There were many unspoken rules Rei had learned since awakening in this absurdly luxurious, hormone-charged madhouse disguised as a duke's estate.
Rule #1: Never accept food from a girl whose eyes sparkle when she says "surprise."
Rule #2: If a door is locked, it is locked for a reason. And the reason is probably terrifying.
Rule #3: Never—under any circumstances—follow Lilia when she says, "I have something to show you."
Today, Rei broke all three.
It started innocently. Too innocently.
"Rei~♡," Lilia had called, her voice sing-songing down the hallway like a siren luring a particularly gullible sailor to his doom. "I need your help with... a surprise~"
Rei, being the aforementioned gullible sailor, had looked up from his book—"101 Ways To Fake Your Own Death And Escape Obsessive Fiancées, Vol. 3"—and made the mistake of meeting her eyes.
Big mistake.
Lilia stood in the doorway with the expression of someone who had just discovered the cure to loneliness and named it "Marriage with Rei." She clutched her hands behind her back and swayed gently like a tulip full of red flags.
"No," Rei said automatically.
Lilia pouted. "You haven't even heard what it is!"
"I don't need to," he replied. "Your last 'surprise' involved dragging me into a bridal rehearsal with puppets dressed as your sisters."
"It was a thematic presentation," she said indignantly. "Art is subjective."
"Art doesn't usually involve voice recordings of me saying 'I do' on a loop!"
"Just come with me," she insisted sweetly. "You'll love it. I promise~"
Which led to Rule #4: Never trust someone who promises you'll "love it" while giggling.
And yet, Rei found himself being pulled down the hallway by Lilia's ironclad grip, her manicured nails practically sparkling with excitement. Each step echoed ominously against the marble floor as they descended into a rarely-used wing of the mansion.
"Lilia," Rei said, eyeing the increasingly dusty paintings and cobwebbed chandeliers, "why does this hallway feel like it's been redacted from the floor plans?"
"Oh, it's just one of the storage wings. No one really comes here~"
"Then why are there fresh roses lining the hallway?"
"I'm a woman of aesthetics, Rei~"
They stopped in front of a large oak door sealed with five different locks and a rune-engraved magical seal glowing faintly red.
Rei squinted. "Is that a ward against divine interference?"
"Mhm! Goddess Eris kept peeking. Rude."
"Why did you need five locks?"
"Four wasn't enough," Lilia said cheerfully. "One of them is coded to your heartbeat!"
"WHAT."
Before he could say another word, Lilia pressed his hand to a crystal panel beside the door. It beeped, glowed pink, and the locks clicked open one by one.
Rei's instincts screamed. His inner alarm system went off like a howling banshee.
Too late.
The doors creaked open with the ominous groan of a dungeon gate.
Inside, lit by chandeliers and soft pink candles, was...
A shrine.
A horror shrine.
A life-sized dollhouse.
"Oh gods," Rei whispered, stepping inside. "What the hell—"
The room was massive. Lined with mannequins.
But not just any mannequins.
Each one was Rei.
Or at least, a terrifyingly accurate replica.
Rei in a white tuxedo with golden embroidery. Rei in a traditional Eastwind ceremonial wedding robe. Rei in a knight's dress uniform with a heart stitched over the chest. Rei in a velvet suit, holding a bouquet. Rei in a honeymoon bathrobe embroidered with the words "Mr. & Mrs. Lilia."
Some of them were smiling. Some had eyes that glowed faintly. All were positioned like grooms waiting at the altar.
"Do you like it?" Lilia asked brightly.
Rei stumbled backward into a mannequin that looked like him in a tuxedo with angel wings.
"W-Why?" he croaked. "Why does this exist?"
Lilia clasped her hands and twirled. "Every bride needs to rehearse! I modeled each one after possible wedding themes. This one's a ballroom gala. That one's a garden wedding. Oh, and this one—" She pointed to a horrifying Rei doll wearing nothing but a sheer silk veil and boxer briefs. "—is for the honeymoon suite."
