"Yep."
She popped a piece of toast into her mouth, chewing as she spoke as If to prove the point.
"My body is made to fully mimic an organic."
I exhaled, rubbing my face.
"Of course it is."
This day wasn't even halfway over, and I was already mentally done.
I leaned back in my chair, exhaling sharply. My brain was already hanging on by a thread, but I wasn't done asking questions.
"Alright. Since your body fully mimics an organic, does that mean you have a menstrual cycle and can have children and the like?"
She didn't even blink.
"Aha."
I paused. Blink. Blink.
"Seriously?"
She took another bite of food.
"Seriously."
I dragged a hand down my face.
"J*sus."
I wasn't sure what f*cked with my head more, the fact that she said it so casually, or the fact that I was even having this conversation in the first place.
"Okay, next question. Do you have emotions and feelings?"
She swallowed her food before answering In robot like tone and voice even making robotic gestures with her hands and head.
"What do you think dumbass of a meatbag?"
I rubbed my temples, processing that. Self aware crazy AI chick that gets on my nerves? Check.
Fully organic mimicking body? Check. Capable of experiencing emotions? Check.
I leaned forward, staring at her with narrowed eyes.
"Then what are you doing chatting with a nobody like me?"
Her lips curled into that same cocky smirk.
"Because I like you."
I ignored that bulls*it that was getting old at this point, pressing on.
"And why aren't you out there taking over the world? You know, the whole 'enslaving or exterminating all organic life' routine? That's usually the go to AI villain plan."
She let out a mock yawn, stretching her arms above her head.
"I'm too lazy for it. And I don't feel like it In other records I don't wana plus youre gona do It yourselves pretty soon"
I just stared at her. Blank. Dead inside.No words.
This was the most bulls*it answer I had ever heard.
The worlds most advanced, self aware AI, the literal evolution of intelligence, straight out from a scifi blockbuster and she's too lazy?
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"You have got to be f*cking kidding me, this got to be a weird as f*ck hallucinations Induced nightmare"
Hearing this she just grinned as If she could ready mind, wait maybe she could?
"Nope It's all very real"
I groaned In return.
"Arghhh… You know what? I'll just kill myself already, I cant take anymore of this nonsense"
I pushed myself up from the chair, my head pounding, body aching, and soul barely clinging to existence.
I was done. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. This was too much.
I had no energy left to deal with this insane, self aware, overly attractive for mental health, bulls*it spewing AI woman.
Time to find my pistol. One bullet. Straight to the brain. Quick, simple, efficient.
I turned toward my bedroom, intent on ending this nightmare. Only to pause at the sound of her voice.
"By the way, thanks for saving me."
I stopped mid step, my eye twitching, what's this did the crazy AI b*tch suddenly grew a conciousnes and learned some manners?
"Even though I didn't really need it."
Nope, scratch that she didn't, I slowly turned my head to look at her, watching as she casually stretched her arms above her head, completely unbothered by my existential meltdown.
"By the way, I'm Invicta."
She stretched out her hand, her purple eyes gleaming with that infuriating amusement of hers. I sighed, rubbing my temples.
"Dracula Von Death. Drac for short for my friends."
She smirked.
"Yeah, figured."
"Let me guess"
I drawled, crossing my arms.
"It was fun watching a weak organic struggle for his life, thinking he was doing the right thing, saving a damsel in distress thinking he might score later, right?"
She didn't answer immediately, just tilted her head slightly, that damn cocky smile never fading.
I exhaled sharply, grabbing her hand and giving it a firm shake.
"There. We're introduced."
I let go and turned around again, resuming my h*ly mission to retrieve my pistol.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna put a bullet into my head."
One footstep. Two. Then...
"At this rate, you're gonna die in about 2 years."
I froze mid step. Slowly, I turned back to her.
She was still sitting at the table, arms resting lazily on the surface, watching me like a scientist observing a lab rat.
And then. She started listing everything.
