Invitation received, never such an event would I be moulded so intensely by ever again
December 16th
Having just finished my first year at college, I was feeling both ambitious and proud, like I could take on the world. Running off the high of passing my grades with excellence, despite being a bit rambunctious with my off campus activities frequently during the year.
Name's Robin by the way.
A typical male, eighteen years old, still young in both body and soul, blue dyed hair, long enough to reach my shoulders, living in a small enough town to be considered so.
New Farren, Population of around 58,000.
A bayside-esque area with nothing much else to do as far as us teenagers were concerned, having outlets of few places to vent our newlywed frustrations to the world.
Sure, I was no stranger to the concepts of alcohol and its supposed cool factor, a friend that I had made in my classes before starting my college life, Tye, and his group of friends I had grown to know somewhat, had made sure I was introduced to such things.
Egging me on with every night we shared, class pet turned frat boy I suppose is what they were aiming for, something pure and clear turned cloudy and muddled.
Not that I wasn't okay with leading a more hedonistic life, far from it in fact.
It was a nice enough break from the norm I had been accustomed to at the time.
Taking to it at ease, a welcomed rest period from the sometimes harsh studies that I had to do,
books in hand, mind dead set on grades being well enough to please, the average mundane lifestyle of such a simple creature was where I lived and breathed in, going through his studies with a solid intent.
I suppose later rather than sooner in my case had this new found prospect of a sometimes unlawful entertainment found me, considering I was only seventeen before the campus life had taken over, never even once touching something as carefree as a single cigarette.
Patron saint right?
But nonetheless, my first year of college went more smoothly than I thought. Diligently hunkering down, lessons heard, tests seen and memorized, managing to pass my grades with flying colors, all the while some nights were being muddled with acts and sentences said and done that flew past my focused mind like airplanes, flowing to and fro, destinations I knew not as I thought that was just the average life you'd be expected to lead as a teenager.
Coming into the holiday season, I thought nothing of it, just hammer down and wait until next year. Prepare and keep to the grades my parents were undoubtedly going to be proud of.
Bragging rights for all the other parents to gawk at as they sat there, certificate's in hand, smiles on their faces as they saw their prized son take the mantle of a grade A student. But something was gnawing at my brain as I tried, a notification from my phone.
Something I almost ignored entirely knowing the circumstances of my curriculum, but nonetheless I kept thinking of it.
A date.
3rd January next year.
The occasion was Tye's 19th birthday party.
At that point I hadn't seen him for a while due to my ties with college life, being busy with studying and my newly found friend group that I somehow managed to cultivate that year.
I figured he would've moved on by now, finding other's to fill the gap for invitations, not giving me a second thought as to whether or not to invite me.
Friends come and go, as they always say, so this wasn't exactly something I didn't see coming.
I guess they still had love for me enough to give me the chance however, which to be fair, we were pretty close back when we were in high school.
Suppose I just forgot about that with all the developments and new bonds I had made in my life at that time.
Yet still, I had that invite notification hovering over my phone screen as I debated over pressing it.
Should I?
I mean I had known Tye for five years and counting, hell, we even used to host the same scenarios I was currently debating over going back in the day as young dumb teenagers.
Maybe it was just the untread territory of his new friends he'd made since we last hung out, or maybe how seriously he'd take me nowadays.
I was a shut-in after all, an introverted, anxious mess even after I first stepped into the college campus. It was nothing short of a miracle I had even made a new group of friends since I joined
Yet bitter sweet is the raging sense of seeking some form of self worth that puberty brings however.
'What if there were girls there?'
As I asked that to myself, debating it over days and days of my studies and usual cycles of life, talking away to myself during my holiday stint, pen in hand at my desk, trying diligently to hone the needed skills for the next semester in my room at my parents home,
writing away as my mind raced at the idea I had somehow just figured out.
Being a stowaway, stereotypical no name at the time, of course I was still a virgin.
So any sense of losing that status was kept confined to the reaches of my dull head. Sure I had friends that were girls before. And sure, I felt like I had more than 'just friends' feelings for them, but I'd dare not try to say that out loud, never in my life would I have tried.
But for some reason, this one exact time in the year had me thinking otherwise.
If I actually tried, if I shut my anxiety off for even just one time in my life, something that would be a monumental task, would I finally break the mould?
Would I finally be like the rest of them?
To be able to tick off from the mental bucket list, the covenant "get with a girl" Achievement?
I wasn't much of a hunk.
Average build, average looking face and features, little to no fashion sense.
Sure some people gave me the occasional look here and there and there, even the rare compliment if I actually ended up paying attention to how I looked.
But I definitely wasn't what you'd find on something like your stereotypical daytime TV dating show.
Some roughed up, buff chad, six pack and eyes to die for with a charming charisma to boot, definitely not my situation.
No
Nope
Hmmm
…
Forget it
saying to myself as I carried on writing away.
Pen back on paper as I kept the music running, keeping the grind going, no time to think of hypotheticals like that, think of the logic and work with that.