"I'm going to be sick."
She grabbed his hand and skipped deeper into the room. "Come look at the accessories!"
Rei stumbled along, too shocked to resist.
A table held rows of rings—each engraved with "R ♡ L"—along with love letters sealed in crimson wax, pressed flowers shaped into hearts, and—
"Are those... tuxedo capes?"
"Yes~ Matching couple versions!" She held up a pink one. "This one's yours. Mine has a rose stitched into the collar so I can smell you while we dance~"
Rei finally regained enough sanity to yank his hand away. "Lilia. This is unhinged. This is beyond obsession. This is—this is doll-based identity theft!"
"I prefer 'creative visualization of our inevitable future.'"
"I need a priest. Or a fire. Preferably both."
Lilia giggled and stepped behind a curtain. "You haven't even seen the best part!"
"No—No, I've seen enough. My soul has aged twenty years."
But she returned holding something wrapped in satin.
"I made this just for you," she whispered reverently.
She peeled the cloth away to reveal—
A wedding tuxedo. But not just any tuxedo.
It was hand-stitched. In Rei's exact measurements. With his initials embroidered in red thread at the collar. The back was lined with soft feathers, and the inside had—
He blinked.
"Are these... our baby names stitched inside the lining?"
"Mhm~" she nodded proudly. "My favorites are Ren, Rilia, and Rililirei~"
"I'm hallucinating. This is a fever dream."
She held it up to him. "Try it on~ Just the jacket!"
"Nope," Rei said, stepping back. "No thank you. Return to sender. Burn it in the nearest fireplace."
"But Rei~ it's your size! I measured while you slept~"
"That makes it worse!"
Lilia pouted. "I just want to make our wedding perfect."
"Lilia. You have five different versions of me staring at me in silence while dressed for commitment. I feel like I'm being judged by a panel of ghost grooms."
"They approve, you know."
Rei bolted.
He didn't even try to hide his panic. He just turned and ran.
"REI~!" Lilia called after him. "YOU FORGOT THE CUFFLINKS!"
"I'M NOT WEARING ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN INSIDE THIS ROOM!"
He ran through the hall, footsteps echoing, heart pounding, eyes wide with the kind of existential terror only a man fleeing from a yandere bridal showroom could feel.
Behind him, he swore he could hear faint mechanical footsteps.
The mannequins… were they moving?
No. No. Don't think about it.
He skidded into the main hallway, nearly colliding with Rosette, who was polishing a ceremonial fork.
"Master Rei?" she said with perfect calm. "Why are you sprinting through the halls half-sobbing?"
"Don't go down that hallway!" he shouted. "There are grooms in there!"
Rosette blinked slowly. "You mean dolls of you in wedding attire?"
Rei froze. "You knew?!"
"Of course," she said. "Lilia's Dollhouse of Groom Costumes. It's in the staff handbook under 'Facilities to Avoid Unless Absolutely Necessary.'"
"I need therapy. And possibly an exorcism."
Suddenly—
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION:
Mission Unlocked: "Survive the Dollhouse of Doomed Grooms"
Status: COMPLETED
Reward: +1 Awareness Point
Side Effect: Mild Panic Attacks When Seeing Formalwear]
"Of course," Rei muttered. "Of course that's a stat now."
Rosette gave him a tiny smile. "Would you like some calming tea?"
"Does it contain anything that will make me dream of tuxedo mannequins?"
"…No."
"I don't believe you."
Just then, Lilia poked her head around the corner.
"I have the veil version too~ It comes with matching slippers~!"
Rei screamed and ran for the nearest exit.
Behind him, Rosette sighed softly.
"So much drama over wedding prep," she murmured. "Boys really don't understand the effort we put in."
And in the dark hallway, the door to the Dollhouse clicked shut behind its magical seals.
But inside, the mannequins stood waiting.
Smiling.
Eternally.
To be continued…