When I woke up, I had moss in my mouth and a frog sleeping on my face.
Classic goblin morning.
I sat up groggily, rubbing the dried mud off my eyelids.
And there it was, floating in front of me like a holy sign from the heavens:
[New Skill: Bubble Shield (Lv.1) Acquired.]
Description: Creates a small bubble barrier to block weak attacks. Poppable with sharp sticks, angry goblins, or pointy rocks.
Perfect.
I survived a death tournament, committed an accidental goblin marriage, triggered a frog wine pregnancy, and my reward was essentially a soap bubble.
I sighed.
"Whatever… let's test it out."
The Test
I summoned the Bubble Shield.
A tiny, wobbly, rainbow-colored bubble appeared in front of me.
I poked it.
Pop.
"…"
"10/10, absolutely life-saving."
Before I could wallow in self-pity, Pibbit waddled over, carrying a wooden spoon and half a dead squirrel.
"Oi Gob… you see the signs?"
"What signs?"
He pointed to the mud by the swamp.
Someone (probably a drunk goblin) had drawn a huge frog symbol with a smiley face and the words 'Frog God Watch Us' underneath.
I blinked.
"Uh… that's just… y'know… goblin graffiti."
But then a bunch of other goblins gathered around us.
Their eyes wide.
Drooling a little.
Whispers filled the air.
"Did you see it?"
"It a sign."
"The Frog God send Gob to us."
Wait. WHAT?!
The Cult Begins
Apparently, word got around that I survived the Baby Bash, married Gringa, and made her pregnant with "blessed frog wine."
And now, these muddy lunatics thought I was a prophet.
A frog prophet.
Before I could correct them, one goblin held up a dead toad.
"Gob, what future frog sign say?"
I panicked.
Thinking fast, I pointed to a random cloud.
"Uh… it says… today we eat two breakfasts!"
The goblins gasped.
"Two… breakfasts?!"
"FROG BLESS US!"
They cheered and started devouring everything in sight.
[Quest Complete: Trick a Group of Goblins. +100 EXP]
[EXP: 130/600]
…Alright.
This might be useful.
An Honest Mistake
Later that afternoon, Ma Grugga cornered me.
"Gob! I hear you Frog Prophet now."
"Uh… technically?"
She grunted.
"Good. You lead Frog Rite tonight. Whole tribe watch."
Before I could object, she slapped a frog hat on my head and shoved me onto a tree stump.
The entire tribe gathered around.
Frog skull drums beat in the distance.
I had no plan.
No speech.
No clue what the hell a Frog Rite even was.
So I did what any goblin leader would do.
I made stuff up.
The Ceremony
"Hear me, goblins!" I shouted.
They cheered.
"The Frog God says… uh… if you throw mud at your neighbor, it bring good luck!"
Instant chaos.
Mud flew in every direction.
I dodged a particularly chunky one and yelled again.
"And… whoever catches the fattest frog tonight… get free dinner!"
More cheering.
A goblin named Splorp immediately tackled a toad.
[Quest Complete: Host a Ceremony. +150 EXP]
[EXP: 280/600]
I couldn't believe it.
This was working.
I grinned under my frog hat.
Maybe this goblin life wasn't so bad after all.