"So... are we going to Liyue now?" Lumine asked as we strolled down the road like a suspiciously cheerful RPG party that definitely isn't about to be mugged by random world mobs.
She looked at me with those very serious, twin-searching eyes. You know the kind. Like she was about to put up a Missing Poster on every tree in Teyvat.
"Yeah," I said, nodding sagely, hands behind my head like I was in a slice-of-life anime. "We're going to Liyue, alright. But let's get one thing clear—your twin bro with the mysterious fashion sense and unresolved personality issues? He's definitely not there anymore."
Lumine blinked. "What?"
"He's somewhere out there," I gestured vaguely to the horizon like I had a GPS signal to the Abyss. "Probably monologuing dramatically in a cave or summoning darkness or something."
Paimon floated closer, frowning. "Then why are we going to Liyue?!"
"To prepare, obviously."
"For what?"
I grinned. "For more action-packed battles involving the Millelith, Fatui dudes, more Millelith, even more Fatui dudes, and—" I leaned in dramatically, "—for some reason, a ginger guy who looks like Ed Sheeran but replaces guitars with a bow and arrows, violence, and abs."
Both Lumine and Paimon stared at me like I grew a second Vision out of my forehead.
"A what now?" Lumine asked.
"Who's Ed Sheeran?" Paimon added.
I put a hand on both their shoulders and smiled mysteriously. "You'll see soon. Trust me. You can't unsee him."
Paimon looked nervous. "That sounds ominous."
"Anyway!" I clapped my hands together. "First, we need new powers! You know, so we don't get bodybagged by the next boss fight."
So we marched onward toward Dihua Marsh. Our mission. Get that sweet, sweet Geo juice from the Geo Daddy himself—Zhongli. Or, at the very least, his rock-shaped Wi-Fi tower.
Of course, no journey is complete without being ambushed by nature's worst neighbors: Hilichurls.
"REEEEYAAHHH!!" One of them shouted as it jumped out of a bush.
I threw a rock at it. "Shut up, Steve!"
"Steve?" Lumine raised an eyebrow.
"I've decided to name the Hilichurls. This one's Steve. That one over there with the crossbow? Karen."
"Why Karen?"
"Because she keeps complaining and trying to shoot me."
Cue a chaotic five-minute brawl featuring exploding slimes, wind gusts, and me accidentally punting a Hilichurl into a tree. Lumine sliced clean through three with one swipe like a Beyblade of judgment.
Paimon yelled from a safe height, "Watch out! Slime behind you!"
Too late. It jumped. I caught it. And yeeted it into a pond.
"...Did you just throw a Hydro Slime into water?" Lumine asked.
"Yeah. Let it live its best life."
Eventually, after dodging one too many ice arrows to the shin and faceplanting from a rolling Electro Slime -I tripped, okay?!-, we finally reached the Statue of The Seven.
It stood tall. Proud. Glowing. Like a nightlight for overpowered adventurers.
I placed my hand on it.
A warm surge of power flowed through me. Geo energy. Solid. Reliable. Rock-themed.
"Behold," I whispered, "I have been blessed by Dwayne 'The Rock' Archon."
Lumine placed her hand too and nodded as the energy resonated through her.
Then something weird happened. I still felt Anemo.
"Wait a minute," I muttered, checking my Vision like it was an expired coupon. "I can still use both?"
"Isn't that normal?" Lumine asked.
"No! I was told—lied to—that I can only use one element at a time!" I held up both hands like I was dual-wielding power. "I'm breaking game mechanics right now! The developers are shaking!"
Paimon squinted. "Game what now?"
I sighed, dramatically. "Never mind. Point is, I feel like a budget Avatar now. Geo and Anemo, baby!"
Lumine tilted her head. "You feel stronger?"
I cracked my knuckles. "I feel like I could bench press a ruin guard. Let's go rock some faces."
And so, with new power, confused traveling companions, and the looming threat of an anime redhead approaching… we continued.
What could possibly go wrong?
...Don't answer that either.
And so we continue walking. And amidst of that walking, I thought of something stupid again. Have you ever been so hungry you start questioning the edibility of your travel companions? Yeah, me too. I stared at Paimon like she was a floating chicken nugget.
"Paimon is hungryyy~! Can't we get something to eat?"
There it was. The declaration of doom. I turned to face the tiny floating glutton with the most deadpan look I could muster.
"Yeah, no shit, emergency food. We're all hungry. Want me to eat you or something?"
Paimon gasped in horror, clutching her cheeks. "You're evil!"
"Evil or innovative? Depends on how long this hunger lasts."
