"Hi."
I stopped the quill pen in mid-air, feeling the weight of the familiar voice. It was her. Victoria was there, standing next to my desk, both hands behind her back, a look in her eyes that seemed on the verge of tears.
I glanced at her, briefly, and then shifted my eyes back to my task. She looked stunning, as always. She wore a red lace dress, which fitted her body perfectly, and dark stockings that outlined her long, shapely legs. Her white shoes were immaculate, and her hair was tied up in two ponytails, one on either side of her scalp. She looked like a doll. Perfect. Delicate.
"Hello."
My reply came out almost without thinking, cold, indifferent. The task was difficult, and I didn't want to get lost in distractions.
What did she want from me now? I had already made my choice. I had already moved away from her. There was no more room for her in my world. The time I spent with her was already wasted time.
I needed 90 points to pass the grade. Only grades really mattered now.
"Can we talk for a while?"
Her voice sounded hesitant, as if she was about to cry at any moment. I felt a tightness in my chest, a twinge of something I didn't want to name. Something between anger and pity. She didn't deserve my time anymore. I'd learned that the hard way, and I wasn't going to make the same mistake again.
"No."
My answer was dry, colder than I had intended. She grabbed my sleeve, and at that moment, the feeling of anger grew. I held back the impulse to slap her hand away, and for a second, I thought about just getting away from her. She didn't even deserve my attention, and here she was, trying to give me yet another excuse.
In the living room, I could feel the glances in my direction. I felt the murmurs, the curious eyes piercing me, as if I were the villain of the story.
"Did they break up?"
"What an idiotic guy, throwing a beauty like that away..."
"Maybe I have a chance now..."
"Look at this guy's villainous face, he must have dumped her after using her, and he's still treating her like this... he's no good."
The words hit me, and a vein pulsed in my forehead. I knew what they were thinking. I knew they were judging me. I didn't care, but the anger still came over me. As if I was the only one who was wrong, the only one who was insensitive. But no one knew what I was up against. What she had done to me. I wasn't going to be the idiot again. I wasn't going to allow myself to fall into the same trap.
Without saying another word, I stood up, dropped the book on the table and walked towards the door, leaving the room without looking back.
In the hallway, she was there once again. I could see the regret in her eyes. Her expression was filled with a sadness that I didn't know if it was genuine or just a strategy.
"I came to apologize for what happened, I regret what I did. Can you forgive me for that?"
I stopped, the book still pressed against my chest, and stared at her. The pain she had caused me, how much I had put into it, and everything she had thrown away... It was there, present, eating me up inside.
But I couldn't go back. I couldn't allow her to do this to me again. And no, I was no longer willing to give another chance to someone who didn't value me the way she should have.
"I..." I started to say, but anger choked me. I wanted to be direct, but I couldn't. So I looked at her, with a mixture of pain and indifference.
"No. You can't apologize to me. Not after everything that's happened."
I didn't say anything else. I just turned my back and kept walking. The walk to my next class seemed long, but it was necessary. I knew what I had to do. Move on. No matter what she said, I wasn't going to fall for the illusion of a fresh start. I had already learned my lesson. And that lesson was not to get attached to someone who wasn't willing to get attached back.
"Of course, no hard feelings."
The answer came out without thinking, but the truth was that I didn't feel angry with Victoria. She had been a lesson. A bitter lesson, but an important one that I would use for the rest of my life. And maybe, deep down, it was what I needed to finally learn not to make the same mistakes.
Victoria bit her lips, clearly struggling to hold back the tears, and began to follow me down the corridor. I knew where this was going, but she still persisted.
"I want to know if we can try again."
The pain of her insistence cut me again. I had already made my decision. There was no more room for her in my life.
"No."
The word was simple, direct, cold. I saw her face turn pale. The pain in her eyes was nothing new to me, but this time I didn't give in. I wasn't going to.
"Come on, give me a chance to prove that I've changed. I didn't know it would upset you so much. I... I really didn't want to hurt you, Zaatar."
I stopped by the door to the living room, and the anger, the frustration—everything I was trying to control—came flooding back.
"I can't trust you anymore. I don't want to get involved in this anymore. I just want peace now."
It was the last thing I said before entering the classroom, the door slamming behind me with a bang that sounded almost like an affirmation of what I felt. I wanted to move on. I needed to move on.
The discomfort I felt at seeing Victoria still standing there outside the classroom was unbearable. Her eyes were red and she looked ready to cry at any moment. It bothered me, but I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to care.
After math class, I went straight to botany class. And, of course, there she was. Victoria came in with the class. The class was small, so it was hard to avoid her. The poor teacher seemed caught between trying to teach the lesson and trying to ignore the tension in the air. But Victoria's pressure was visible. She was there, wanting to affect me, wanting me to see her, to listen to me. And I... I didn't want any more of that.
I concentrated on my plants, on the questions I had, and ignored her words, but she didn't seem willing to leave me alone.
"You're not even listening to me, Zaatar. I really like you. I've realized that the best moments of my life have been with you. And none of them compare to you. Let's go back, give me a chance to prove how important you are to me."
I slowly turned to her, my eyes cold, my mind distant.
"No, thank you."
She didn't like the answer. An outburst of anger, a small excess of frustration, caused her to crush one of the plants I had been cultivating so carefully. The scene was so sudden that I almost felt a chill. The plant, crushed under her hand, was the perfect metaphor for what I was trying to avoid.
"You keep that annoying face and mouth shut, as if I'm to blame for everything. When, in fact, it's your fault that all this has happened. You never paid enough attention to me! We always just hung out at school, you never introduced me to your parents, you never took me seriously. It was because of you that I did what I did. It was your fault!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face.
I just stared at her, speechless. What she was saying made no sense to me. Not anymore. I wasn't responsible for what she had done. But, of course, she wanted to make me believe that.
I took a deep breath, without shaking. I wasn't going to play her game. I wasn't going to give in to this emotional manipulation.
"You really are a big victim in all this, so..." I began, turning to the teacher, trying to ignore Victoria.
"ZAATAR!!!" she screamed in utter desperation, her voice cutting through the air. The sound was so loud that even the teacher was startled.
I turned around once more, calm returning to my face, but with a pain there, a weight I couldn't deny. I knew all this was happening, and there was nothing I could do to change it.
"You're an insensitive, cruel bastard. After everything I've done for you, all the gifts I've given you, you haven't even considered my words!" She got up, her eyes full of tears, and left the garden, crying.
I stood there, motionless. Like a stone. The garden now looked like an empty, desolate place. I blinked a few times, trying to process everything that had happened, and then I looked at the teacher.
"Where did we leave off?"
The teacher seemed at a loss for words. She was in a state of total confusion, while I simply went about my day without looking back. I had nothing more to give her.