Prologue
A light.
A strange noise.
A dull thud.
That's how Akira Usagi, an average student, manga enthusiast, and proud owner of a freshly bought limited edition volume, became a king.
"Where… am I?"
He opened his eyes.
There was… a ceiling. A high, cracked ceiling covered in cobwebs, with a chandelier dangling so precariously it looked like it might fall out of sheer boredom.
He looked down. He was sitting.
On a throne soaked with stagnant water.
"Is this… a joke? I just bought these pants!"
Ding-dong~
A sound rang out of nowhere, and the phone in his pocket started vibrating—as if, miraculously, it had signal in this absurd world.
He pulled it out, curious… and his face immediately twisted into pure hatred.
"Damn scammer femboy!"
On the screen, a message from the so-called "god" who summoned him:
Uzaki: Good morning, Otaku-kun! This is your welcome message to your new kingdom and the SPN System.
Uzaki: I'm sure you've got tons of questions, but reception here sucks. So... good luck and max effort, Otaku-kun!
"That wasn't our deal!" Akira shouted. But there was no reply option. The message was one-way. Divine and cowardly.
So he did what any emotionally mature person would do in a crisis:
He opened his contacts list… and changed the name.
FemGod. Confirm.
He laughed.
He laughed like a lunatic. Like a villain in a gag anime who just pulled off the most ridiculous evil plan ever.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… That's what you get for summoning me without asking, Femboy-sama!"
At that exact moment, another notification popped up, interrupting his brief moment of petty triumph.
SPN: Story Parody Narrative System ACTIVATED
"Congratulations! You've been mistakenly summoned and crowned as King of Faraluz. How awkward."
"Intro event unlocked: 'Unwanted Coronation.'"
Akira blinked.
Conditions to complete the event: Stand up from the throne and deliver a convincing speech.
Failure penalty: Uncontrollable hiccups for 24 hours. Narrative tier: embarrassing.
"…What?"
"Your Majesty!" cried a bright voice.
A figure floated in front of him—small, pink, and sparkly. A fairy. Her wings shimmered with unnecessary flair, and she wore a bow so big it looked heavier than her entire body.
"I'm Minu, your guide, your legally-unapproved assistant… and the only one who took this job. I'm unemployed, and my resume doesn't help."
She handed him a crumpled, nearly blank sheet of paper.
Name: Minu
Age: That's rude to ask a lady.
Skills: Sleeping eight hours straight.
Experience: None.
The rest was just empty space. There was even a smudge of jam in one corner.
Akira blinked. Twice.
"…Are you serious?"
"As serious as this kingdom's budget," she said, arms crossed with fake pride. "Now get up. You've got a presentation to ruin."
Another notification buzzed through the air.
"KING DETECTED! Initializing welcome protocol…"
A backdrop dropped from the ceiling with low-res fireworks printed on it, followed by a burst of cheap confetti. An old recording played with metallic echo:
"Welcome, glorious monarch of Faraluz, chosen by divine design—or clerical error. From this day forward, this crumbling castle shall be your home… and legal prison!"
"…What is all this?"
"The kingdom's official welcome message," Minu replied nonchalantly, twirling midair.
"Uzaki didn't tell you? You were supposed to be the shining hero who saves us from ruin."
"…This is a nightmare."
"And what kingdom?"
"There's no one here! What is this, the Realm of the Undead? Phantom of the Empty Throne?"
"This place is emptier than a theater showing MagicalDeer and the Seven Wolf-Bros on opening night."
"That really was a terrible movie," Minu added.
"Well, since you're here, you should meet your first subordinate."
"Wait—there are people living in a place like this?"
The door burst open.
A tall, elegant figure entered with purposeful steps. She had snow-white hair and ice-blue eyes, and wore a spotless maid uniform. Her gaze radiated a lethal mix of adoration… and chaos.
"Master Akira… you've finally arrived… Please, allow me… to serve you… for all eternity..."
Akira's heart stopped.
Not from love.
Not from nerves.
But from a dangerous cocktail of fear… and respect.
Around her neck, she wore a pendant with a tiny magical coin, which slipped off and hit the floor, spinning with a metallic clink…
It flipped one last time in the air—
and landed showing the side with a red rose.
Cling!
In an instant, the maid's eyes turned pink.
Her now-pink hair shifted in shape.
Her sweet expression twisted into something… intense.
"WHAT are you staring at, you useless bunny?! Get up! This castle's a disaster, you've got work to do, and someone needs to whip this place into shape. Obviously, that'll be me."
Akira wanted to scream.
But all he could do was raise his trembling hands.
"Why did she turn into a delinquent so fast?! Who are you?!"
"Cecilia Hanamura," she replied, arms crossed with queen-like arrogance. "Your maid. Your shadow. Your waifu-shaped trauma."
She stepped forward, eyes glowing with delicious menace.
"And you've got three seconds to stop looking at me like that… or I'll bite you."
She flashed her fangs in a smile as sharp as her attitude.
"…Damn, miss. Where did the moe girl from five seconds ago go?"
SPN System Log Updated:"First Scare from Bipolar Maid – Achievement Unlocked!"
Minu clapped with her tiny sparkling hands.
"Welcome to Faraluz, Your Majesty! The most forgotten, most ridiculous, and most high-risk-of-comedic-collapse kingdom in all dimensions. What happens next… is up to you!"
Akira stood up slowly.
Brushed the dust off his clothes.
Looked at the fairy.
Looked at the maid.
"…I feel scammed."