Yet still, debate after debate, scenario after scenario ran through my mind like an endless street, sign after sign showing me all the possibilities such an environment could, and even more so would have in store.
'Bring the night' my deep libido screamed, as awoken to such prospects of lust and forced heat it had not yet truly become. This chance, possibly being the one opportunity I had, laid bare to me free of charge.
…
"Fuck it"
January 3rd
It was my initial intention to just walk in for a couple of hours, say hi to everyone, exchange some drinks, talk if I could to anyone I knew. Hoping and praying to god that the alcohol would loosen me up enough to not entirely cringe at every word that came out of my mouth.
I walked toward the supposed meeting point at our local beach.
It was a massive space of public land considering how small the rest of our city looked in comparison, a sprawling concoction of both forest and sand, meeting in between through pathways and driveways, one in particular leading into the main attraction of the ocean's full gaze amongst the landscape.
It's blue, enticing abyss amongst the naked dark sky full of beading white crystals, exposed and full of vibrance.
Bag on my back was jammed full of alcohol, tempted to just start the inevitable drinking before I even reached the destination just to calm my nerves. Thinking it would give me the edge I so desperately needed, nervous as all hell as I bashfully entered the scene.
Still, as I reached the location, I saw three tree logs sorted in a sort of campfire-esque layout on the sand overlooking the water, maybe a hundred meters away from it.
The night was just sounding off in its dark and black embrace as I saw only four figures, sitting around the destination, conversing and drinking away. Taken aback a bit at first.
Thinking to myself that there should've been far more people here at this point, going back to the initial post Tye had made regarding this night. More than fifty reactions, twenty comments, interest in this event was definitely there, yet so little of a turnout at first glance.
Maybe my on time persona left me less of a chance to be fashionably late, punctuation for party's are usually a given not to work in your favour after all.
Regardless I thought to myself as I approached the group. Two girls and two guys. One of the girls, seeming to be already halfway through the night, swerved around the other's in an obviously intoxicated manner. Her focus was mainly on the other girl involved at this time, who I guessed was her friend, trying to calm her down but apparently to no avail.
Guess I'd better introduce myself I thought, lest they think I'm not here for the party and just some creep wandering about and spying on them with some sort of devious intent.
Words started to be exchanged, typical hellos and who do you know we're given.
Intoxication subtle for the time being as I made my introductions, heart racing as I did, not knowing most if not anyone else here.
Awkwardly waiting for Tye and his posse to arrive, late to his own party seems on point for him I suppose.
The girl I had initially seen, stammering around the site of the party, seemed well enough to not raise much concern, just the stereotypical mess you'd always see in these kinds of situations.
Her friend I saw, name now being known as Carrie after our initial introductions, didn't seem to have cause for concern for her friend's state of behavior and mind.
Just playing it off as somewhat of a normality.
Blonde hair, brown eyes, wearing a somewhat revealing combination of a loose red shirt and black shorts, her big breasts almost peeking out from the containment of her outfit, having seen her large areolas for a second or two briefly.
Chubby body yet still somewhat of a looker, Seeming no less than seventeen years old. Cigarette in hand, can of beer in the other, minding her own business for the time being. Slowly making remarks toward her friend dancing and stumbling around, talking to the other two currently involved, slurred speech and laughter could be heard as she did.
As I sat on one of the wooden logs placed around, taking off and putting next to me my backpack, jammed full of cheap bottles of beer. Glass clinking back and forth, seeming to gain the attention of Carrie as she glanced over at me.
"Got a spare one in there?"
Accepting her move and trying to reply as well as I could do, considering my anxious state of mind. A default for me I couldn't shake no matter how hard I tried.
"Y…yeah"
Swiftly grabbing and reaching for my bag, taking a glance at her as I did.
Her large areolas splitting my vision as they once again peered out from the loose short she was wearing, profusely blushing as I found a bottle to hand her.
"...Notice something?"
Her face smirking as she accepted the bottle I gave her, quickly grabbing it from my hands, now shaking from this statement.
"N…Nah"
Laughing as she twisted the cap open, chugging down the liquid contained within in an instant, catching my eyes by genuine surprise as she did.
"...So, playboy, how do you know Tye?"
I told her about our past, stuttering slightly every now and then as I did. Telling her about our endeavors and various antics, trying to be somewhat witty about it all. Desperately finding something to grasp at to quell my nervous mind, second hand smoke entering my lungs as she inhaled from her cigarette with each passing sentence shared. Eventually we stopped the conversation as she went to speak with the few others around. Not sure of how it went in her mind, much less mine, as my brain was still racing around words and sentences.
Soon enough that few she would be talking to would change, as more and more people entered the fray of the afternoon, slowly turning into dark. Flashing their various bottles of alcohol, volumes of conversations rose as more and more friends and others arrived with each few minutes passing over.
Words turned to the sounds of bottles turning, music started to rise in volume, more and more voices were heard, guess the party had finally sounded off in all its prepubescent glory.
________