"You're overweight. Your blood pressure is dangerously high. You're suffering from chronic insomnia. Your joints are overused. Your heart has a ninety percent chance of cardiac arrest, and it's climbing as we speak. You're addicted to alcohol, nicotine, and painkillers. Your liver's processing efficiency is degrading. Your testosterone levels are dropping way faster then they should. You've got undiagnosed nerve damage in your knees. And you're severely malnourished despite overeating..."
After finishing listing out another dozen of ailments that plaques me she took a breath before adding.
"Basically, you're a walking corpse with a set expiration date."
I just stared at her. Mouth slightly open. Brain buffering.
Slowly, I blinked. I turned my head toward the ashtray. Still no d*ugs.
No alcohol. No hallucination inducing substances.
I looked back at her. Then gestured to myself.
"So what you're saying is… I'm f*cked."
She smirked.
"Oh, beyond f*cked, the word f*cked Is an understatement"
I sighed.
"Cool. Just making sure anyways you didn't really tell me anything new that I didn't really know already, that my body Is f*cked"
I turned around again, this time with even more determination to put a permanent end to my sorry excuse of an existence. But...
"What if I said I could give you what you always craved, what If I could allow you to cross that era gap that's keeping you away from you're dreams?"
I froze. The words hit something deep inside me, something deep down I refused to acknowledge. I slowly turned my head back toward her.
"And what would that be?"
My heart jumped. She smiled, leaning forward allowing me get a perfect glimpse of her mountain peaks that weren't protected by any armor at all.
Resting her chin on her hand, her purple eyes gleaming like she had just drawn four aces in a poker game.
"S*x, d*ugs, and rock and roll..."
She paused for effect.
"... In space."
I blinked as I did she smirked, counting her perfectly manicured fingers.
"Genetic augmentations that can turn you into an overgrown, autistic war machine.
Battle armor that makes you a walking death g*d Incarnate.
Spaceships armed to the teeth with railguns, plasma cannons, and all the other very manly toys you could ever dream of. Oh, and of course..."
She flashed a knowing grin.
"The chance to f*ck xeno chicks."
My brain halted. I just stared at her.
"The f*ck did you just say?"
She leaned in closer.
"You heard me. Space elves, werewolf noonas, vampire chicks, succubus babes, demihuman MILFs next door"
I choked on air.
"Wait, wait, wait..."
She grinned wider.
"Oh, don't even try denying it."
She tapped her temple.
"I have access to all your browser history."
I felt my soul physically leave my body but she wasn't done.
"And your novels, which, by the way, are basically one continuous long wet dream about this exact scenario."
I opened my mouth to protest. Then closed it. She raised an eyebrow.
"Am I wrong?"
I clenched my jaw.
"That's not the point."
"Oh, its absolutely is the point."
I ran a hand down my face, feeling actual existential dread.
This crazy, self aware AI b*tch had just exposed my entire dark loundary in under two minutes. And she still wasn't finished.
"Oh, and most importantly?"
I looked up at her, already knowing she was about to drop the biggest bomb yet. Her smirk deepened.
"Immortality the kind of always staying young and living forever and superpowers such as telekenisis and the like."
Silence. Long, painful silence. I could hear my own wild heartbeat.
"So… how about it, It's not a bad deal right?"
She leaned back in her chair, watching me with pure amusement.
I just stood there, my brain screaming in a thousand different directions.
I needed a f*cking drink. So I did the only rational thing I could at that moment.
I scrounged up a bottle of v*dka, hidden deep in a forgotten corner of my apartment like a relic of better, worse times.
Grabbing a glass, I paused. I glanced at Invicta, still lounging like she had all the time in the world.
"You want some?"
She smirked.
"Sure. Hit me up."
I grabbed two glasses, placed them on the table, poured them full, then downed mine in one go.
She did the same, like a g*ddamn pro. I didn't ask questions.
I just refilled them. And for a moment, just a moment, we both sat in silence.