Familiar was this feeling, yet still the same hollow brain did I share
Two hours passed by us all like nothing as the night became full and vibrant.
"Seriously? What was her name?"
Caught in the middle of a conversation between David and Rose. Talking away about their recent viewings of anime shows. Rose, having recently made a new friend that shared similar interests as her and David, obviously peaking his interest being the charismatic romantic that he played himself off as.
"Hah! I read you like a book dummy, you're gonna ask for her number aintcha!?"
A devilish look on her face as she called him out. His face now red with embarrassment, sort of reminding me of myself if I were in that same situation. Anxious brain would've definitely wanted to punch me cold from the inside.
"N…No! How rude of you to assume that!
H…Hey Robin, I wasn't gonna do that right?"
Suddenly focusing the attention on me, being somewhat jaded already, my mind slowly swirling back out from its container locked in a cage, I tried to reply as well as I could in this situation. Still hardly knowing enough to make educated guesses for possible answers.
"...Nah surely not!"
'Nice try, idiot' I said to myself in my head.
Seeming to work well enough however.
"Hah! See! I totally wasn't gonna do that!"
Her face puffed up, mocking his expressions as she laughed, David's face turning red even more as he took another swig from the bottle in his hand.
"Oh? Well then, you won't flinch when I say that her favorite pick is 'Komi Can't Communicate' huh?"
His face, struggling beyond belief to contain his excitement upon hearing that as if to save himself from further humiliation.
Myself and Rose couldn't help ourselves as we laughed away hysterically at his expressions trying their hardest to come through.
"What are y'all laughing about this time?"
Tye, his playful and friendly voice slipping into the conversation seamlessly as he usually did. Cigarette in hand, going to rest his arm on my shoulder, flinching slightly as he did.
"Oh just this dummy asking me about my new *ahem* GIRL friend"
Tye, showing an expression akin to saying 'of course he did' as he waved his cigarette around David's face, now blood red as he looked away, taking further sips from the bottle in his hand.
"Oh yeah? She cute enough for him?"
Rose laughed as she reached for a can of beer from her bag sitting next to her on the grass, deciding before not to sit on the bleachers like the rest of us were.
"Oh she's adorable! Trust me, if I were her, I'd let him go a few rounds on me"
All of us giggling at her reply as we drank from our various cans and bottles, getting further intoxicated through the night over our heads.
"Tye, he's here"
Rebecca, having been conversing with Arun and Tye before he left to join our talks suddenly. Patting Tye on the shoulder as he looked up at her, his face now showing some visible concern.
"Sure you wanna do this dude? Could talk some sense into him"
"Ugh, don't bother. Not like the fuck's gonna listen"
Her voice was solid and low, as if to emphasize the seriousness of her sentence being said.
Hesitating for a few seconds as he stood up, letting out a sigh as he did, myself now being dragged back into my head after being distracted, commiting to the conversations being thrown around our time spent here.
Noticing her briefly look at me as they slowly walked away from the rest of the group, a look of distress in her eyes as she did, as if to say some kind of sorry to me before she turned back around, getting further and further away from view.
"Hah… that girl's gonna be the death of us soon isn't she Rose"
Looking back at David, his face showing a glimpse of disappointment as he uttered those words to us, Rose followed suit as they both shook their heads in unison, speaking her mind on the matter.
"I told her. Sempa wasn't this bad to her, she shoulda stuck with him if she was still fiending"
Amnesia met reality in my head if but for a few seconds.
That name, sounding eerily familiar, more importantly however was what this now unfolding situation at hand meant or entailed.
Questions began to worm their way into my mind, where she was going, what she was doing, who she was going to meet, it all sounded and looked shady to say the least, but for now, it's not my place to judge.
"Ya know Robin, you're pretty lucky. You ain't like those guys, you got her with no strings attached"
My face, now blushing heavily, not even beginning to know how to respond to that, or to any of what I had just seen for that matter.
I couldn't even consider the fact that my infatuation, my obsession, the angel in my mind, would be doing something so wrong in my eyes. That she was possibly selling her body for an exchange of drugs.
I wasn't so foreign to the idea. I had seen past encounters before. Women trying desperately to feed the addiction by any means necessary. Selling whatever they could get their hands on. If all else failed, the last resort was their bodys for the rich, perverted and hungry to use. To abuse as they saw fit.
A sudden memory flashed through my mind, if but for a brief, short second, catching me off guard completely.
Something familiar, yet I couldn't see what it was, only the emotion that it brang.
Regret
"What?"
Words slipping out of my mouth loudly as I was stuck in my train of thought.
Being caught in a wave of questions and emotions, endless and reaching.