Lumine, the only functioning adult in our party of certified morons, sighed deeply. "Why don't we just rest here for now and set up camp? It's getting late."
"Oh thank god," I said, falling dramatically to the grass like a Victorian lady fainting from shock. "My internal stamina bar has been on red since three battles ago."
"I thought you were the strongest here," Lumine muttered.
"Yeah, physically. Mentally? I'm on cooldown. Emotionally? Already rage-quit."
We agreed to make camp. Or rather, they agreed. I already had a whole makeshift tent setup on standby. I whipped out my phone like a magician revealing his final card.
Paimon blinked. "Where did that come from?"
"From my phone," I said casually.
"But… you're not even from Teyvat! How does that work?!"
"Shhh," I hushed her while unfolding the auto-deploy tent from the Sacred Genshin App. "Don't question the lore."
Also, don't touch my phone. The Sacred Nilou Folder must remain sealed. It's like Pandora's Box but significantly weirder.
"Help me pitch this up," I said. "Wait—ow! My toe! Damn you, tent pole!"
Lumine sighed again. "You're hopeless."
Meanwhile, Paimon somehow tangled herself in the ropes. "Uwahhh!! I'm stuck! Help! Paimon's becoming a decoration!"
"Perfect. Hang you on the tent like a wind chime. Functional and annoying."
After several minutes of fumbling, bickering, and one unfortunate incident involving me accidentally flinging a peg into my own face, the tent stood proud. A little crooked. A little cursed. But hey, shelter.
"Alright, time to eat," I said, rubbing my hands.
"YES!" Paimon cheered. "What's on the menu?"
I looked at her.
She looked back.
I grinned. "You."
"NOOO!!"
Cue the chase sequence. I dashed through the grass while Paimon threw berries at my head like a madwoman. Lumine had to end the madness with a double bonk to our skulls.
SMACK.
"Ow—mother of Barbatos!"
"Stop messing around," Lumine scolded, rubbing her temples. "Go fish or something."
"Fine, Mom."
And so, we fished.
I stood heroically by the lake, holding a stick like I was born for this.
"This is it," I whispered. "This is peak RPG filler arc content."
"I don't think that stick will catch anything," Lumine said.
"Don't underestimate my power. This stick was blessed by the Archons themselves. Probably."
Meanwhile, Paimon decided to go gather apples. "Paimon will be back!" she called.
"…Don't die," I muttered. "I'm not emotionally ready to process grief today."
Ten minutes later, we were halfway through catching absolutely nothing except emotional damage when Paimon returned—bruised, covered in twigs, and looking like she went through three boss fights and a betrayal arc.
"What the heck happened to you?!" I asked.
"Paimon was picking up apples that fell from the tree," she began, brushing leaves off her hair. "Then suddenly this boar came and startled Paimon!"
"So you tripped?"
"No! Paimon flew upwards and got strangled by the branches!"
I stared.
Then I laughed. Hard. Like, evil villain level laughing. I'm talking dramatic anime villain with thunderclap in the background laughing.
"BRO!? You're an idiot! Like... top-tier. You might qualify for a Sumeru scholarship in dumbassery."
"Isn't that why we're together?" Paimon huffed. "Birds of the same feather?"
"…Yeah, makes sense. Two flying circus clowns and our tired babysitter."
We all sat by the fire later, eating grilled fish -finally- and whatever suspicious fruits Paimon didn't get squished by. Lumine did most of the cooking. I did most of the running from burnt fish explosions.
"I swear if I get food poisoning…" Lumine muttered.
"Don't worry," I grinned. "The bacteria dies if you burn it hard enough. That's just science."
"That's not how food works!"
"I saw it in a cooking anime once. That counts."
"You probably also think healing from eating apples in battle is medically accurate."
"It is. Mentally."
And so, the night passed with laughter, light bruises, fish bones in weird places, and lots of grilled fish. Even in the insanity, it felt peaceful.
A rare pause in our chaotic journey. And as we lay under the stars, I smiled to myself.
Tomorrow, chaos returns. But tonight… it's just three idiots and a campfire.
And one very traumatized boar.
And after We'd just finished feasting—or in my case, surviving a near-death culinary experience—and Paimon, stuffed to the floating brim, announced she was going to the tent to sleep.
"Paimon's full! Time for beauty sleep~" she said, floating away like some chubby little spirit.
"Yeah, good luck," I mumbled. "You'll need it."
That left me and Lumine sitting by the fire. Just us, the night, the charred scent of over-roasted Bass, and the weirdly romantic ambiance that came with not being chased by a ruin guard for once.
We lay back on the grass, looking up at the stars.
"Pretty," I said.
