Man, mornings were a drag.
Especially after a night of writing explicit descriptions of fictional kunoichi sneaking into hot springs and seducing clueless shinobi. The curse of being a literary genius, I guess.
I yawned so hard my jaw cracked as Iruka-sensei droned on at the front of the class. Something about teamwork exercises or formation drills. Important stuff for future ninjas, apparently. But not for me. I had a deadline.
I'd barely slept — again. The latest chapter of Hot Springs of Lust: The Kunoichi's Forbidden Secret was due last night, but halfway through writing a particularly spicy bathhouse scene, I got hit with writer's block.
Took me two hours, three rice balls, and a casual stare at the moon to get back in the mood.
As expected, worth it.
Word count this week: 23,000 words.
Chakra gained: 23.
Fans increased by 72 overnight.
Not bad.
I peeked at the system window under my desk.
[Fan Count: 8,196]
Hmm. Slowly but surely.
At this rate, I'd hit 9000 before graduation. And if my sales for Volume 4 held up, maybe — just maybe — I'd be able to pick another skill. I'd been eyeing that Earth Release: Mud Wall technique one of my fans had. Good for defense, good for dramatic "suddenly a wall explodes" scenes. Classic shinobi literature trope.
As I plotted my next chapter, someone poked my shoulder.
It was Choji, munching on his third bag of barbecue-flavored chips before noon.
"Hey, Shikamaru," he whispered, bits of chip dust falling onto my desk. "Formation C or Formation D for today's drill?"
I blinked. Drill?
"Uh… which one lets me stay in the back?"
"Formation D."
"Then that."
"Got it," Choji grinned and gave me a thumbs-up before focusing back on his chips.
Good man, Choji. Loyal, dependable, and blessedly uninterested in literature of the adult persuasion.
Unlike Naruto.
Speak of the devil — the blond knucklehead was already up to something. I could tell by the way he was giggling to himself, eyes darting between Iruka-sensei and a small, suspiciously folded piece of paper in his hand.
Classic Naruto.
Five seconds later, a paper shuriken sailed through the air and thunked into Sasuke's head.
Without flinching, Sasuke turned, glared murder at Naruto, and Naruto grinned like an idiot.
Iruka-sensei yelled something about detentions.
I tuned them out.
There were clouds to watch and novels to plan.
And speaking of novels—
[Ding!]
A notification popped up in my peripheral vision.
[New Comment on Volume 4 Chapter 28]
Username: BathhouseBoss69
"Old Hag-sensei! That cliffhanger was illegal! I demand to know what happens after the kunoichi drops her towel! 5/5 stars though."
I chuckled.
These people, man.
I scrolled through a few more comments while pretending to doodle on my test paper.
'Best chapter yet, Sensei!'
'I read this in the middle of a mission… almost got caught.'
'Your work saved my marriage.'
Huh. That last one might've been a joke. Or not.
Regardless, feedback like this was worth the all-nighters. Worth the eye bags. Worth the reputation as a lazy slacker.
I was a celebrity.
A faceless, anonymous, scandalous celebrity.
No one knew the truth.
Not Naruto, not Choji, not even my old man. Kurenai-sensei would probably have an aneurysm if she found out Konoha's top-rated adult novelist was a twelve-year-old with an aversion to effort.
What a drag.
Iruka's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Alright! Pair drills outside! Move it, move it!"
Groans echoed through the classroom.
I sighed. There went my peaceful morning.
We filed out into the training yard. The sun was too bright, the grass too green, the air too fresh. Honestly offensive.
"Pair up!" Iruka called.
Choji shuffled over. As usual.
Before we could start, Naruto bounded over, practically vibrating with energy.
"Oi, Shikamaru! Let's spar!"
"Tch… what a pain," I sighed.
"C'mon! Don't be lame!"
Choji shrugged, giving me a look that said 'Better you than me.'
Traitor.
Fine.
I plodded over to the sparring circle, hands in my pockets.
Naruto cracked his knuckles. "Bet I can land a hit this time!"
I gave him a lazy smile. "Wanna bet on it?"
"Oh-ho! You're on!"
Iruka gave the go-ahead.
Naruto came at me like a whirlwind of limbs and enthusiasm. To his credit, he was faster than before. Kid had guts. Zero strategy, but plenty of guts.
I sidestepped. Yawned. Stuck out a foot.
He tripped. Ate dirt.
Iruka sighed.
"Shikamaru wins."
Naruto popped up, spitting grass, grinning. "Next time for sure!"
"Yeah, yeah."
Back to cloud-watching.
Later, as I lay in the shade of a tree pretending to nap while actually brainstorming chapter titles, Choji flopped down beside me.
"Man, you're lucky," he said between bites. "You never get in trouble. You barely move. It's like… you're invisible to teachers."
I smirked. "Talent, Choji. Takes years of practice."
If only he knew.
Another ding from the system.
[New Sales: +320 copies]
[+3 Stat Points Available]
Nice.
I allocated them without hesitation.
+2 to Luck.
+1 to Intelligence.
You never knew when a lucky break might save your neck.
Stats updated. Power creeping even higher.
Still no one suspected.
Good.
Another day, another chapter to write.
Another opportunity to rule Konoha's adult literature scene from the shadows.
Man… what a drag.
But hey — at least it paid well.