Expression and body language made it obvious that I was trapped there, the others catching on to this almost immediately as they looked at me with concern.
Rose, going to hug me once more, feeling so much more soothing than most I've had before, her cheek rubbing against mine as her face hit my own.
"Don't sweat it dude! She's just stubborn! You guys are gonna be great together!"
Letting out a playful giggle as she released me from her embrace, David confirmed her statement with a nod as I looked over at him, his fist clenched as he suddenly stood up, rigid and full of emotion, the wood we sat on buckled with his motions as it was no doubt struggling to hold the weight of his sheer muscle.
"The clutches of addiction truly play with one's emotions!"
"Hey, David! She's not addicted you dummy"
Lightly slapping his body after she said that, as if to discipline him for his comment. David swiftly sat back down afterward.
"She's just… Confused? Is that the word for it?*
"Nope. David had it right the first time"
Arun, finally entering the conversation at hand suddenly, only listening in before, sitting silently as he did, phone still in his hands as the glare from the screen covered the round glasses over his eyes.
"She's currently in an exchange with Zion. I'll spare you the details Robin"
Dude seriously, once again, not doing wonders for my brain.
"Arun, can you like, not right now?"
Rose's face now turned serious as she started to stare at him. His demeanor, not changing for a second as he slowly lifted his face up to reply, sighing as he did.
"Do I really need to explain to him how far gone he is right now? You know you're trying to date a cra-"
"ARUN!"
Shouts from David as he quickly stood up, approaching Arun with red hot fever in his emotion, staring at him from above, his towering body full of intimidation.
Obviously offended at Arun's backhanded, sudden comments, thinking to myself the implications of his cut off sentence and what it meant exactly.
"Hmph… Sorry, just thought he should know what he's getting into, as blindly as he is"
Looking at me as he ended his sentence, eyes pointing directly at mine, eyebrows raised.
Sure, the guy with the glasses saying how blind I was, such dramatic irony.
Yet still his words were now resonating sufficiently in my mind, as dumb as it was from the alcohol being consumed, I wasn't completely braindead, I could only figure what he was about to say, something that sent a deep shiver down my spine, that this girl I was pursuing, was indeed a whore for addiction.
"Guys stop, seriously! Let's just… Get back to being friends okay?
David sat back down in a huff, eyes closed, arms crossed, continuing to be angered by the situation.
Arun, still as stiff as he was prior, going back to his phone, no emotion in his face at all.
Rose, now crawling up to David to try and calm him down, giving him a brief cuddle as she slowly eased his mind, as if being his Black Widow, caressing him from hulk back into human.
"So uhm…Robin? You're cool with us moving to Lacey's when they get back right?"
Still holding David in her arms as she asked this, moving her hands over his face as he embraced every touch she gave to him, leaning into each movement.
Figuring beforehand this would be a given for tonight, money saved in my bank account now finally being available to put to good use, saving some dollars made even more so if my uncle was working tonight.
"Yeah sure, I've got my ID with me"
….
"Hey y'all!"
Tye's familiar voice came back into the picture as him and Rebecca eventually made their way back a few minutes later.
"Hope we didn't miss any good shit going on"
Rebecca, slowly following him as her expression and poses whilst walking almost confirmed my rousing suspicions before.
She seemed disheveled, frown on her face made prominent as I glanced her way, eyes meeting mine for a few seconds before she swiftly turned her head away into the distance, ashamed no doubt.
Yet still she approached us as we all said our welcome backs, Tye slipped back into the mix as easily as he always did, Rose going to embrace Rebecca immediately as she made her way back.
"...Robin. Wanna come with me for a bit?"
Rebecca looked at me as I was still in the same spot as before she came back. Hands in my thighs as I sat there, anxious and full of questions yet again, normal feeling when both sober and drunk. Being close to beyond the tipsy phase of the night as I tried to keep myself reserved for the rest of tonight's plans.
"Oi don't take too long, we're gonna head out soon"
Tye looked at me as I stood up, reiterating the fact we'd be moving soon. But this was more important to me than anything else right now. Being with her again. In private. Libido kept more reserved this time due to the knowledge I had gained through the night, yet still, not keeping some form of intimacy off the books.
As we moved our way further from the rest of the group, talking voices faded away as she embraced me. Hugging me tightly, shaking as she did. Feeling her emotion run through my own, a sense of relief yet uncontrollable fear and uneasiness.
"Fuck I'm such an idiot"
Hearing this as she pulled away from me, seeing a faint yet distinguishable tear running down from her right eye. Reaching into her pocket to grab the bag I had seen when she had first shown up. Other hand reached into her jacket pocket to grab what I recognized immediately to be a glass pipe.
"Tye said you wanted a hit, so I'll let you have the first"
Did I say that?
