I always knew I'd die in a stupid way. But this? This takes the cake, the whole bakery, and probably Zhongli's mora too.
It started like any other blessed Genshin-obsessed day. I was walking along the sidewalk, earphones in, blissfully ignoring the world around me while listening to some dude rant about Khaenri'ah lore. You know, the usual YouTube rabbit hole theories—"What if The Primordial One actually lost?" "What if Celestia is lying?" "What if Paimon is the final boss?" Okay, that last one... might be real.
I was even mumbling to myself like the sane human being I totally am: "Well, if the Primordial One lost, that would explain why everything's so sketchy in Teyvat. And honestly, it would be peak drama if Gold was actually right all along. Like, give me that spicy betrayal arc!"
That's when I did it. The forbidden move. I opened my phone and tapped on Genshin Impact. I wanted to admire my pride and joy. My man. My king. Kamisato Ayato.
"Look at that crit ratio," I whispered, eyes sparkling. "86.6% crit rate with 237% crit damage. You're disgusting. I love you."
I was about to test out his damage output with Furina, Xilonen, and Kazuha when I felt a presence. A vibration. A sound. A deep, sinister rumbling...
TRUCK.
I looked up just in time to see the front of the vehicle yeeting me into the next zip code.
Time slowed down. My body flew. My phone stayed glued to my hand like it was forged by Ei herself. I could hear people screaming, calling ambulances, panicking. But all I could think about was—
"Damn it... I never got to C6R5 Ayato..."
Darkness. Pain. Confusion. A feeling of betrayal, not from death, but from RNG.
And then... a headache. A strong one. The kind you get after losing 50/50 to Qiqi three times in a row.
I groaned, eyes fluttering open. Where the heck was I? Grass? Trees? Sky that looked... too HD? No concrete jungle. No honking cars. Just weirdly crisp nature graphics. I sat up, blinking.
"What in the..." I muttered, checking my surroundings. "Did I... survive?"
And then I saw it.
A slime.
Not a big one. A small, bouncing little Dendro slime, wiggling in front of me like a leafy gummy bear with too much energy.
"No. No freaking way. That looks way too familiar."
My brain, already fragile, short-circuited like a pyro abyss mage caught in a hydro tornado.
"I'm in Teyvat?" I said out loud. "I'M IN TEYVAT!?"
I stared at the slime. It stared at me. I screamed. It jiggled. I screamed louder. Then it lunged a little and I shrieked like a hilichurl who just saw Venti.
Panicking, I looked around for anything—anything—to defend myself. A sword? A vision? A fatui delusion maybe? Nope. Just a stick.
With the finesse of someone who has watched too many anime fight scenes, I grabbed the stick and whacked the slime like it owed me primogems.
"DIE, LEAFY SCUM!"
It took three hits and a lot of screaming, but I won. The slime burst in a little puff of leaves and disappointment with materials.
Panting, I sat back down on the grass.
"Okay. So. I'm in Teyvat. No food. No Mora. No Hydro Daddy Ayato to save me. Great."
Instinctively, I patted my pocket. And lo and behold—my phone.
"HOLY—THANK BARBATOS!"
I yanked it out, heart racing. I opened it, praying to the Seven it worked. There was only one app installed.
Genshin Impact.
"Huh?"
I tapped on it, expecting the usual loading screen. But instead, the app opened to a character menu.
And then...
I saw me.
Like, full-on character menu. There I was—medium-length black hair, hoodie, blue eyes sparkling like I was about to ruin someone's lore theory. Underneath it said:
Name: Shigeru
Vision:None (Rude)
Weapon: Stick (Double rude)
Constellation: ???
I stared at the screen, slowly nodding. "So... I'm a five-star now. Cool, cool, totally normal day."
I grinned. A big, unhinged, anime-protagonist-tier grin.
"I really am in Teyvat..."
And that's when it hit me.
This is insane.
I'M IN FREAKING TEYVAT.
LET'S GOOOOOOO.
I dusted myself up, still wheezing from the post-slimethrowdown cardio, and started walking.
No idea where I was going. No map. No Paimon. Just vibes and a rapidly increasing fear that I'd get murdered by a Mitachurl before I found Mondstadt.
But then my stomach growled.
"Of course. Teyvat's hospitality includes starvation. Great."
I foraged like a raccoon in someone's backyard. Some berries, a mushroom, possibly poisonous. Whatever. I was too hungry to care.
I plopped down under a tree and opened the app again. This time, there was something new.
Quest: Survive Day 1 in Teyvat
"Wow. Even my phone's judging me."
I tapped it and it gave me a mini map. A very janky one, but it showed a path. Looked like it led toward Windrise.
"Mondstadt... I'm coming, baby."
As I walked, I kept checking my character page.
No talents. No burst. No skill. Just basic attacks. My description literally said:
A mysterious outlander who appeared in Teyvat one day. Nobody knows how he got here, including himself.
"Bro I got isekai'd and roasted by the devs."
Suddenly, rustling.
I froze. Not the anime kind of freeze where the wind blows dramatically and the camera zooms in on your eyes. No. I froze like a WiFi router during a thunderstorm.
Out stepped... a boar.
It snorted.
"Hey, little piggy, we don't have to—"
It charged.
I screamed and bolted.
Stick? Gone.
Diginty? Also gone.
I ran like a low-AR player avoiding Stormterror. I dodged, tripped, rolled, and finally jumped over a log where the boar, thankfully, gave up and wandered off.
I collapsed on the ground. "Teyvat sucks. Zero out of ten. No primogems."
And then, my phone vibrated.
