Wait... Why's she saying all these things suddenly? Is she so upset that I came home drunk last night and I forgot everything?
"Mom... Did I... No I should apologise. About last night... I'm sorry mom. It won't happen again."
She smiles mildly but it's gloomy and feels forged.
"Why? Aren't you old enough to have your own ways? Why would you always be the perfect faultless good son?" She gets up going out of my room.
"Wait mom! We aren't finished."
"I know," she stifles a laugh. "I'm just going to make us breakfast. Come to the kitchen then. We'll talk."
I follow her. It's going to be 10 soon. Even if I run like they do in Olympics I'd still be late for class today. Screw it! Screw Damien! I'll see him tomorrow.
"Sein, do you know who named you Saint... me or dad?" She asks while stirring the egg yolks.
"You?" I can guess why.
She nods. "Not because I wanted you to be the epitome of that name. Being the perfect child. No. The name came to my head when I first got to see you... 'Oh all heavenly Saints' I whispered when I held you in my arms. You couldn't be more perfect, my little boy. I have held you for years and years..." She explains. "But I have to trust those heavenly saints. And I have to trust you."
I don't understand a thing she's saying. "What exactly happened last night mom?"
"Someone had to shake me awake." She puts the frying pan down, wipes her hands then cups my face lovingly. "Now I'm wide awake."
What the hell does that mean? Does she know everything about me..? Did Chris tell her? But why would he... after all this time?
Her eyes appear glossy, saturated. "Promise me baby, you'll follow your heart. You won't be obscured by anyone else's shadow."
"Mom..."
"Promise me you'll be happy and it won't be forced." Her voice weakens with each word coming out of her mouth as if it's taking a lot of her efforts to talk more.
Can I? Will I? Is happiness necessary? If yes then is it easy to obtain?
••••
Later I go to the studio as per my schedule. Mom knows now. But I don't know yet who told her. She didn't say that either. Is it Damien? But he promised me he won't tell!
"Cut!"
The slate snaps again.
"Saint are you alright?" The assistant director asks.
The other guy Keith who auditioned as the second lead protagonist alongside me that day suggests Charles, "Why not take a break?" He then asks me, "Wanna drink something?
"Sure."
Mr. Charles comes to me. He looks upset. "You seem distracted today," says he.
"No it's not like that Mr. Dean. I just..."
"Can't calm your mind for the moment when it's going out of reach? I know that feeling."
Keith gives me a mango milkshake carton with a straw inside. I don't like mango drinks but it's thoughtful of him. Keith's a nice guy. Dedicated, responsible, good looking and attentive. He's a good actor too.
"Thanks Keith."
"Are you sure you can focus now?" Mr. Charles asks. He worries about me too.
"I'm good to go." I can do this. "Let's retake again."
••••
The next day I arrive at school early. Last night was stressful. How can someone be so tired and sleepless at the same time?
Anyway. I'll confront both of them today. I'm surprised that none of them called yet. Are they avoiding me? Well they won't be successful in that.
I slide the door open. Chris isn't here . Neither is that blockhead and his group. I've come way too early today.
"Hi Saint!" Donna waves from the hallway.
As I come forward she says again, "What's on your mind? You look restless."
"I am."
"You could've skipped today."
Seeing me not responding she speaks slowly, "You know Saint... We haven't been having a talk since..."
"I joined the film crew, I know. It's not easy for me to manage both either. It's the last year anyway... So I didn't want to quit."
"You are talented Saint. And I'm not saying this because you're my good friend or you are suddenly in the world of fame."
I quirk an eye at her. "What else is there then? My looks?" I frown at the thought of her saying yes.
"Nooo. You've got a good heart under there," she pokes at my chest.
"You love getting handsy hm?" I laugh.
"Damn right. You know me. But seriously Saint, you just don't know yet but a lot of people secretly admires you-for who you are. Just...try to open your heart once in a while and you'll see."
"You sound like someone I know," I say thinking about mom's words.
"You know Sein, I'm not complaining about anything... Just something I thought you needed to hear," she said, "There are people who come in our life with their own intentions while some come with a unique charm. They hold the power to bring change. You'll have to understand the difference between these two."
Donna pats on my forearm. "Class is about to start. I'm heading back to my room."
When she's leaving Damien with his gang heads towards me.
His eyes meet mine. "Hi there Saint. Were you waiting for me?"
He's acting like nothing happened.
"I thought you were dead," I remark in contempt. "You've been like a ghost since the day before yesterday."
"Don't mind him Saint. He's like that." Mika rolls his eyes at Damien.
His face shrinks as if he didn't expect me to call him out like that.
"Alright what are you people huddling at the door for?" Mrs. George speaks loudly from behind.
Ah we're blocking the doorway. We enter into the class together.
"I'm barely focusing. Why the heck Chris's absent today?" I mutter to myself. "Is he scared that I'll punch him? When will the period end? Why is she blabbering too much today?"
"Hey... you don't want professor to make you stand right?" The demon I hate whispers from my back.