Oh right I did.
But did I want this?
On one hand, I wanted to be down for anything and everything, but there were limits I was willing to give myself. For the sake of both my crippling anxious state of mind and just my state of mind in general. Not wanting to fully compromise sanity just for a short burst of pleasure.
Then again, wasn't I literally trying my hardest to do that already? Trying to get with this girl for a chance, any chance at all, to be with her in all her naked, beautiful glory.
"...What's up? Change your mind?"
Looking at me with a puzzled expression as I stood there in thought. Thinking about the possible outcomes to this decision I was about to make.
…
'Fuck it'
Reaching for the equipment in her hands, a bag and a glass pipe, smile forming on her face as I did. Almost instinctively knowing what to do as I went through with setting up my hit. Powder went into the crater at the end of the glass. Lighter aimed at the botto-
Oh, I didn't have one.
Looking down to my pockets to find the one I usually brought with me just in case any rouge cigarettes were being passed around, not wanting to miss the opportunity of a free tobacco high.
"Here, I gotcha"
Shoving a lighter in my face as she was already equipped for this moment.
Knowing full well the extent and troubles that may come with what I was about to do, I lit the glass in my hands. Watching the crystals melt away slowly as I went to inhale the fumes protruding out of the other end.
…
Bliss struck me like lightning. A Surprisingly familiar feeling, yet still catching me off guard regardless.
"...Fucking hell"
Standing there, eyes upward, feeling this sudden euphoria reach the brain matter within the case of my skull, dark and lightless. I had but one thought. Rushing the innards of my process, struggling beyond belief to even try and comprehend the feelings now flowing through my system.
Freedom.
Sustaining more than enough resources for my mind to finally fight back the anxious thoughts that were once prevalent. Overthrowing it.
God.
This was bliss.
"There you are"
Rebecca looked at me, eyes full, a smile now slowly forming on her face as she saw me reach my maximum limit.
My demon's had left me. But what would replace it? This sudden jolt of pleasure I had just inhaled into my system?
…So, ya know when I mentioned calling me a sort of Jekyll and Hyde kinda character when under the influence?
Yeah. I guess I wasn't kidding.
Taking another slow, long hit as I went through the motions again. Furthering my state of mind, reaching nirvana.
"...Jesus Christ"
Laughing hysterically as I said this, Rebecca did the same as she heard me. Looking at her smiling away.
"Alright, your turn bitch"
Not even acknowledging my crude nature as she reached for what was inside my hands.
"You better thank me. I did this for us"
Her face still showed that joyous smile as she went to repeat my previous actions, holding the pipe in her hand.
"Us? Really? So you gonna let me smash yet or what?"
As she went through the motions, her face leaning away from the smoke as she exhaled in a now jaded state of being, feeling what I've been feeling in almost full capacity.
"...Not now dumbass"
Our faces leaned into each other as the smoke faded into the air around us, parting ways in a beautiful manner, as if begging our faces to ravage each other as we stared into the eyes of one another, fever now running molten.
"Why not babe? We could give it two minutes, no one would notice here"
Licking my lips as I said this. Grabbing her arm still holding the apparatus that led to our divinity firmly, leaning her closer into me.
"I bet your pussy's begging for it right now"
Her face frowned slightly, pushing me back a bit as I said this.
"Stop trying to be like him, you're better than that idiot"
Looking away slightly, laughing as she did as her elated state took over.
"I've already sucked one dumbasses dick tonight, I don't need another one in me"
Mind now fully charged with every emotion that gave me pleasure, seeing her bashful eyes look at me then look away, I had but mere seconds to try and snap myself back to what she had just said. Reminding me that she had already been used. She didn't deserve someone else doing the same shortly afterwards, that'd be beyond cruel.
Going back to the group in our now euphoric states, running and skipping in unison as we did. Making it more than obvious that we were on a higher plane than everyone else here involved, their faces having confirmed so as they looked at us with a slight and subtle, yet obvious expression.
"Took ya sweet time love birds!"
Tye, posing like a Greek statue on the bleachers. Cigarette in hand, other hand planted firmly on his knee as he somewhat knelt on the bleachers talking to everyone else before our arrival.
"Fuck it Tye, let's get to Lacey's. I'm buying all you guys shots! On the fucking house!"
Everyone laughed as I said this, not having a care in the world as to why they did, eyes full of energy, face full of intent to keep this party at maximum. Rebecca behind me, giggling away uncontrollably.
"Alright then! Now we're talking"
Tye, Rose, David and Arun all exchanged glances of confirmation as they all went to stand from their seated positions. Rebecca leaned into my ear as they did.
"Let's cause some chaos babe"
__________