New Quest: Find Shelter Before Nightfall
"Oh, so it's Minecraft rules now. Cool, cool."
Yeah, I said that out loud. I don't know why. Maybe because it was the only thing that made sense in the absurdity of the situation. Honestly, I think I was starting to lose touch with reality. I mean, it was kind of like Minecraft, right?
The whole "find shelter, survive the night" vibe. Except instead of creepers, there were Dendro slimes and, well, who knows what else lurked in the forests of Teyvat.
The sound of rustling grass and leaves under my boots seemed like the only thing keeping me tethered to... well, whatever this world was. I had to keep moving. One, because it was getting darker by the minute, and two, because I still had no clue where I was going.
Eventually, I stumbled upon a small clearing. It was quiet, a little too quiet, but at this point, I was just grateful to find something that didn't look like it was going to eat me. It looked like... a camp?
A small tent, a pot hanging from a makeshift rack, and a crate. But the crate was a little... off. It was filled with apples, but something about them was suspicious. They were shiny, almost too shiny, and they looked like they'd been left there for a while.
"Should I be eating random apples in a world where Dendro slimes exist?" I muttered to myself, eyeing the crate. "Well who cares? Food is food."
Still, I wasn't about to let this opportunity slip by. There was a tent. And that was probably the most important thing right now. I wasn't about to sleep under the stars, not when I was likely one bad encounter away from getting shredded by some over-leveled monster.
So I walked over to the tent. It looked... old, but not in a dangerous way. It was more like the type of tent someone might've set up to take a nap and then just... never came back.
Maybe they were off on an adventure. Or maybe they got caught by one of those absurdly strong hilichurls. Either way, the tent was mine now. Temporary ownership, but still ownership.
I crawled inside, tossing my phone on the ground next to me as I lay back, staring up at the tent's fabric. There was no point in denying it—I was here now. In Teyvat. In Genshin Impact. The world where anything could happen.
"I really got hit by a truck and thrown into Teyvat... I'm either cursed or the luckiest guy alive," I said with a short laugh, not sure if I should be crying or laughing at this point.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket again, still grinning like a maniac. It felt like something I should be doing in an emergency situation, like checking your phone when you're trying to escape an apocalypse or... finding out that your in-game profile is actually your real profile.
"Shigeru, huh..." I muttered, looking at the character screen. There I was, standing with my hands crossed like I was about to make some heroic speech. At least I was level 1, which made sense. Perfect, I had no stats, no gear, and no idea how to do anything. Great.
But then, my brain kicked in. What if I actually could level up? Maybe this was my chance to actually do all the things I'd ever dreamed of in Teyvat. Become a famous warrior. Finally get that Ayato pull. The whole shebang.
"Maybe this wouldn't be so bad." I smiled to myself, feeling a bit more hopeful. You can do this, Shigeru. You're in Teyvat. And you're not dead. Yet.
But there was one little problem.
Sleep.
The tent wasn't terrible, but it wasn't exactly five-star luxury either. I rolled over onto my side and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to ignore the fact that my stomach was still growling. My phone was still in my hand, and I clicked the screen again to check on my character's stats. Maybe there was something I could work with... somehow.
"Alright, buddy, time for some thinking. We need to survive the night, and then we need to figure out where the hell we are. But first—" I glanced at the crate of apples again. "—I need food."
I sighed dramatically. Should I really trust these apples? It was a questionable decision, but the grumbling in my stomach overruled my common sense. I reached for one and inspected it for a moment.
"...It's just an apple, Shigeru. What's the worst that could happen?"
I took a cautious bite.
The taste was... surprisingly sweet. Too sweet.
"Wait—did I just eat a magical apple or some weird fruit that might kill me? Oh, no..." I muttered, looking around, wondering if I should start running or just prepare for a slow, painful death.
But no. Nothing happened. I swallowed the apple and felt the tiniest bit of energy return to my body.
"Maybe I'm just overreacting. These apples are fine." I chuckled, but then the thought hit me. "Do I even know how to get back to Mondstadt? Or do I have to... oh no... start from scratch like a random NPC?"
My mind was racing again. I couldn't just sit here forever, right? I had a phone. I had a Vision—or... I was supposed to have a Vision. Where the heck was it, anyway? And why wasn't I already sparking with power like every other main character in this game?
I tried to lie back and close my eyes. It was getting dark. The sounds of the wind and distant animals outside lulled me into something between dread and exhaustion. I was too tired to think about it anymore. Tomorrow, I'd figure things out. I would find a town. Or a city. Or at least a better tent.
Then, a thought popped into my head.
"Okay... Shigeru... before you sleep, just one more thing." I pulled my phone back out, tapping the Genshin Impact icon again, even though I'd already seen it.
And there it was again. My profile.
I stared at it one last time and open the notes.
Goal:
*Meet Ayato (Top Priority)
*Marry Nilou (2nd Top Priority)
*Handshake with Furina (Top on the List)
*Get Constellations (If I Have Mora and Primo)
*Survive (Probably)
*See The End Game (If I don't Die Early)
*Say Shut up Paimon (Definitely Would)
*Get Crushed by Wriothesley's cake (Optional)
There. That was my new goal. Because if this really was the world of Genshin Impact, then Ayato was somewhere out there, and I was going to find him. And maybe, just maybe, he'd give me a proper weapon so I could start my revenge on those stupid Dendro slimes.
But first... sleep.
And possibly therapy from Mizuki later. She'd probably laugh her ass off at my situation. Probably.
__________________________________________________
End of Chapter 1.
Quest Completed: Survive
Reward: One slightly bruised ego, and a half-eaten apple