"The sky?" Lumine asked.
"No, the fact we're not dead today. Maybe thanks to plot armor and protagonist aura."
She chuckled, the sound soft. I peeked at her sideways. She looked peaceful, eyes reflecting starlight. This was dangerous. If she kept looking like that, I might do something stupid like try to be sincere.
Then she dropped the emotional nuke.
"Shigeru… why did you start adventuring?"
Boom. Existential crisis activated.
I blinked. "Uhh…"
Was I supposed to have an answer ready? 'Cause I didn't. I hadn't thought that far ahead. Hell, I barely thought past the next meal.
"Well," I began, trying to sound wise and mysterious while mentally scrambling for BS. "I guess I had many goals in mind."
She turned her head slightly. Uh-oh, she was listening.
"First, survive and not die. That's always number one. Next, obviously… meet the overworked Hydro Daddy Ayato in Inazuma."
Lumine blinked. "…Hydro what now?"
"I mean, I just want to shake his hand. Or get slapped by him. Either way, I'd be honored. Dude's stylish, composed, drinks boba in the middle of battles. Iconic."
"Shigeru."
"And I will totally ship him with that feisty tailor from Fontaine with the major attitude issues. Like, that's peak enemies-to-lovers material right there."
"Shigeru."
"Oh, and also—I plan to marry Nilou."
She sat up. "Who is Nilou?"
I grinned, not sensing the oncoming danger. "Waifu material. Literal wifeable entity. Graceful, sweet, dances like a dream. I already bought matching rings. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally—we're married."
Lumine stared at me. You know that look girlfriends give when they're not technically your girlfriend but still have full rights to get mad? Yeah. That look.
"I see," she said coldly.
"Don't be jealous," I said casually. "You're my real-life party member. Nilou's my dream girl. I contain multitudes."
She rolled her eyes so hard I swear they hit Mondstadt.
"But yeah," I continued, stretching my arms behind my head, "for real… I just want to keep adventuring. With you. And Paimon. See all of Teyvat. Maybe leave a legacy. Or an arrest warrant. Depends on the mood."
She snorted. "Sounds about right for you."
I turned to her. "How about you?"
Inner monologue time! I already knew the answer. Of course I did. But asking felt right. Maybe I just wanted to hear her voice a little longer. And not to be a killjoy, she's having her moment.
She was quiet for a second. Then she whispered, "My brother. I'm still looking for him. That's why I started. That's why I keep going."
Her voice trembled a little. I hated that.
I sat up and looked at her seriously, for once not hiding behind jokes or sarcasm. "We'll find him. I know it. We'll even bump into him a few times. Probably when it's least convenient, 'cause the universe loves drama."
She smiled at that. Just a little. "Yeah… Maybe."
"Definitely," I said. "And when we do, we're dragging him into the party whether he likes it or not."
We talked for a while after that. About dumb stuff. Serious stuff. Mostly dumb stuff.
Eventually, I felt sleep creeping up on me. "Man… comfy grass is dangerous…"
Lumine glanced at me. "You're not going inside?"
I yawned. "Nah. I like it here. Feels… peaceful."
"Alright then," she said softly.
I heard her shift beside me, and something warm landed on my chest. A blanket.
Before sleep fully claimed me, I heard her voice one last time.
"Goodnight, idiot."
And just before I slipped into dreamland, my brain had one final thought.
Also, the sky might be fake.
No seriously, have you seen the latest Natlan lore dump? Turns out the stars are not real. Like, what? Bro, I've been emotionally bonding under what's basically a massive HD illusion? This entire moment could be a cosmic PowerPoint background and I wouldn't even know.
And don't even get me started on the Youtubers. Those guys? They cracked this code years ago. Every time they said "trust me, bro," turns out they were right. They've been yelling about fake stars and lore bombs for centuries—well, like two years, but still. Who knew clickbait thumbnails with 300 arrows and Lumine crying actually held the truth?
Still… pretty. Kinda poetic in a weird, glitch-in-the-Matrix way.
I smiled in my sleep.
Best camping trip ever.
_____________________________________
End of Chapter 16
Quest Completed: Slow Life Arc: Bonfire Edition: Set up a (slightly scuffed) campsite, Catch and overcook fish, Annoy Lumine to the brink of violence, and Accidentally be sweet and vulnerable under a fake sky.
Rewards: +5 Relationship EXP, +1 Blanket of Protection, +3 Mental Images of Nilou in wedding attire, +10 Conspiracy Knowledge from YouTubers, and +1 Unofficial Arrest Warrant in Fontaine.
Achievement Unlocked: "Sky's a Lie, But the Vibes are Real"