When you're a goblin baby, life is simple.
Eat. Sleep. Don't get stepped on. Try not to drown in mud puddles.
For the first few days, that's all I did. The goblin lady who called herself "Ma Grugga" shoved rotten mushrooms in my mouth and called it a meal. The other babies mostly rolled around or gnawed on rocks. One kid named Pibbit choked on a frog once. He lived though. Goblins are built different.
But me? I had a secret.
[Goblin Progenitor System Online.]
Yeah, it was still there. Taunting me. Every time I blinked too long, the floating text would appear, like a popup ad you couldn't skip.
[Daily Quest: Punch a tree! Reward: 5 EXP]
Alright. Easy enough.
I waddled over to the nearest tiny stick of a tree, raised my tiny goblin fist, and gave it the weakest slap in history.
Pak.
[Quest Complete. +5 EXP]
Good. Progress.
I grinned to myself. At this rate, maybe I could—
[Skill Unlock: 0/1 Pregnancies.]
…Wait, what?
I blinked. Opened the system window. Scrolled through the menus (or well, stared at them, since I still couldn't read goblin language).
Skills: None
Available Skills: Locked (Requires Pregnancy Count: 1)
Quests give EXP. Skills require… making someone pregnant.
I double-checked. Rubbed my eyes. It didn't change.
"WHAT KIND OF SYSTEM IS THIS?!" I screamed, but it came out like, "GYYEEAAAH!!"
A nearby goblin smacked me with a fishbone. "Quiet, baby."
I plopped back down in the dirt.
So let's get this straight.
I can grind EXP by doing dumb stuff like punching trees or wrestling frogs… but no skills. No cool moves. No fireballs. No healing. Not even a passive like '+1 Stamina'.
The only way to unlock a skill is if I get someone pregnant.
And I'm three days old.
Even worse — the other goblins don't even know about the system. I tried telling them once, but it came out like, "Gyeeek blurgh gob."
They just laughed and threw me into a pile of moldy cabbage.
Great. Legendary protagonist right here.
So I did what any responsible goblin baby with a ridiculous breeding system would do.
I grinded stupid quests.
I headbutted a rock: +5 EXP.
I caught a frog: +10 EXP.
I stole food from a sleeping goblin: +15 EXP.
I survived getting hit by a falling log: +20 EXP.
At the end of the day, my system EXP bar looked like this:
[EXP: 105/500 (Next Level: 500)]
And my skill list still said:
[Skills: None (Pregnancy Count: 0/1)]
I flopped onto a pile of hay, glaring at the invisible text like it owed me money.
"This system's the worst."
Suddenly, a goblin kid named Gruk came over and farted in my face.
Yup.
This was my life now.