"What?"
"Stop tapping your foot like that."
I didn't know I was doing that.
"What's your problem Damien? I didn't even want to come today."
"Just bear with it for the time being. Wanna bunk the rest of the classes?"
"With you?" I give a small empty laugh. "Not a chance you demon."
He grins. "Don't you know we're an unbeatable pair, Saint Angel?"
He's too confident and I hate it. Cocky savage mule.
••••
As second class comes to an end I sprint out of the hall.
Now I'm standing alone outside of the library. One minute with him and him pretending that everything's normal is gonna drive me nuts. How can he!? Is nothing going on between us? Why-why did he do that to me?
I phone Chris. Ah the line's busy dammit!
I watch Damien heading this way.
I can't do this. Up until now I've been wanting to have a talk-giving him a piece of my mind but... I just can't.
"Oi! Why did you suddenly run off?" He asks. He's carrying the guitar on his back. He'll bunk classes for sure and probably will sit somewhere quiet to play that thing.
"None of your business."
He shoots me a fixed domineering stare which would convince me that he's wanting to say-'Everything is my business'.
"All morning you looked like you were sulking-like some uncertain anxiety was eating at you. Now you pretend it's nothing?"
"I never said it's nothing!" I assert. "And how much time do you waste stealing glances at me anyway anyway?"
But he dodges my second question and sticks to the first reply I gave. "If it's not nothing then what is it?"
What's wrong with me? Isn't this what I wanted? To confront him. What's stopping me now?
Chris returns my previous call. I take it as an excuse to walk away fast away from him.
"Hey where are you?" I ask Chris. "We need to talk."
Damien runs up to me then snatches my phone. "No. We need to talk-whatever you're suppressing within you." He then says to Chris, "Sorry buddy but that'll have to wait." He ends the call.
"Hey give it back!"
"Guys..!" Mika yells from the far. "We're headed to room 23."
Zeb waves at him. "We're waiting Boss."
"I'll go later," says Damien carelessly as if it's not important right now.
"What is wrong with you guys again?" Mika shouts then his eyes fall on me.
"Nothing Mika." I whisper to Damien, "For now do as I say."
He smirks. "I like it when you're like this."
"We are coming with you," I say pulling Damien towards the way they're heading.
Everyone's here. Class A and B. Todd faces the cheerleading group and everyone else who's a fan of Four of Clubs in our academy. Normally Damien would do the talking but today... He's out of sync.
This is the second biggest room and is mostly used for group meetings and practices when most rooms are occupied.
"Guys! Be quiet for a second." Todd speaks loudly.
But the girls are always so chaotic.
"Saint and Damien..." Those girls yell in chorus. "Ahhh Saint and Damien... They're cute together!!!"
Jeez! It's going to make me puke.
"I've been shipping them since the beginning of this year." Loud whispers fall.
Damn... Does they think...
"Alright my friends-bring this exact bucket of enthusiasm when the big day comes. We have very less time left for the event. What do you say guys??!!" Todd's zealous commanding voice rings throughout the room.
"Yeahhh we're ready!" Everyone joins. "M.H will be outstanding!!!"
"Hah he's saying that like his team's gonna win." Someone from class B comments.
"Are you gonna pick up a fight now?" Someone from our class screams back fiercely.
"Agh! Stop it already. We want all of us to give it all we have." He steers the attention back to himself. "Deep down We all want the same thing. Tell me I'm wrong. But we have to win-this year-to make M.H proud. To give Elves what they deserve."
"Yeahhh for M.H," the crowd roars again. "For us!!!"
Ahh that was earful. A fish market literally. He sure knows to give a speech and draw attention.
••••
When the final meeting ends and it's time for me to head home Damien glances at me thoughtfully. He's not going to let it go.
"Stay for a drink." Zeb playfully smacks on my back.
"You're saying this? Color me surprised."
"Oh trust me Saint, we can come around." He cocks his eyebrows at Damien. "It's about Boss after all."
"Whatever do you mean?"
He says nothing.
"Hey guys what do you wanna drink?" Todd asks everyone. "I have a few options here.'
"We're okay with anything," they say. A blonde girl calls Zeb over and he leaves.
Everyone's drinking soda. Damien's having his classic.
I'm done here. I better sneak out quickly before they keep me longer.
I bump into Chris on my way out. "Hey where were you?!"
"You didn't see me?" Chris squints. "I was here this whole time. Then again it's hard to find anyone in this bunch of people."
"Chris..." I grab his hand. "Come with me."
"Where?"
We come out. "Did you take me home last night?"
He chews on his lips.
"Did you or did you not?" I demand. I'm losing my last bit of patience.
"I did. But..."
"But? Why's there a but?"
"Cause I was there too. I was the one who came up with this idea." Damien appears.
So I was right. Awesome...
Chris releases himself from my grip. "I think you should clear things up with him Saint."
"I expected better from you Chris." I snap. "Do you know what he did?" I grab Damien by his shirt.
Damien encloses his fist around my hand. "Someone had to do it."