I woke up today with the same groggy feeling as usual.
Because naturally, I'd stayed up past midnight.
Again.
Why? Simple. Volume 5 of Hot Springs of Lust: The Kunoichi's Forbidden Secret Sequel wasn't going to write itself. And frankly, that cliffhanger I'd left readers on last chapter was so diabolical I almost felt bad.
Almost.
I yawned and rolled over to check my system.
[Fan Count: 8,972]
Oho.
A smug little grin crept onto my face.
9000 was right there.
And with it, a Skill Pick Opportunity.
Every 1000 fans let me choose a skill from one of them — so far I'd snagged a couple of fire and earth techniques no one knew I had, plus a Yin Release trick that made my writing speed faster. Called Mind's Mirage. Boosted my creative output. Very useful for steamy midnight scenes.
I stretched, shuffled to the mirror, and stared at my reflection.
"Today's graduation, huh?" I muttered, running a hand through my spiky hair.
The final day of the academy.
The day Iruka-sensei would hand out those ridiculous Konoha headbands and assign us to Genin teams.
The day every kid dreamed of.
Except me.
I mean — sure, being a ninja sounded cool when you were five. Throwing kunai, running on walls, shouting jutsu names dramatically. But then you realized it was 70% paperwork and 20% getting punched by strangers in a forest.
No thanks.
I just wanted to get through today, find a nice patch of grass, and maybe hit that 9000 fan milestone before lunch.
[Ding!]
Speak of the devil.
[New Sale: +40 copies]
[New Fan: +28]
[Fan Count: 9000 Achieved!]
Bingo.
A window popped up in front of me.
[Congratulations! Fan Milestone Reached]
Choose one skill from your fans! Fire, Earth, or Yin-type only.
Not bad for a twelve-year-old slacker.
I scrolled through the options like a kid at a candy shop.
'Fire Release: Ember Scatter.'
Meh.
'Earth Release: Mud Shield.'
Already had a similar one.
'Yin Release: Dreamscape Trap.'
That made me pause.
A genjutsu that lets me temporarily trap someone in a fake illusion world of my design for 5 seconds. Long enough to dodge, escape, or deliver a smug line before knocking them out.
Perfect for comedy.
I selected it.
[Skill Acquired: Yin Release: Dreamscape Trap]
Nice.
Now — time to pretend I cared about graduation.
At the academy yard, every kid was lined up in neat rows while Iruka-sensei read names from a scroll.
Naruto was bouncing in place like he'd downed an entire bag of sugar. Sasuke stood like someone carved from stone. Ino was glaring daggers at Sakura. Choji offered me chips.
"Big day, huh?" he said.
"Drag of a day," I replied, taking one anyway.
Iruka cleared his throat. "Alright everyone, listen up! Today, you'll officially be recognized as Genin. Congratulations!"
Polite claps. Naruto screamed, of course.
Iruka smiled. "Now, we'll assign you into three-man cells. Your teams will train together and take missions under a Jonin instructor."
I knew how this worked. They tried to balance skills and personalities. Too bad no one factored in secretly overpowered adult novelist with a massive fanbase and illicit skill set.
Iruka started calling names.
"Team 7… Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha."
Naruto pumped his fist. Sakura squealed. Sasuke grunted.
Iruka continued.
"Team 8… Kiba Inuzuka, Shino Aburame, Hinata Hyuga."
Boring.
Then—
"Team 10… Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi, Ino Yamanaka."
Ah, figures.
I gave Choji a lazy nod. He grinned back.
Ino, of course, looked like she'd bitten a lemon.
"Why do I have to be with you two?" she whined.
Because destiny's a troll, that's why.
"Your Jonin leader will be Asuma Sarutobi," Iruka finished.
Interesting.
Asuma was alright. Smelled like cigarettes and always looked tired. Could probably appreciate a good story. I mentally jotted down a note to maybe make him a character in my next novel. Smoky Jonin, tragic backstory, secretly good at poker…
Not bad.
Iruka went on, but I tuned him out.
I had stats to check.
[Current Stats]
Strength: 82
Agility: 150
Intelligence: 121
Constitution: 86
Wisdom: 85
Luck: 104
Charisma: 31
Chakra Reserves: Jonin-level
Disgusting numbers for a fresh Genin.
And no one had a clue.
After the ceremony, as everyone was milling around, I snuck off to my favorite tree.
Time for some peace and maybe—
[Ding!]
Another system message.
[New Comment on Volume 5 Chapter 3]
Username: SmokingTiger
"Old Hag-sensei, you are a genius! I laughed, I cried, I… well, my lover caught me reading, but it was worth it!"
Heh.
Wait… SmokingTiger?
Wasn't that… Asuma's gambling alias? I'd overheard him muttering about losing ryo under that name once.
Oh no.
Oh no, no, no.
Was one of my Jonin instructors a fan?!
I slowly raised my head, scanning the yard.
Asuma was leaning against a fence, reading a book.
A very familiar orange-covered book.
That smug grin.
The chuckle.
I was doomed.
If this guy ever finds out it's me…
I swear, the system better give me bonus points for surviving this madness.
Another ding.
[New Sale: +10 copies]
I sighed.
What a drag.