just kidding.
But not really.
Eventually, we reached the core of the temple, and Lisa fried it like a leftover sandwich.
"Well done," she said.
"You too," I replied, in my most un-simp voice.
Outside, the skies had cleared.
The winds calmed.
The air smelled like victory and slightly burnt hair.
We did it. Cleansed three temples. Survived Kaeya. Nearly passed out near Lisa. Missed Diluc. Emotionally scarred? Absolutely.
"Now we can focus on helping Dvalin!" Paimon cheered.
I nodded, holding my sword like a champ.
Still hated melee.
Still giving this quest a 1/5.
But damn, I looked cool for a second there.
And maybe, just maybe, this whole 'save the world' thing wouldn't be so bad after all.
But I'm still not over the fact that I missed my Glorious King, Diluc...
______________________________
End of chapter 5
Quest completed: Unsealed the domains.
Rewards: A new sword, a new trauma, and getting called Darling by Lisa.