: "Influencer by Association (and a Bird with an Agent)"
Zoe had always wanted recognition.
A little validation. A polite, "Hey, I like your content," from someone who wasn't related to her or trying to sell her a seaweed scrub.
So when an email popped into her inbox with the subject line:
"Panel Invite – Content Creators Shaping the Future",
she almost dropped her phone in her tea.
She ran through the living room screaming like she'd won a car on a game show, only to be greeted by Pauline who was trying to deep condition her scalp with a beetroot smoothie.
"Read it! Read it!" Zoe waved her phone like a flag.
Pauline, eyebrows tinted purple, squinted at the screen.
"Oh how lovely! They want you to speak!"
She hugged Zoe tightly. "I knew the seaweed glow would rub off on you."
Zoe blinked. "What does seaweed have to do with this?"
Pauline paused. "Wait… did they say Zoe Achieng, or Zoe, my radiant niece and assistant to the Wellness Oracle of Westlands?"
Zoe slowly reread the email.
And that's when she saw it. In bold.
> "We're thrilled to host you and your aunt, Auntie Pauline, at our Wellness Creators Panel next Saturday."
Zoe sank into the couch. "They think I'm… you?"
Sir Squawksalot shrieked from the curtain rod, "IMPOSTER SYNDROME!"
---
Meanwhile… Sir Squawksalot Goes Viral
Unknown to anyone, the parrot had been using Pauline's phone to record accidental Reels. One in particular—him dancing to a remixed version of a meditation chant—was picked up by a popular page called Birds Who Slay.
It got 1.2 million views.
Suddenly, brands were emailing Sir Squawksalot. One wanted him to model tiny sunglasses. Another wanted a TikTok dance collab.
Zoe stared at the bird as he posed for photos next to a cup of spirulina tea.
"This house isn't real," she muttered. "I'm being punked."
---
Panel Day Pandemonium
Despite her objections, Zoe found herself at the panel event—wearing a loose silk shirt, holding a borrowed mic, and sitting next to her aunt who was in full "Wellness Oracle" regalia. Her outfit involved seven scarves, beads from three continents, and inexplicably, a flute.
The host introduced them like royalty.
"Let's welcome Auntie Pauline, the High Priestess of Positivity! And her niece, Zoe, co-founder of Rent-Free Healing!"
Zoe opened her mouth to protest. Pauline gently squeezed her knee and whispered, "Just say you believe in moon water. They'll eat it up."
One of the panelists asked, "Zoe, as a digital wellness creator, how do you center yourself in chaos?"
Zoe took a deep breath.
"Well," she said slowly, "I scream into a rice sack in the pantry. Then I block everyone and drink lemon water with vengeance."
The crowd clapped.
Pauline beamed.
---
Aftermath: Weird Fame
Zoe went home, confused and mildly famous.
Her inbox was now filled with messages like:
> "Where can I buy your anger rice sack?"
"Do you do guided scream meditations?"
"You and your aunt have such raw healing energy."
The worst part?
Sir Squawksalot got a brand deal before Zoe ever did.
A pet accessory company sent over a custom influencer kit: sunglasses, a hat, and a miniature LED ring light.
Pauline announced, "My son is a star."
Zoe sighed, eating bread with avocado like it was therapy.